The Power of Forgiveness and How to Break Free from Holding Grudges
- May 28
- 7 min read
Updated: 5 days ago
Written by Michal Ravid Vrabel, Lawyer & Life Coach
Michal is a lawyer and a life coach. A former criminal defense attorney, who spent the vast majority of her professional life in courtrooms, she has encountered all walks of life. The founder of Pathways Life Coaching, she now focuses extensively on success mindset coaching, personal and professional relationship coaching, and end-of-life coaching.
Through my life journey, I carry with me the powerful words of Robert Muller, an international civil servant with the United Nations, “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”
Like so many of us, I have experienced my fair share of disappointments, frustrations, and hurt within my personal life, as well as my professional journey.
Nonetheless, with age comes wisdom, and I have learned that letting go of the negative energy that comes with the inability to forgive is crucial to one’s self-growth and development, one’s sense of happiness, calm, and a healthier state of existence.
There is no doubt that different journeys present different challenges and obstacles. Yet, through my work as a life coach, I find that despite the unique journeys we experience, there is often a common thread within us all, a thread that serves as a significant hurdle in our pathway towards a better life journey. This thread that I am speaking of is the inability to let go of past events that weigh heavily on us, the inability to forgive and release ourselves from the prison that frustration, anger, grudges, and resentment can create.
I argue that the path to forgiveness is one we should all strive for, one that will clear the way to the wholesome, more successful life journey we deserve.
The negative energy that is unforgiveness
I can still vividly remember the negative impact of unforgiveness that I carried as I took my first steps into the field of law, specifically during my time as an intern. Indeed, we all face multiple hardships at the start of every career, and there is no doubt that interns often get the short end of the stick. Unfortunately, I endured several events during my internship that caused me a great deal of distress, hurt feelings, and pain. My struggle with being unable to forgive or move forward after disappointment or hurt ended up affecting me physically and mentally.
Now, we are not robots, and the beautiful thing that makes us human, so unique and whole, is the vast range of emotions we feel. Me being hurt or upset was part of a set of emotions that I am sure others in my shoes would have felt as well. Yet, after many sleepless nights, I had an epiphany, my inability to move past these events or find forgiveness in my heart for those who caused that pain was the root cause not only of my sleepless nights but also of my lack of clarity and reduced productivity.
As enthusiastic and perfectionistic as I was, and still am in many aspects of my life, I came to realise that I would be better off moving forward rather than being consumed by these events and the turmoil they had caused. The way to move forward was to forgive, even within myself, and thus I was able to break out of the emotional prison I had created. Clarity, peace of mind, enhanced productivity, and much-needed sleep soon followed.
A greater and more profound lesson in life was gained, the weight of unforgiveness, as heavy, bothersome, and destructive as it can be, is not a weight I would ever want to carry with me, nor should any of us.
As the social creatures that we are, through the various interactions we have with others throughout our lives, both in the personal and professional realms, we are most likely to encounter challenging situations, at times involving disagreements, controversies, frustrations, and hurt feelings. This is entirely normal, and we have all been in the same boat, or a similar one at that, we have all experienced these emotions at one stage of our lives or another.
The problem arises when we cling to these negative feelings, which manifest as negative energy that, at the end of the day, acts as an obstacle in our journey towards achieving our goals, finding success, happiness, and tranquillity. By not allowing ourselves the gift of forgiveness, we are hurting ourselves in many ways, both physically and mentally.
Medical institutions, such as Johns Hopkins Medicine, have linked unforgiveness to higher rates of cardiovascular disease, an impaired immune system, fatigue, sleeping disorders, and even chronic pain conditions.
Carrying this negative energy also affects how we carry ourselves and perform in both professional settings and personal interactions and relationships. Altogether, the negative impacts of unforgiveness are profoundly noticeable in our emotional and mental well-being. In many ways, we all create our own realities, hence, by choosing the path of unforgiveness, we lay the foundation for the mental and emotional prison we create. A prison that holds within it the risks of depression, anxiety, and stress. A prison that ties us to a negative event, withholding us from moving forward, from self-growth, and from our pathways towards our desires and goals. It is an emotional prison that we must break out of.
The benefits of forgiveness and letting go of past grievances
Forgiveness is a process that does take time and energy. However, once we can forgive, the benefits of forgiveness outweigh the disadvantages of unforgiveness and carrying negative energy with us. Once forgiveness enters our hearts, we will see positive outcomes almost immediately, as we can continue our life journey and pursue our goals with a clearer vision, consequently, success will follow.
