The Silent Epidemic in Men’s Mental Health and Childhood Trauma
- Brainz Magazine
- Aug 21
- 7 min read
Written by John Comerford, Author/Motivational Speaker
John Comerford is the author of Tarzan Loves Jane and Battle Armour ( 25 Tools for Men's Mental Health). John is also one of the authors of the number one Amazon best-selling book series, Start Over.
There’s a word we carry quietly, locked behind the armour we build to survive: lonely. For men, especially those stumbling through the long shadow of childhood trauma, loneliness is not just a passing mood; it’s an epidemic, gnawing at self-worth, sabotaging connection, and deepening wounds that never seem to heal. In 2025, loneliness in men isn’t just trending on social media; it’s a public health crisis, woven through the stories we refuse to tell and the pain we rarely admit. This article, written in solidarity with every man who has ever felt unseen, explores why loneliness devastates male mental health, how childhood trauma shapes isolation, and ways to reclaim connection and hope.
The armour we wear: Masculinity, silence, and shame
In my journey, silence was both my prison and my protection. After surviving abuse within the Catholic Education System, I learned what many boys do: to cope by shutting down, putting on a mask of competence, and never letting the world see the real me. Growing up, vulnerability seemed dangerous, almost shameful. Real men, I was told, “tough it out,” hiding fear and grief behind stoicism. These are the lies we inherit.
Traditional masculinity has long demanded emotional suppression. Too many men are taught that “feelings are weakness,” that to be loved we must first endure. We forge ‘battle armour’ out of bravado and avoidance, but what we’re hiding is the child inside, hurting, angry, desperate to be heard. When trauma hits young, these patterns become survival tools. Like countless others, my healing began only after my world collapsed. It was writing, not therapy alone, that helped me find the language for my pain and the courage to step into the light. If reading this makes you uneasy, keep going. Discomfort is where healing begins.
Childhood trauma: The hidden root of male loneliness
Statistics are stark: Nearly 40% of Australians have reported childhood maltreatment, with the majority suffering in silence well into adulthood. Every survivor’s story is different, but a few things are constant:
Isolation becomes a habit. Boys and men rarely disclose abuse, fearing shame, disbelief, or retaliation.
Trust issues sabotage relationships. Early betrayal warps our sense of safety, making connections feel risky, even impossible.
Loneliness magnifies pain. Trauma teaches that intimacy is dangerous, so we avoid it, pushing people away, even when we crave their presence.
Loneliness is more than the absence of people; it’s the agony of not being understood. For men who’ve lived through childhood abuse, it is a wound layered beneath anger, addiction, workaholism, and suicidal despair. No amount of money, success, or pleasure can fill the void left by a lost childhood.
The loneliness epidemic: What the numbers say
In 2025, loneliness is everywhere, and social media is both a mirror and a megaphone for this crisis. The lonely hashtag on TikTok has surpassed 13.7billion views globally, fuelled by raw stories of isolation and mental health struggles. Nearly 40% of adults say social media makes them feel lonelier or more disconnected.
For men:
Men report feeling lonelier than women but are less likely to seek help or talk about their struggles.
Suicide rates among men remain significantly higher, with loneliness a well-documented risk factor.
In digital spaces, men use humour, memes, and dark jokes to signal pain, but rarely break the silence about the deeper wounds.
Loneliness has physical consequences too; it’s equated by experts to “smoking 15cigarettes a day,” with increases in heart disease, depression, and early death. For men, the stakes could not be higher.
How childhood trauma fuels adult isolation
Let’s be clear: trauma is a thief. It robs men of trust, robs boys of innocence, and robs fathers, sons, and brothers of the ease to speak openly. The relationship between childhood trauma and adult loneliness in men is backed by research and lived experience:
Shame and secrecy: The unspoken belief that “my pain is too much” drives men to isolate, even from those who love them.
Avoidance and hyper-independence: Many trauma survivors become fiercely self-reliant, convinced that reaching out is too risky.
Difficulty forming intimate bonds: The legacy of betrayal distorts how we see ourselves and others, making connection a minefield.
I wore these patterns for years. I hid my story, smiled when broken, and believed no one could understand. It took nearly half a lifetime after suicide attempts and catastrophic grief before I allowed myself to be truly seen. Each step toward healing was terrifying, but with every word, the armour weakened, and my world grew lighter.
The social media mirror: Connection or distortion?
Modern digital platforms are both lifelines and traps. On the hopeful side, hashtags like lonely and Men's Mental Health connect men who might never otherwise find support. Viral stories, anonymous communities, and shared pain create new spaces for vulnerability. On the dark side, constant comparison, performative happiness, and toxic masculinity reinforce isolation. Research shows that apps promoting passive consumption (YouTube, Reddit, some dating platforms) heighten feelings of loneliness, while more interactive platforms (WhatsApp) foster genuine connection.
