The Motherhood Shift – Why Growing Up With Your Kids Is the Real Journey
- Sep 18, 2025
- 6 min read
Cece Warren knows that connection is where true health and happiness begin. A 15-year practicing Marriage and Family Therapist and Founder of The Relationship Wellness Clinic. Her work blends honesty, realness, and compassion to help people heal and create loving, healthy, safe connections.
Motherhood is marketed to us like a highlight reel, newborn snuggles, toddler tantrums, school lunches, teenage eye rolls, then a beautifully curated empty nest. What makes me sad, and what we don’t talk about enough, is the way motherhood changes us as women, mothers, and partners.
Sometimes, what grows in us during these years isn’t just love, it’s grief. Real, gut-level, daily grief, and that’s the honest truth.
I adore my kids. There are moments of pure joy that take my breath away. But almost every day, I grieve something, quietly and privately. While I see posts of milestone photos with hashtags about blessed moments, I grieve each first day of a new grade, each pair of shoes that’s a size bigger, the moment I sold the rocking chair I used to rock them in every night (cue the ugly cry). And I know I am not alone in this.
That’s what we need to normalize and make space for, motherhood is full of joy and also full of little heartbreaks. Not just the obvious ones, loss of sleep, freedom, the ability to pee alone, but the quiet, minimized losses. The ones that hit you out of nowhere when you find yourself staring at a pile of baby toys no one touches anymore, or watching your teenager drive away for the first time and thinking, Wait. When did that part of me go too?
And the hardest part? No one really highlights it. At least, not loud enough that motherhood is seen as a constant growth stage.
Motherhood is constant change, and constant letting go
It is easy to focus on grief as death and tragedy, but grief comes in many forms. Grief is about loss, and motherhood is basically one long lesson in loss, in incremental moments.
Every milestone is a tiny goodbye:
The last time they breastfed or bottle-fed.
The last time they reached for your hand in public.
The last time you were the first person they ran to with their news.
The day you realize they just don’t need you the way they once did.
It’s not dramatic. It’s not tragic. It’s just real. And yet we often feel like we’re expected to smile, stay grateful, and never let it show how sad and hard those little moments truly are.
Here’s the truth, you can love your life, love being a mom, love your kids, and experience moments of grief at the same time. Gratitude and grief are not mutually exclusive, they’re kind of like dance partners in a way, they ebb and flow together.
From baby blues to teen transitions: The grief we don’t name
Let’s call it what it is:
Infancy: We grieve our autonomy, our old identity, our social life.
Toddlerhood: We grieve being their everything, replaced by their loud and proud “I do it myself.”
School years: The daily rituals change, the space between you grows. We become a facilitator instead of their whole world.
Teenage years: Emotional intimacy becomes a rollercoaster. They seek freedom, we crave connection.
Empty nest: The grief gets louder. We cheer them on while feeling strangely untethered in our own self.
Most mothers go through this silently, thinking it’s just “part of the job,” or, heartbreakingly, thinking something is wrong with them for feeling so deeply. For the lucky moms who have a community and mama tribe, there is connection, compassion, and comfort. If you are experiencing these moments of grief, please know nothing is wrong with you, Mama. You’re amazing! This is just what transformation looks like through motherhood. This is normal, and you are not the only one.
Why society struggles with mothers and mourning childhood experiences
The world loves the idea of motherhood, and honestly, many of us love looking at the posts about pregnancy results, baby showers, gender reveals, first-day-of-school photos, and family Christmas cards. They are sweet, beautiful moments worth celebrating. But alongside the joy, there’s also a very real emotional cost to caregiving, and that part often gets ignored.
Mothers are expected to “bounce back,” stay endlessly selfless, and never complain. We’re encouraged to focus on gratitude and keep it all together. But when we admit that we miss being needed, that we feel lonely, or that a milestone made us cry in the bathroom, we risk being labeled as “too emotional” or “not grateful enough.”
And so, many mothers go quiet and carry their grief alone. They scroll through everyone else’s highlight reels and quietly wonder, Am I the only one feeling this way?
You’re not. None of us is. And that’s why we need to start talking about this, so no mother ever feels like she’s grieving in secret.
Motherhood’s hidden gift: Growing right alongside your kids
In an article about grief, I would be remiss if I did not talk about something positive as well. The beautiful truth is that grief isn’t the opposite of joy, it’s a sign that you’ve loved deeply. It’s proof that every single season of motherhood has mattered to you, even the messy ones.
Grief isn’t just about what you lose, it’s also about what you gain. Every time you let go of one version of motherhood, you make room for something new:
The strength to hold healthy boundaries.
The freedom to be present instead of trying to control everything.
A clearer, more grounded sense of who you are beyond “Mom.”
The space to rediscover the passions, friendships, and dreams that had to wait.
This is the hidden gift of motherhood, it grows you while you grow them. It’s not just a role you play, it’s a journey that keeps unfolding, shaping you into someone wiser, stronger, and more whole.
So, what do we do with all this?
1. We normalize it
As a society, as parents, as partners, we talk about the emotional side of motherhood as openly as we talk about tantrums and teething.
We let moms say:
“I miss those days.”
“I don’t know who I am right now.”
“I’m proud and heartbroken at the same time.”
And instead of rushing to fix it, we say, “Same. Me too,” or “It’s okay to feel that way,” or “I am here for you and that makes sense.”
Mothers deserve to be witnessed
You are not weak for missing what was. You are not selfish for wanting more for yourself. You are not wrong for needing time to process it all.
You are a wonderfully imperfect human raising tiny, little, growing humans, of course it’s going to change you.
So wherever you are on this winding road of motherhood, please hear this, your grief is not just valid, it’s sacred. And when you let yourself feel it, it becomes the soil where your next season of growth can bloom.
Therapy program:
Evolving mama: thriving through your child’s growth (and your own)
If reading this made you nod, sigh, or feel a little tug at your heart, know this, you are not alone. Motherhood brings pride, joy, nostalgia, and yes, moments that quietly ache, and it’s okay to need support navigating all of it.
"Evolving Mama: Thriving Through Your Child’s Growth (And Your Own)" is an 8-week individual therapy program designed to meet you exactly where you are. Together, in a safe and private space, we’ll:
Explore the full spectrum of emotions that come with each stage of motherhood.
Give you tools to feel grounded, present, and confident as your children, and you, grow.
Honour your journey and help you reconnect with yourself, your needs, and your strengths.
This is a space just for you, where your feelings are valid, your growth is celebrated, and your next chapter can unfold with clarity and support.
Read more from Cece Warren
Cece Warren, Certified Counsellor and Registered Marriage and Family Therapist
When it comes to relationships, couples therapy, betrayal recovery, and all the messiness in between, Cece Warren keeps it real. She is known for her transparency, gentleness, and unapologetic honesty. Her years of unhealthy, disconnected relationships and emotional chaos became her greatest teacher, allowing her empathy, clarity, and compassion to help others break free from unhealthy cycles and build connections that feel safe. Cece turned her own emotional, mental, and relational pain into fuel to help others rise. She is the founder and CEO of the Relationship Wellness Clinic and the voice behind the podcast, The Compassionately Blunt Therapist, where hard truths meet genuine care.
