The People-Pleaser's Plate and Why Saying Yes to Everyone Means Saying No to Your Body
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 30
- 7 min read
Updated: Jul 1
Jasmine is an exceptional Trauma-informed Emotional Eating Holistic Health and Wellness Coach who gracefully manages her roles as a dedicated mother, wife, and leader in various church ministries. Her journey is marked by notable accomplishments, such as co-authoring two Amazon number 1 Best-Selling books and attaining the esteemed title of a number 1 International best-seller.
I used to pride myself on being the woman who could do it all. Yes to every client request. Yes to every ministry event or project. Yes to being available whenever someone needed support, even when it meant sacrificing my own rest. Yes to taking on extra projects. I was the "go-to" person, and I wore that badge with honor.
What I didn't realize was that every "yes" I gave to others was a silent "no" to my own body, my own needs, and my own well-being. And my relationship with food was paying the price.
If you're a people-pleasing entrepreneur, professional, or leader who finds yourself turning to food for comfort after long days of over-giving, you're not alone. The connection between people-pleasing and emotional eating runs deeper than most of us realize, and understanding it can be the key to both food freedom and business success.
When you chronically say yes to everyone else's needs while ignoring your own, you create a state of internal depletion that goes far beyond just feeling tired. Your nervous system becomes dysregulated from constantly being "on" for others. Your blood sugar crashes from skipping meals to accommodate everyone else's schedules. Your stress hormones spike from the pressure of maintaining impossible standards.
And then you wonder why you find yourself standing in the kitchen at 9 PM, mindlessly eating whatever you can find, feeling disconnected from your body and frustrated with yourself. The truth is, your body is trying to tell you something important: you're running on empty, and food has become your emergency fuel source.
The people-pleaser's food cycle
The cycle typically plays out in a predictable pattern that many high-achieving women know all too well. You wake up each morning with the best intentions, perhaps planning a healthy breakfast, scheduling time for movement, or promising yourself you'll eat regularly throughout the day. But as the hours unfold, client needs inevitably take priority. That important call runs longer than expected, causing you to skip lunch. A team member requires assistance, so you work through your planned break. Someone requests "just a quick favor," and suddenly your entire afternoon has disappeared.
By evening, you finally have a moment to yourself, but you're completely depleted and overwhelmed. Your body is screaming for both nourishment and comfort, and food becomes your reward, your solace, and your quiet rebellion all at once. Later, as night falls, the familiar guilt creeps in. You promise yourself you'll do better tomorrow, perhaps even considering restricting your intake to compensate for tonight's choices. But the cycle continues because nothing about the underlying pattern has actually changed.
This was my reality for years before I understood what was truly happening beneath the surface. When you're caught in chronic people-pleasing patterns, food often becomes the one relationship where you feel you can finally say "yes" to yourself. It's readily available, provides immediate gratification, and doesn't judge you or demand anything in return. Food transforms into your comfort after giving all day to others, your reward for being perpetually helpful, your rebellion against the relentless pressure to be perfect, and your numbing agent for the resentment you can't admit you feel.
But here's what I discovered through my own healing journey: using food in this way isn't actually saying "yes" to yourself. It's simply another form of saying "no" to what your body truly needs, which includes consistent nourishment, healthy boundaries, adequate rest, and genuine self-care.
Your body possesses remarkable intelligence, and when you consistently override its signals for food, rest, and boundaries in service of others, it begins to compensate in ways that can feel completely out of your control. You experience energy crashes that drive intense cravings, stress hormone spikes that make you crave sugar and processed foods, disrupted hunger and fullness cues from erratic eating patterns, and emotional eating triggers that seem impossible to resist.
These responses aren't character flaws or evidence of lacking willpower. They represent your body's natural response to chronic stress and depletion, and recognizing them as such is the first step toward healing. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God designed your body with incredible wisdom to guide and protect you.
Breaking the cycle: From people-pleasing to self-nourishing
Your journey from people-pleasing to food freedom isn't about achieving perfect eating habits or never helping others again. Instead, it's about learning to nourish yourself first so you can serve from a place of overflow rather than depletion. As you care for the temple God has given you, you honor Him and position yourself to serve His purposes more effectively.
The transformation begins with implementing what I call "micro-boundaries." You don't need to overhaul your entire life overnight. Start by protecting just one meal per day as completely non-negotiable, even if it's only fifteen minutes. Create simple transition rituals between work and personal time, such as taking three deep breaths before entering your home. Practice pausing before automatically agreeing to requests, and schedule self-care appointments with the same commitment you'd show an important client meeting.
