The Power of AND – Embracing Complexity
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 26
- 5 min read
Written by Britt-Mari Sykes, Career Counsellor
Britt-Mari Sykes, Ph.D., CDP, is a career counsellor and founder of CANVAS Career Counselling, working remotely with clients across Canada.
How often do you use "Should" or "But" when describing an experience? We use these words frequently, and they easily become barriers to a deeper understanding of our experiences and emotions.
The word “And” invites us to consider the complexities, nuances, polarities, and tensions that are inescapably human and that we can experience daily in our career lives.
Have you ever tried shifting to the word “And”?
Sample experiences
Read the following three sample experiences. Take note of how you feel as you read them. Think about your own experiences and when you use “Should” and “But”.
“I feel demoralized, even humiliated about losing my job, but feeling this way is pointless, because it is what it is, I should just get over it and get on with it, right?”
“I am burnt out. I should be able to handle my workload and responsibilities; I’m good at what I do. I need something to change, but I’ve got to push through; taking any time off would not look professional.”
“I am having a hard time with the changes in my role and responsibilities, but I should just be grateful for a job in this economic climate, adjust my mindset, and try harder.”
On the surface, each of these statements reveals emotions and some degree of assessment of how the individual is experiencing a current challenge in their career lives. Notice that the words "Should" and "But" also become barriers to deeper reflection.
The possibilities of “And”
What happens when you shift to the word “And”?
How do our three sample experiences now read?
“I feel demoralized, even humiliated about losing my job, and I am afraid, too. Afraid of what others might think, afraid I might not be able to land another job at my age. It’s not easy feeling all this daily, and I am also slowly accepting my situation and the reasons behind being let go. My experiences, skills, and contributions are still intact, and I am starting to entertain some possibilities comfortably.” “This can be challenging; I get stuck in self-doubt, and I don’t always feel confident, and I am slowly learning to identify the specific help I need right now and ask for assistance.”
“I am very good at what I do, and experiencing burnout. This has taken me by surprise. I didn’t think this was possible, and I am slowly accepting that I have burnout, and acknowledging how it has impacted my daily life for some time. Taking some time off would be prudent, and this also makes me quite uneasy. What will people think, and ultimately, does it matter? I know I have to prioritize my well-being, and my first response is always to continue to work and push through, and I am starting to see that this will only hurt me and the work I enjoy even further.”
“There have been many changes in my role and responsibilities recently, and I am having a hard time with them. I want to be the person who can easily adapt to change, and I am becoming more aware of how uncomfortable and resistant I am to change. I don’t feel confident when there are changes. I like and function well in predictable roles with clearly defined responsibilities, and I know I rarely voice this. I am grateful for this job, know I bring value to the organization, and am slowly learning to comfortably articulate what I need when changes occur and to ask for support.”
Notice the space that opens for deeper reflection, the space to honestly express a greater range of emotions, even when they conflict, to acknowledge the complexity and tensions of a given experience, and to entertain and voice possibilities. “And” invites us to recognize and more comfortably express the layered complexity of our experiences.
Making room for complexity in our career lives
Complexity exists quite naturally. In an age that (over)emphasizes strategies and “how to” guidance to manage, if not erase, the complexity of our lives, embracing or making room for it can seem counterintuitive.
Complexity is, in fact, omnipresent in our career lives. When we look at the myriad experiences and conflicting emotions throughout our career lives changes in our roles, professions, fields, difficult choices and decisions, continuous learning, job loss, unforeseen opportunities, coping with challenging work environments, growth, stagnation, stable and unstable job markets, boredom, stress, and/or burnout, as examples complexity is front and center.
Acknowledging the reality of complexity allows us to tap into a richer, deeper experience. It keeps us from expending energy and getting stuck in self-judgment, endless comparison, dismissal, or denying the fullness of our experiences.
When we accept complexity, an empowering simplicity emerges ripe with possibility and richer than strategy. Accepting complexity gives us more information, we feel more grounded in the reality of our lives, more present, more engaged, more flexible, more attuned to possibilities, and the discovery of creative approaches that meet the moment we are in.
“And” helps us acknowledge, accept, and make room for complexity
The word “And” is powerful. It helps us hold contrasting emotions (not just positive ones), creates space to honestly acknowledge the depth and breadth of what we are experiencing, and allows us to accept and be comfortable with the multi-dimensional reality of our lives.
Gathering information with “And”
The space we create with “And” encourages further reflection, conversation, and draws out insightful information. This can include:
A broader lens to view our relationship with work, experiences, recurring issues, themes, or challenges.
A more honest, expansive account of our experiences, emotions, and most pressing questions.
Information about our current level of motivation, where we are getting stuck, and what we are having trouble accepting and moving through and past.
Deeper reflection on issues of professional identity and the intricate relationship between work and self-identity.
Release from unwarranted self-criticism, paralyzing judgment, or the restrictive weight of expectations, while opening space to discuss what work and career mean to us, how that meaning has likely changed over time, how we have responded to those changes, and what expectations, assumptions, or deeply rooted narratives about career no longer suit us.
Space to pause, assess, and bring a more holistic view of our accumulated experiences, expertise, skills, knowledge, wisdom, perspective, and current value.
Focus on the present moment of our career lives, allowing us to consider what is possible, what we can create, where we need support, and what we can commit to going forward.
Exercise
Think about something you are currently experiencing or struggling with in your career life. Write your experience and emotions descriptively and honestly. Insert the word “And”. What happens?
Career Counselling can help at any stage of your career life. Contact me here for more information or to book a consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.
Britt-Mari Sykes, Career Counsellor
Britt-Mari Sykes Ph.D. is a Career Counsellor and founder of CANVAS Career Counselling working remotely with clients across Canada. Britt-Mari offers a reflective and strategic process to clients, one that integrates their lived experiences, values, and aspirations. This experiential approach to career counselling helps clients gain greater clarity and perspective and design practical steps towards a more meaningful relationship with work and career.
