The Power of Self-Awareness and 5 Practices to Lead With Greater Clarity, Confidence, and Purpose
Dr. Jackie Cawley is an osteopathic family physician, health care executive, and leadership mentor with over 30 years of experience. As the CEO and founder of the Delean Institute for Growth and Wellness, she is dedicated to helping others achieve optimal wellness through personal development and transformational growth.
We spend a great deal of time trying to become better leaders. We read books, attend conferences, learn new strategies, improve our communication skills, and work on becoming more productive. But there is one leadership skill that can influence all the others: knowing yourself. Self-awareness may sound simple. After all, who knows you better than you? Yet true self-awareness goes much deeper than knowing your likes, dislikes, strengths, or personality type. It requires us to look honestly at who we are, how we behave, how we respond under pressure, and, perhaps most importantly, how other people experience us. That last part can be uncomfortable, and it can also be where some of our greatest growth begins.
Self-awareness is more than self-reflection
Self-awareness is the ability to understand yourself at a deeper level. It includes your values, passions, strengths, and opportunities for growth. It also includes your emotions, patterns of behavior, and vision for your future. It means recognizing that your actions affect the people around you. When we understand what is happening inside us, we have a greater opportunity to choose how we respond rather than simply reacting.
This matters in every area of life. At work, self-awareness can influence how we communicate, handle conflict, receive feedback, make decisions, and lead others. At home, it can shape our relationships and the way we respond to the people we love. A recent review of research compiled by Wifi Talents suggests that 95 percent of working adults believe they are self-aware. However, only 10 to 15 percent of people meet the criteria for deep self-awareness. So perhaps the better question isn't, “Am I self-aware?” It is, “How well do I really know myself, and am I willing to discover what I don't know?”
There are two sides to self-awareness
One of the most important distinctions in self-awareness is the difference between internal and external self-awareness. Internal self-awareness is how well you understand yourself, including your core values, what motivates you, your strengths, and areas where you struggle. It is truly understanding your patterns of behavior and how they keep showing up in your life. Understanding these aspects of yourself can help you become more intentional about the way you live and lead.
Stronger internal awareness has been shown to result in higher levels of team engagement, positive peer feedback, better relationship satisfaction, and enhanced workplace performance. It has also been associated with a greater sense of happiness and a greater sense of personal and social control. But there is a potential trap. We can become so focused on understanding ourselves through our own lens that we forget our lens may not tell the whole story.
Our fears, insecurities, past experiences, and assumptions can influence how we interpret our behavior. That is where external self-awareness becomes essential. It is the mirror we do not always want to study. It is understanding how other people experience you, which requires feedback, and that can at times be uncomfortable.
We may believe we are a good listener, only to discover that others feel interrupted. We may think we are giving our team freedom, while they experience us as being unavailable. We may believe we are being direct, while someone else experiences us as dismissive. None of these observations necessarily mean that our intentions were bad. They simply remind us that intent and impact are not always the same thing.
Seeking honest feedback gives us another perspective. Managers, peers, colleagues, friends, family members, and the people we lead can provide valuable information about the way we show up. The key is being willing to listen. As people gain more authority and responsibility, receiving honest feedback can become even harder. People may hesitate to challenge someone in a position of power, particularly when they fear how that person might respond. That creates an important leadership question: Do the people around you feel safe enough to tell you the truth?
The goal is not perfection, it's alignment
Self-awareness isn't about becoming perfectly self-aware, it's an ongoing practice. Over time, our circumstances, roles, and relationships change. The person you were five years ago may not be the person you are today, and that means self-awareness needs to evolve with you.
The most effective approach is to balance internal reflection with external feedback to build a path toward becoming genuinely “aware,” someone who understands themselves while remaining open to constructive input from others. This is where self-awareness becomes transformational. You notice the gap between who you believe you are, who you want to be, and how others experience you. That gap isn't something to fear. It is an opportunity.
There is another part of self-awareness that we don't always like to discuss: our shadow side. Your shadow includes the parts of yourself you would rather hide from others, and sometimes from yourself. For example, you become defensive when challenged, need to control situations, or avoid difficult conversations. Perhaps you always seek approval, become impatient when you're stressed, or withdraw when you feel overwhelmed.
