The Inner Critic Trap
- Brainz Magazine
- Aug 14
- 7 min read
Written by Petra Brunnbauer, Mind-Body Coach
Petra Brunnbauer is an award-winning Mind-Body Coach, founder of The Jōrni® well-being platform, and host of the globally ranked Jōrni Podcast. With a Master’s in Psychology and as a doctoral student in Mind-Body Medicine, Petra is committed to advancing holistic approaches to health and healing.
Have you ever noticed how quickly your mind turns a small mistake into proof of something bigger? Perhaps you said the wrong thing at work or missed a friend's call, and within seconds, your thoughts spiral into stories about who you are or what you are not capable of. Many of us experience this negative Inner Critic at some point. While it might seem harmless or normal, this ongoing criticism may actually keep your nervous system trapped in cycles of chronic stress and overwhelm.
How self-judgment shapes your inner world
Self-judgment is more than an unpleasant habit or a momentary lapse into negativity. Consistent internal criticism influences how we experience our emotional landscape and affects how we see ourselves. Over time, this internalized judgment changes our ability to connect deeply with ourselves and others. Because this process often happens gradually, we might not fully realize how deeply our inner critic has shaped our daily experiences. This powerful internal influence can explain why positive changes sometimes feel impossible to make, despite our sincere desire and efforts to create them.
The emotional weight of self-criticism
Every critical thought carries emotional weight, even if we don’t consciously notice it. Repeated internal criticism can trigger feelings of shame, anxiety, and exhaustion, creating an emotional environment where stress accumulates. Over time, carrying these negative emotions becomes a familiar experience we might mistakenly accept as our normal baseline. But does this emotional burden truly belong to us, or have we unintentionally taken on someone else's judgments?
How self-judgment changes your self-perception
Self-criticism is powerful enough to shift the way we see ourselves. Gradually, persistent negative self-talk alters our self-image, leading us to doubt our worth, our decisions, and even our ability to connect meaningfully with others. This shift doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built thought by thought, silently reshaping our internal landscape until the person we see in the mirror no longer matches who we truly are.
How the nervous system responds to criticism
Interestingly, the nervous system does not distinguish clearly between threats coming from the outside world and those we generate internally. When we repeatedly criticize ourselves, our body reacts similarly to facing an external danger, activating survival responses. What makes internal criticism particularly powerful is that we cannot escape or physically avoid it, as we might do with external stressors. Over time, the persistent nature of self-criticism can shift our nervous system toward Functional Freeze, making it difficult to return to regulation and safety. Rather than merely creating unpleasant emotional experiences, our inner critic has real-life, physical consequences, affecting our health, emotional state, and resilience.
Inner criticism as a nervous system threat
To our nervous system, frequent self-criticism feels like ongoing danger. Each judgmental thought signals that something is wrong, triggering our body's stress responses. When this occurs repeatedly, our nervous system learns to remain alert and defensive, rarely fully relaxing into safety. We might notice constant tension, anxiety, or an inability to fully unwind and relax. What began as internal commentary has now become a state of chronic stress.
Why emotional numbness happens
Over time, to cope with these internal threats, our nervous system may begin numbing emotions. Initially, numbness might feel protective, shielding us from uncomfortable feelings like fear, shame, or guilt. Gradually, however, this numbness disconnects us from joy, curiosity, and even intimacy. The inner critic intended to protect us has instead isolated us from experiencing our own lives and emotions.
The cycle of self-criticism and Functional Freeze
Self-criticism doesn’t just affect our emotional well-being. It also reinforces Functional Freeze, where our nervous system becomes trapped in simultaneous activation and shutdown. In Functional Freeze, we continue to function outwardly while feeling disconnected, exhausted, anxious, and overwhelmed on the inside. Our inner critic intensifies this pattern because our body interprets it as a relentless threat, making it harder for us to naturally transition out of stress and into rest and safety. As we become increasingly stuck in this mixed nervous system state, we often find ourselves withdrawing from important connections, losing trust in our own abilities, and misunderstanding what it truly means to take responsibility for ourselves.
Turning away from care and connection
If our inner critic is very strong, receiving kindness from others can feel uncomfortable or undeserved. We might find ourselves deflecting compliments, hesitating to ask for help, or avoiding vulnerability altogether. Yet, human care and connection are precisely what our nervous system needs to feel safe and regulated. When we push away support, we inadvertently reinforce the cycle of internal criticism and isolation.
Eroding confidence from within
Our inner critic systematically undermines self-confidence. It questions our decisions, magnifies mistakes, and minimizes successes. Gradually, this erosion of confidence makes taking risks or trying new things increasingly difficult. Without realizing it, we may settle into a smaller, safer version of our lives because it aligns with what our inner critic considers acceptable and comfortable.