For men, online identity becomes a paradox: the place where they can reveal their pain anonymously, but also where they can become lost in endless doom scrolling, numb to their real lives.
Breaking free: Tools for healing and connection
Loneliness is not destiny. The first step is accepting that your pain deserves a voice, not judgment. Over time, I developed what I call Battle Armour: a set of tools and strategies that helped me heal, reclaim my life, and offer support to other men walking similar paths.
The 25 tools of battle armour
Speak the unspeakable: Begin sharing your truth in safe spaces, support groups, therapy, and trusted friends. Every secret loses its grip in the open air.
Break the shame cycle: Shame thrives in silence. Challenge old beliefs (“I am broken,” “It’s my fault”) with radical honesty and self-compassion.
Find your tribe: Seek out communities that honor vulnerability, men’s circles, online forums, and advocacy groups where you can be yourself, scars and all.
Rebuild trust gradually: Accept that healing relationships take time. Practice trust in small doses, with people who earn it.
Allow for grief: Mourning lost childhoods, severed connections, and missed opportunities is a necessary stage on the path to belonging.
Take care of the body: Physical health bolsters emotional resilience. Sleep, eat well, move your body, and breathe.
Use technology wisely: Curate your feeds, mute toxic voices, and follow accounts that promote hope, courage, and healing.
A complete list is found in my book Battle Armour, but these principles are universal. Every man deserves practical, proven tools, not just abstract advice.
Stories of connection: Men reaching out
Fundamental transformation happens when one man’s story unlocks another’s silence. I’ve mentored young men grieving lost fathers, spoken in podcasts and forums, and sat with men who feared they’d never be whole. What I see, over and over, is this: no matter how deep the hurt, connection is possible. The journey is nonlinear, messy, and slow, but every act of honesty chips away at isolation.
Brotherhood doesn’t mean perfect understanding. It means shared survival, mutual respect, and the courage to show up even, especially, when you feel most alone.
Section VIII: Loneliness isn’t forever, a message for survivors
Loneliness whispers that we are expendable, unlovable, and beyond rescue. The truth, learned the hard way, is that pain does not make you unworthy, it makes you human. No matter what you’ve survived, no matter how long you’ve hidden, it’s never too late to speak, to heal, to reconnect.
If you are reading this and carrying your pain alone:
You are not broken.
You are not weak.
You are not invisible.
Healing begins with one small act of courage, a word, a call, a message, a single step out of the shadows.
Action steps: Reclaiming connection for men
Start where you are: Admit loneliness, even privately. Naming it breaks its power.
Challenge masculine myths: Strength is not silence. Strength is an honest connection.
Advocate for change: Call out stigma and shame in your community, workplace, and family. Lead by example.
Tell your story: Whether in writing, audio, or art, your story matters. Every story chips away at what keeps men isolated.
Closing: A new era of male connection
Loneliness in men is real, vast, and deadly. Childhood trauma fuels isolation, but it doesn’t have to shape the future. Social media is a double-edged sword; use it for connection, not comparison. The battle for men’s well-being is fought, not by denying pain, but by embracing discomfort, vulnerability, and hope.
In my own life, writing became the lifeline I never knew I needed. To every man who reads these words: Honor your pain, speak your truth, and take the next step out of loneliness. Together, our stories can turn isolation into brotherhood, despair into purpose, silence into solidarity.
Lonely: Statistics and facts referenced:
Nearly 40% of Australians report childhood maltreatment.
TikTok’s lonely hashtag exceeded 13.7billion views in 2025.
Loneliness is as damaging as smoking 15cigarettes a day.
Men’s suicide rates remain significantly higher, with loneliness a key driver.
If you or someone you know needs support, contact a mental health professional or helpline. Please, don’t suffer in silence. You are never alone.
Read more from John Comerford
John Comerford, Author/Motivational Speaker
John Comerford is a leading advocate for men’s mental health and trauma recovery.
A survivor of childhood sexual assault, he spent 40 years suffering in silence.
After a suicide attempt, John began the journey to confront his past and rebuild.
His book "Tarzan Loves Jane", a dark romantic comedy, is based on his true story.
He later created "Battle Armour: 25 Tools for Men’s Mental Health" to give back.
Today, he speaks, writes, and leads with one clear message to all men: Speak up.
His mission: No man suffers in silence.
Further reading:
Tarzan Loves Jane (JJ Comerford)
Battle Armour: 25 Tools for Men’s Mental Health (JJ Comerford)