Simultaneously, begin reframing your relationship with food. Rather than viewing it as a reward, punishment, or escape, start seeing food as fuel for your mission as a leader, support for your nervous system during stressful times, an act of self-respect and body wisdom, and the foundation for sustainable energy rather than quick fixes.
Often, when you believe you're hungry for food, you're actually experiencing hunger for something entirely different. You might be craving recognition and appreciation, longing for rest and downtime, seeking deeper connection and intimacy, needing creative expression, or yearning for spiritual nourishment. Learning to identify and properly feed these deeper hungers significantly reduces your reliance on food for emotional needs.
Something that finally motivated me to prioritize my own needs was understanding that my people-pleasing patterns were actually damaging both my business and my ability to serve the people I wanted to help. When I operated from constant depletion, I showed up as less creative and innovative, more reactive and stressed, unable to hold proper space for my clients' real transformations, and as someone modeling unsustainable habits for the very women I was trying to guide toward wellness.
However, when I began nourishing myself first, everything shifted dramatically. I became more present and effective with clients, gained clarity about my boundaries and offerings, transformed into a living example of the food freedom I was teaching, and developed sustainable energy and enthusiasm for my work.
If you're reading this and recognizing yourself in these patterns, please understand that your body is not broken, and you are not lacking willpower. Your relationship with food is simply showing you exactly where you need more boundaries, increased self-compassion, and more authentic self-care practices. The women I work with who experience the most profound transformations are those who finally grasp this fundamental truth: you cannot serve others effectively from an empty cup, and you cannot achieve food freedom while consistently abandoning your own essential needs.
As you navigate your days in the coming week, consider asking yourself these three essential questions. First, "What does my body actually need right now?" This might be rest, nourishment, movement, or connection. Second, "Am I saying yes to this opportunity from a place of overflow or depletion?" And finally, "How can I nourish myself first so I can serve others sustainably?"
Your goal isn't to become selfish or to stop caring for others entirely. Rather, it's to create a sustainable relationship with both food and service that honors your body's wisdom while allowing you to show up fully for your mission and purpose. Your body has been attempting to capture your attention through food cravings, energy crashes, and emotional eating episodes. What if, instead of fighting these signals, you began listening to them with curiosity and compassion? What if they're not problems requiring solutions, but rather invitations to finally come home to yourself?
The world genuinely needs what you have to offer, but it needs you to be sustainable, nourished, and whole. That transformative journey begins with the radical act of saying "yes" to your own body's legitimate needs, trusting that God will provide the strength and wisdom you need each step of the way.
Remember: healing your relationship with food while fulfilling your God-given purpose isn't a selfish act. It's absolutely essential. Your body, your work, and everyone you serve will ultimately thank you for making this crucial investment in yourself. You don't have to do this alone; lean into His grace as you learn to extend that same grace to yourself. If you're ready to take the next step in your journey toward food freedom and need personalized support, don't hesitate to reach out for guidance.
Jasmine Kelly-Stephens, IIN Holistic Health and Wellness Coach
Jasmine is an exceptional Trauma-informed Emotional Eating Holistic Health and Wellness Coach who gracefully manages her roles as a dedicated mother, wife, and leader in various church ministries. Her journey is marked by notable accomplishments, such as co-authoring two Amazon Number 1 Best-Selling books and attaining the esteemed title of a Number 1 International best-seller.
Jasmine's personal story spans several decades, interwoven with the trials of comfort, stress, and emotional eating. This deeply personal struggle propels her unwavering commitment to addressing the emotional eating crisis, and guiding women towards healing, restoration, and liberation. At the heart of her mission is the empowerment of women, helping them liberate themselves from the chains of shame and guilt linked to emotional eating, all while drawing on her expertise in trauma-informed care. Through this transformative process, women rediscover their relationship with food and their bodies, embracing a journey of self-love and acceptance that brings forth renewed energy, freedom, and confidence to fulfill their divine callings within the Kingdom.
Jasmine firmly believes that the healing experienced by women extends its positive ripples outward, fostering healthier relationships within families and communities. This ripple effect creates a transformative impact for everyone involved. While Jasmine offers personalized coaching tailored for Christian women entrepreneurs, her passion knows no bounds. Actively spreading the message of transformation through speaking engagements and workshops, she aims to reach anyone open to the journey toward healing and well-being.