Confusing self-criticism with responsibility
Many of us believe that being self-critical makes us responsible, disciplined, or accountable. True responsibility, however, doesn’t thrive on relentless negativity and putting ourselves down. Personal accountability involves acknowledging mistakes and addressing them constructively, without sacrificing our self-worth or emotional safety. Can responsibility exist without self-criticism? It can, and perhaps it is time to explore what that might look like.
Creating space for a kinder inner voice
Moving from self-criticism to self-compassion is more complex than simply choosing kinder words or shifting our mindset. It requires actively creating an internal environment in which compassion can grow. Instead of trying to force fake positivity onto a nervous system already strained by internal criticism, we can gently recalibrate our approach. We acknowledge our emotional state and meet ourselves exactly as we are. Over time, this practice of deliberately being kind to ourselves allows compassion to unfold, reconnecting us to our emotional experiences and rebuilding the trust we have lost in ourselves.
Small practices to engage the subconscious
Rather than trying to control our negative thoughts through conscious effort and willpower, we can engage in practices that access and shift our subconscious beliefs. Approaches such as hypnosis to uncover deeper emotional patterns, tapping practices that release stored tension from the body, or guided visualizations that allow us to safely explore and rewrite old stories, support our subconscious mind in creating new, compassionate stories and releasing limiting blocks. Over time, this deeper, integrative approach can shift our inner critic because we are healing at the root cause.
Allowing emotions to return
Restoring emotional connection involves giving ourselves permission to feel again, especially after long periods of emotional numbness. We might begin by acknowledging brief moments of happiness, sadness, curiosity, or even uncertainty as they happen. This can initially seem unsafe and unfamiliar. Rather than resisting or immediately labeling these emotions, we can allow them to surface, understanding that emotions themselves are neither threats nor demands. They are simply indicators of our lived experiences. As our nervous system registers the safety of feeling these emotions again, the numbness begins to open up to curiosity.
Rediscovering trust in ourselves
Our inner critic often convinces us that our own intuition or feelings can’t be trusted. To restore trust, we can practice intentionally validating small, daily choices. Each decision we make without critical self-evaluation, even minor ones like choosing dinner or deciding what to wear to work, reinforces a sense of reliability in our own judgment. Trust emerges from the repeated experience of valuing ourselves and our capacity to navigate uncertainty. We reclaim the trust we have lost and come to understand that our worth is deeply rooted in our fundamental capacity to live life authentically.
Cultivating compassion through connection
Compassionate inner talk thrives on relationships that offer kindness, reflection, and support. Just as negative self-talk is often internalized through earlier experiences with criticism, compassionate self-talk develops through interactions where empathy and kindness are consistently mirrored back to us. As humans, we naturally co-regulate our emotions and sense of self through social engagement. Being witnessed, accepted, and valued in compassionate relationships helps our nervous systems relearn what emotional safety feels like, enabling us to internalize these supportive experiences and replace internal criticism with a more compassionate voice.
Making compassionate conversations a daily habit
To shift our internal dialogue, compassion must become a regular practice. We can begin by consciously integrating compassionate self-talk into our everyday lives. When negative self-talk arises, we can pause and ask ourselves what we would say to someone we deeply care about if they faced the same situation. This practice allows us to navigate challenges constructively without losing sight of our own humanity. Through consciously choosing to respond to ourselves with compassion, we begin to shift the subconscious patterns that fuel our inner critic.
Our relationship with ourselves as a lifelong journey
Transforming our inner critic into a compassionate voice is not simply about eliminating critical thoughts. Instead, it is an evolving relationship that calls for ongoing curiosity, acceptance, and openness toward ourselves. Throughout this journey, we come to realize that our inner critic was never really about who we are or what we lack. It started off as an adaptation to past experiences and unmet emotional needs. By shifting our subconscious beliefs, reconnecting with our emotions, and connecting with compassionate relationships, we begin to understand that self-compassion is not something we need to earn or achieve. It is something we inherently deserve. Ultimately, the goal is a commitment to continually deepen our relationship with ourselves.
Ready to go deeper?
Explore The Functional Freeze Formula, your roadmap to understanding, recognizing, and recovering from Functional Freeze so you can transform your inner critic into your lifelong cheerleader.
Petra Brunnbauer, Mind-Body Coach
Petra Brunnbauer is an award-winning Mind-Body Coach, founder of The Jōrni® well-being platform, and host of the globally ranked Jōrni Podcast. With a Master’s in Psychology and as a doctoral student in Mind-Body Medicine, Petra is committed to advancing holistic approaches to health and healing.