These behaviors don't make you a bad person, they make you human. The goal isn't to judge these parts of ourselves, it is to bring them to light so we can understand them. When we can acknowledge the parts of ourselves that are uncomfortable, we have more freedom to decide what we want to do with them. Awareness creates choice. Below are 5 simple ways to help you strengthen your self-awareness:
1. Make time for reflection
Carve time out for yourself on a regular basis. You can write in a journal, meditate, or take a walk without your phone. The goal is to give yourself quiet space to notice what you are thinking and feeling and to reflect on your performance and behavior over the past several days to a week. Consider how you could have done things differently for better outcomes, or what worked well that you should continue to practice. You don't need a complicated system. Just find a practice that works for you and make it part of your weekly routine.
2. Ask for feedback
Choose people you trust and ask them what they see with regard to your behaviors, actions, or communication. Make sure to be specific when asking for feedback. For example, ask them to provide their perspective on your communication style and whether there is anything you could do differently to become a better listener, rather than asking, “How am I doing?” Keep an open mindset and resist the urge to defend yourself. The goal is to learn how others see you and to use that data to help you adjust your style and further develop your communication skills.
3. Ask “what?” instead of “why?”
Focus on the “what” you can work on instead of the “why.” This small shift can change the quality of your reflection. “Why” questions can pull us toward assumptions, fear, or self-criticism. When you use a “why” question, you open yourself to your biases. Your brain will subconsciously try to make sense of the matter using your individual narrative or filters. Applying a “why” approach allows you to search for causes and motives, which can reinforce those internal biases.
Asking “what” questions can open the door to possibilities and action. Asking “what” helps you build factual knowledge and can be more empowering. Instead of asking, “Why did that meeting go badly?” try, “What could I have done differently?” Routinely reflect on what you felt in a certain situation, what the environment or conditions were like, and what impact your actions or behaviors had on others. This will help you enhance your level of self-awareness and provide you with more data to act on in the future.
4. Consider your impact
Name what you are feeling, especially in times of stress. Notice how your body responds when that emotion is triggered and where you feel it in your body. Be curious and consider how your emotions may be affecting the people around you as well as yourself. Your emotions are real, and they don't exist in isolation. Learning to recognize their impact gives you another opportunity to choose your response and pause before reacting.
5. Get comfortable being uncomfortable
Growth often begins at the edge of our comfort zone. When someone gives you feedback that surprises you, pause before dismissing it. You don't have to agree with every piece of feedback, however, you can become curious about it. There may be something valuable hiding inside the discomfort. Embracing a growth or learning mindset can make all the difference in helping you lean into areas of discomfort to grow and develop both personally and professionally. Use your reflection time to ponder one or more of the following prompts:
What are my values, and am I living in alignment with them?
What emotions have been showing up for me?
What are my greatest strengths?
Where do I have opportunities to grow?
How do other people experience me?
How do I respond when someone gives me constructive feedback?
What behaviors might limit my effectiveness?
What have I learned about myself this week?
What do I want my life and leadership to look like moving forward?
These questions aren't meant to produce perfect answers, they are meant to start a conversation with yourself. We often look outward for the next strategy, the next course, the next mentor, or the next leadership tool, but transformational growth begins by looking inward. Self-awareness helps us understand our values and motivations. External feedback helps us see what we may not be able to see on our own, and together, they create a fuller picture.
When we are willing to see that picture, even the parts we don't particularly like, we gain something powerful: choice. We can choose what to keep, what to change, and how we want to respond. We can choose how we want to lead, and most importantly, we can choose to become more aligned with the person we want to be. Self-awareness isn't a destination, it is a lifelong practice of becoming.
Let’s work together to achieve your development goals
Are you ready to strengthen your level of self-awareness? I coach and guide people in building their self-awareness using my Power Up framework. For more information, check out my website and book a discovery call by clicking on this link: Dr. Jackie Cawley | Executive & Leadership Consultant
Read more from Dr. Jackie Cawley
Dr. Jackie Cawley, CEO of Delean Institute for Growth and Wellness
Dr. Jackie Cawley is a healer, teacher, and thought leader in wellness, personal growth, and leadership development. She has a passion for helping others achieve their full potential and be empowered to pursue their personal and professional goals. Dr. Cawley is the founder and CEO of The Delean Institute for Growth and Wellness, author of Power Up, and creator of the Power Up Framework for transformative growth and empowerment. Her mission is to help others achieve wellness through personal growth.