Here are some of the benefits that arise once we break free of the unforgiveness prison:
Reduced stress and anxiety: As we let go of resentment, our overall well-being will improve almost immediately, as any stress or anxiety related to the event will evaporate, and the healing process will allow calm and tranquillity to take over instead.
Gaining back focus and clarity: With the sole act of forgiveness, we will be able to divert our energy to our goals, our desires, and our path, without being consumed by the negative energy that comes when we are stuck in this prison that is unforgiveness. As a result, we will be able to direct our energy to more productive and positive avenues, while feeling empowered by the sole act of forgiveness, as it represents us taking control over a distressing situation.
Healthier relationships: The act of forgiveness is equal to resolving conflict, which in turn will allow for more fulfilling and healthier relationships within our personal and professional realms.
Physical improvements: The act of forgiveness, which allows us to let go of negative energy, will lead to better physical health, from improved sleep at night to better heart health and an enhanced immune system.
The importance of self-forgiveness
I would like to emphasise the importance of being able to forgive not only others, but ourselves. This self-forgiveness is directly related to the practice of the triangle of selves, since to forgive ourselves, we need to go through the process of self-awareness and self-acceptance, with an emphasis on self-reflection. You can read more about these practices in my article, “How the Practice of the Triangle of the Three Selves Can Guide You to the Path of Happiness.”
The process of self-forgiveness is extremely rewarding and is a crucial part of one’s own growth and development. Through this process, which is done during one’s self-reflection, we deepen our understanding of our emotions, we compare our actions with our values and recognise the dissonance between them. From there, the path to recognising our mistakes is clearer, and as we internalise the mistakes as life lessons to be learned, we also gain wisdom.
Moreover, a significant part of forgiving ourselves and releasing negative energy is learning to let go of guilt.
Now, in my mind, guilt is not altogether a negative feeling. It serves as a moral compass essential to our everyday lives, relationships, and personal integrity. Guilt should lead to correcting mistakes, making amends, changing negative behaviour, and fostering growth.
Nevertheless, holding on to self-guilt can be toxic to our overall well-being, since by doing so, we are not only preventing ourselves from moving forward but also inflicting constant self-judgement and pain upon ourselves, even when the events are not under our full control. With self-forgiveness and the release of guilt, we will reach a cathartic stage where, instead of dwelling on the past, we will finally be able to move forward with a fresh, yet wiser, start and a new sense of purpose.
We are usually our own harshest critics, and I am no stranger to that. A main source of my feelings of guilt and my own struggle with self-forgiveness came almost instantly as I became a mother. I often found myself struggling with what is known as parent guilt, with a constant self-critical feeling, questioning whether I was making the right choices or falling short of expectations and my own high standards.
The change within me, hence learning how to forgive myself and letting go of my parent guilt, didn’t happen overnight, but I can assure you that it was a journey worth taking. Practising self-reflection, recognising my own worth and belief in myself through self-awareness and self-acceptance, accompanied by self-compassion and self-love, has been a journey that has made me a stronger person, a better parent to my kids, and a better partner to my husband. To a greater extent, self-forgiveness, accompanied by self-love, has led me to grow, better myself, and achieve success in other areas of my life.
Forgiveness of others and of oneself are both gifts that you should give yourself in your life journey. These practices will clear the pathways to happiness, personal growth, and success in all areas of your life.
So, live a life you love, be the compass and guide on your unique and beautiful life journey, show compassion and love to yourself and to those around you, and embrace forgiveness as the true force that it is!
For more guidance and coaching, via personal coaching or group coaching, schedule your free initial consultation with me today, or contact me directly via email.
Read more from Michal Ravid Vrabel
Michal Ravid Vrabel, Lawyer & Life Coach
Michal is a life coach with an integrated approach, guiding clients towards discovering their true, authentic self, including bringing their true inner strength and wisdom to fruition. The founder of Pathways Life Coaching, she has a professional background in criminal, public, and international law, with extensive experience as a criminal defense attorney. Michal's mission is to guide her clients into a successful path in their life's journey, thus creating a unique, tailored coaching plan for every client, from CEOs of hedge funds, corporate group coaching, personal coaching, with a focus on success mindset, improving and enhancing personal and professional relationship,s and end-of-life coaching, for terminally ill patients and caregivers.
