5 Ways To Get Honest Feedback Even When Your Team's Holding Back
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 30
- 5 min read
Written by Alicia Sutton, Executive Communication Coach
Alicia Sutton helps leaders master presence and impact in high-stakes moments. A former lawyer, professional actor and host of the You're Allowed podcast, she has led 400+ corporate programmes globally, specialising in helping experts go from suppressed to fully expressed.
You ask for feedback and get a diplomatic "You're doing great," vague reassurances, or careful answers that sidestep the real issues. You can sense there's more beneath the surface, but those deeper insights never quite come out. You know you're not perfect and there are areas to work on, but there's only so many times you can ask!
The cost of leading without honest feedback
The frustration isn't just about developmental feedback being withheld. It's about all feedback being sanitised to the point of uselessness, whether the underlying reality is positive, negative, or somewhere in between.
When you're excelling, without specifics you can't replicate and amplify what's working.
When there are growth edges, vague feedback leaves you stressed and unclear about what needs to change.
When it's nuanced, you often get careful, diplomatic answers that leave you guessing.
The result? Without specific feedback, you're leading in the dark. You might believe you're clear, supportive, and collaborative, but unless you know how your team actually experiences you, it's all guesswork.
We might be tempted to blame others for withholding, but the reality is there's a lot we can do to foster a conducive environment and ask the right questions.
When feedback feels risky, and what makes it safer
Getting upward feedback is one of the fastest ways to grow as a leader, but it's also one of the hardest to get. For your team, sharing it often feels like a personal risk.
Psychological safety in feedback means creating an environment where people believe they can share honest observations without fear of negative consequences. As Harvard Business Review notes, "the highest-performing teams have one thing in common: psychological safety, the belief that you won't be punished when you make a mistake."
People hesitate because:
They've been burned before for speaking up
They fear unintended consequences
They don't want to damage the relationship
They're unsure how to give feedback without it being misread
They don't believe it will make a difference
Especially in high-achieving, hierarchical environments, the risks of speaking up often seem greater than the rewards. Unless leaders build a foundation of safety, feedback stays surface-level, and the insights that drive real leadership growth remain untapped.In high-performance environments, feedback doesn't flow by accident. It's something great leaders build on purpose. Yet most of us leaders were never taught how to build the kind of trust that makes honest conversations feel safe, because simply asking isn't enough. Your team has to believe that telling you the truth won't cost them.
5 practices great leaders use to invite feedback
1. Create psychological safety
Feedback doesn't happen in a vacuum; it happens in relationships. Without trust, people stay guarded. Prioritise connection, listen deeply, and show you care about your team's experience.
Creating psychological safety starts with how you respond when someone does share feedback. Thank them genuinely, ask follow-up questions to understand their perspective better, and avoid immediately defending or explaining your actions. When team members see that feedback leads to thoughtful consideration rather than defensiveness, they're more likely to share honestly in future conversations.
2. Understand people's relationship to feedback
Not everyone has experienced feedback as positive or safe. Past experiences with managers, personal experiences growing up, and previous workplace cultures all influence how comfortable someone feels giving upward feedback.
Ask open questions like, "What's been your experience with giving feedback to managers?" or "How would you feel about sharing your observations?" Listen to understand their perspective rather than making assumptions. Some people need more time to build trust, others need a clearer structure, and some need reassurance that disagreement won't damage the relationship.
3. Go first (when it helps)
When there's hesitation, going first with your self-reflection can lower the risk. Try something like: "One thing I think I handled well in that meeting was keeping us focused, and one thing I'm working on is giving everyone more space to contribute. What's your perspective? "Also, acknowledge your learning edges openly: "I realise I moved too quickly through that decision without getting your input."
Going first demonstrates that reflection is valued and that admitting areas for development is encouraged. This signals that growth and imperfection are normal parts of leadership, making it safer for others to share observations about areas where you could improve. When you show vulnerability first, you create permission for others to be equally honest.
4. Structure the conversation clearly
Asking, "Do you have any feedback?" puts people on the spot. Instead, try: "I'd love your input on two things: what's working well, and what could I do differently?" Clear structure shows you're genuinely seeking insights rather than just going through the motions. It also makes feedback feel more manageable for the person giving it. And when you allow people to talk about strengths first, they're more likely to give you the truth about your areas for development.
For example: "I'm reflecting on how that presentation went. What landed well from your perspective, and what could I adjust next time?"
5. Stay curious (especially when it's awkward)
When someone shares feedback, even if it's vague or uncomfortable, don't rush to move on. Ask a follow-up: "Can you say a bit more about that?" or "What impact did that have?" Your curiosity is a signal that their input matters.
The moments after someone shares feedback are crucial for building trust. Even when feedback surprises you or feels challenging to hear, lean into curiosity rather than defensiveness. Questions like "What's your experience?" or "What would have been more helpful?" show that you value their perspective and want to understand it fully. Remember that their feedback reflects their genuine experience of your leadership, even if it differs from your intentions. Use these moments as opportunities to deepen your understanding of how your leadership style impacts others.
A reflection to leave you with
What small shift could you make this week to invite more honest feedback from your team and begin building the trust that fuels real leadership growth?
You have the expertise. Now master the communication.
Ready to stop overthinking your communication and start getting the results you want from your team? The key is creating the trust and clarity that drive peak performance.
If you're looking for an executive coach or facilitator to support your leadership development, visit here or connect with me on LinkedIn to explore how we might work together.
Read more from Alicia Sutton
Alicia Sutton, Executive Communication Coach
Alicia Sutton helps leaders master presence and impact in high-stakes moments. A former lawyer turned professional actor, executive coach and speaker, she bridges the corporate world with authentic performance. Host of the You're Allowed podcast where she explores stories of career transformation and authentic self-expression, Alicia has delivered over 400 corporate programmes and conference presentations globally. Rather than just teaching techniques, she helps uncover what's really holding leaders back. Her clients don't just get promoted — they get unleashed, with their most magnetic, influential communication naturally emerging.
