The Fear of Staying Became Greater Than the Fear of Leaving
Written by Ruth Hutchins, Career Awakening Coach
Ruth Hutchins is more than a career coach with 30 years of career experience and a unique holistic approach, helping people find clarity and direction. She is the founder of Creating Healthy Careers, author of Career Awakening: How to Align Your Career With Your Soul Purpose, and creator of the Career Awakening methodology.
Fear can make staying comfortable feel safer than taking a leap into the unknown. But what happens when the fear of regret becomes stronger than the fear of change? This article explores how challenging limiting beliefs, embracing purpose, and moving forward despite uncertainty can open the door to a more fulfilling path.
I’d gained clarity and identified my purpose, but there was one last hurdle to jump. Something was still holding me back: fear of taking that leap into my business.
Being comfortable
I was approaching 50, typically a time in life when we’re in a good spot in our career. We’ve gained a lot of experience, wisdom, and knowledge and are at the top of our game. It’s a comfortable ride into retirement from there, right? Well, not for me and, as I’ve discovered, not for many others either.
I had been comfortable in my line of work for many years, but sometimes comfort can become a warning sign, especially when it starts to feel more like stagnation than contentment. If we don’t challenge ourselves, life often has a way of bringing challenges into our path to keep us growing, learning, and expanding. When I heard this, I could look back over the last few years and see a pattern of challenges popping up in my career, almost like they were trying to nudge me onto a different path.
I had a sense that it was time to start doing more than what I’d been doing for the past 20+ years in my career. I’d always had a dream of having my own business, but I didn’t want it to be in recruitment, the industry I’d been working in. However, I also didn’t know what it would be. It was something I talked about with friends for 7 years, and I’m sure they were fed up with hearing about my dream and wondering when, or if, I was going to do it. So was I.
The turning point
I was attending a personal development seminar one weekend, and throughout the seminar, we were told to write down any negative thoughts or beliefs about ourselves that we noticed as we went through the weekend. Late on Sunday afternoon, the lights were dimmed, some dramatic music was played, and we held onto our pages of limitations. Then, the presenter walked us through an exercise to future-pace our lives, which was profound.
We were told to reflect on everything we’d written down as we stood there. Then, we were to picture our lives as they were currently, observing how we were being and feeling. He then had us view ourselves from the perspectives of those in our lives: our kids, our friends, our partner, and our colleagues.
Then we took a step into the future. If nothing changes, how will we feel in 5 years? Imagine waking up in the morning and noticing what thoughts would be going through your mind. Then step out another 5 years and see what your life looks like if nothing changes.
Everyone in the room was in tears. Then it suddenly hit me: What if I get to 60 and haven’t given my business a go? How would I feel? What would my kids think of me? How would I feel about myself, having missed doing something I’d dreamt about for years?
Suddenly, the fear of not doing it outweighed the fear of doing it. That was the moment I realised fear wasn’t necessarily telling me to stop. I had been asking myself whether I was brave enough to leave, when the more powerful question was whether I was willing to live with the regret of staying.
It motivated me to take action I hadn’t taken before. That night, I developed and registered my business and signed up for my coaching courses. Within 6 months, I had resigned from my job and totally turned my life around after 7 years of procrastination.
Turning down the volume on negative thoughts
Ever notice how, when you make a decision, within 24 hours a range of reasons why you shouldn’t do whatever it is you’ve decided on start to surface? I certainly noticed it, and over almost 9 years of coaching people, I’ve seen this pattern again and again. You can guarantee it’s going to happen.
Our subconscious mind is always trying to keep us safe, and one of the mechanisms it uses is to stop us from doing things that create fear within us by trying to talk us out of taking action. Well, my subconscious was working overtime, saying things like, “Who do you think you are? You can’t do this.” “What do you have to offer people?” “Nobody’s going to want to pay for your services.”
It was such a revelation to see the pattern at play and recognise what was driving it. As I was preparing materials for my business, I was researching more and more about how to overcome limiting beliefs and started to turn down the volume on them and turn up the volume on all the people who had given me positive feedback on how I’d helped them over the years. I needed to restore some balance to my self-perception.
The limiting beliefs didn’t go away completely because the more I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, the more my subconscious would pipe up. But having an awareness of what was going on certainly helped me not take them too seriously.
If not you, then who?
The other perspective I took on that helped me push past any fear was to realise how life shapes us to do what we’re here to do. The challenges, the experiences, the people who come into our lives and help us grow and develop skills, knowledge and wisdom, our gifts and talents. When you take that on and really let it soak in, then who are you not to deliver what you’ve been equipped to do?
You’ve been gifted unique experiences and ideas to serve a purpose in this world. Of course, you have free will and can make your own choices, but are you going to let thoughts of fear stop you?
Moving forward in the face of fear
I am now almost 60 and am proud that I walked, and am still walking, my path. It has not been an easy path. Just because you pursue your purpose doesn’t mean the red carpet is magically rolled out for you, but that’s not the point. The point is who you become in the process and, for me, what legacy I am creating.
Rarely will all the stars align, and rarely will everyone line up to give you permission and support to pursue what it is you want to do. But if you have a feeling within you that you’re meant for more, or a different path, you don’t need fear to disappear before you move. Sometimes fear simply tells you which consequence matters more.
If fear is keeping you in a career or chapter of life you know you’ve outgrown, my Life Path Program helps you get clear on what’s calling you forward and build the confidence to take your next step.
Read more from Ruth Hutchins
Ruth Hutchins, Career Awakening Coach
Ruth Hutchins is a Career and Life Path Coach with 30 years of experience spanning recruitment, career development, and coaching. She helps people make sense of the experiences, turning points, and challenges that have shaped them, uncovering the clues that reveal who they are and where they're called next. Ruth believes even our hardest chapters contain gold, pointing us toward our values, strengths, and direction. Through her holistic approach, she helps clients reconnect with themselves and build a career and life that feels genuinely their own.
