The Inconvenient Truth About DEI Work: It's Not Just About Pronouns and Special Training
- Apr 7, 2022
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 10, 2025
Written by: Andrae Smith, Jr. Diversity Equity And Inclusion Panel
Too often, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) work are reduced to checking off a list of things one must do to be compliant. Pronouns, special trainings, and sensitivity readings become the focus instead of the root of DEI work: empathy. Without true empathy, we can never hope to understand people from other demographic communities. We may go through the motions, but it's not likely that we would truly understand and walk alongside them to co-create a world that works for everyone.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines empathy as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another." Put another way, empathy is the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and see the world from their perspective. This can be difficult, but it is crucial if we want to create a more inclusive world. This one skill allows us to have compassion for others, even when we don't agree with them. This is what makes it a cornerstone of DEI work.
Think of it this way. There are two people in a room. One is standing on a chair. The other is lying on the floor. It's easy for the person on the chair to tell the person on the floor to "just get up." But what if we take a step back and try to understand why the person is lying on the floor in the first place?
Maybe they are injured and can't get up. Maybe their age makes it difficult to muster the strength. Maybe they are too tired from trying to get up on their own. You see, the thing about empathy is that it's not about proposing solutions but asking two questions: how and why?
How did this person end up lying on the floor? Why have they been unable to get up themselves? Why has no one else here helped them up? How can we make sure this problem doesn't keep happening?
Here's a practical workplace example. Say you have an African American employee who comes to you and says they feel like they have to work twice as hard as their white counterparts to be seen as equally competent. This may be uncomfortable, but it is a perfect opportunity to practice empathy.
Your first impulse may be to say that your organization doesn't tolerate prejudice. (Gaslighting.) Or, If you are more equity-focused, you may jump straight to solutions. Resist both of these. Instead, be honest and objective about the situation to see what's happening, and then try to see it from their perspective. Be a good listener. What are they saying is the problem in their own words? Let them have their own voice.
While you're listening, try to understand and validate the experiences of others even if you can't relate to them. In this instance, it's important to remember there is a long history of discrimination against African Americans in the workplace. This is a reality they face every day, even if you don't see it yourself.
Then and only then can you ask the question, "What can I do about it?" Then, you will understand why the issue matters and be able to look for failures in the systems or culture that allow for people like this employee to slip through the cracks.
That is really the goal of DEI work—to make sure no one slips through the cracks. It may seem like it's all about helping "minority" groups, but really it's about dismantling a system where people feel like minorities. If you have ever been in a situation where your needs weren't met and your plea was ignored or pushed down, then you know what it feels like. This is what we should all be working against.
So the next time you're in a DEI training or reading a sensitivity memo, remember it's not about compliance. It's not about the labels or slogans or how politically correct you can make yourself sound (because let's be honest, it's hard to keep up with evolving language).
At its core, the work of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion is about being good people who care about others. It's easy to get lost in the details, but if we can remember the importance of empathy, we will always be moving in the right direction to create a world where everyone can thrive.
Andrae Smith, Jr. Diversity Equity And Inclusion Panel
Andrae Smith, Jr. is an African-American personal development writer and coach. In 2020, he wrote and published his Amazon bestselling book, Facing Racism: The Guide to Overcoming Unconscious Bias and Hidden Prejudice to Be a Part of the Change, to be a positive force in the Wake of George Floyd’s death. Since then, Andrae has been invited to speak and teach on racial equity with Organizations such as USA Volleyball. Andrae also coaches speakers and equity leaders to turn their messages into high-impact books.
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