The Importance of Personal Space and 4 Benefits of Separate Play Time for Twins' Development
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 10
- 5 min read
Written by Smadar Zmirin, Twin Specialist
Smadar Zmirin is a twin specialist with over 15 years of experience working with twins and the founder of Twinful Life. With her extensive experience and twin-oriented early childhood education approach, Smadar provides exclusive services for twin families to help parents raise twins with peace and joy.
Twins are often seen as built-in playmates, always having someone to share their time and experiences with. It may seem like an ideal scenario: constant companionship, shared interests, and built-in entertainment. However, while this close bond is valuable, it is equally important to recognise the need for individual space and independence.
Why is it important to offer twins personal space?
Every person, regardless of age or relationship, needs personal space. This applies to twins as well. Although they have never known life without each other, that doesn’t mean they must always enjoy or accept sharing every moment. Constantly having someone in their space, without the ability to choose when and how they interact, can be overwhelming.
When twins feel obligated to always include their same-age sibling in play, they may struggle to recognise and express their own feelings. They might suppress frustrations, assume they must always be accommodating, or even feel guilty for wanting alone time. This can interfere with their ability to develop healthy emotional boundaries and self-awareness.
Psychologist Erik Erikson developed one of the most influential developmental theories. In the 2nd Stage of his developmental theory, Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (at the ages of 2-3 years old), children carve autonomy and agency over their actions, and Erikson emphasises the role of caregivers in supporting them to gain control over their choices. Caregivers can foster children’s confidence at this age by helping them take charge of their decisions and preferences, such as food, clothes, and toys.
For twins, who are encouraged to share and whose actions and choices are often compared to each other, offering space from one another and nurturing their independent decision-making and social skills competence can be of great value. Equally as important, avoiding making twins feel guilty or ashamed for their actions, choices, or decisions, such as not wanting to share or play together, can help nurture and empower their curiosity and sense of agency.
4 benefits of independent play time for twins
Providing twins with opportunities for independent play offers numerous benefits, both individually and for their relationship:
1. Fosters individuality
Each twin is a unique person with their own thoughts, interests, and preferences. Separate play time allows them to explore their own likes and dislikes without the influence of their twin, helping them build a strong sense of self. As per Erikson’s theory, fostering each child’s confidence to gain control over different domains in their lives is an integral part of human development, which empowers their self-esteem and sense of identity.
2. Encourages social development
Twins can sometimes develop social reliance, which leads one twin to take on the responsibility to socialise for both, leaving the other twin to rely on them to make friends and manage social interactions. Interacting with other children independently teaches twins valuable social skills, such as communication, conflict resolution, and cooperation. Therefore, independent play time with other children allows each twin to learn to navigate friendships without relying on their twin as a social buffer.
3. Promotes emotional independence and competence
When twins always play together, they may become overly dependent on each other for comfort and entertainment. Playing separately helps them develop confidence in being alone and making independent choices. Supporting each twin to find their voice and learn to express their needs and desires teaches them to be more aware of their emotional experiences (emotional literacy), and find strategies to handle challenging or uncomfortable situations.
4. Strengthens the twins’ bond
Allowing twins to have separate experiences makes their shared moments more meaningful. When they come back together, they have new stories to share, different perspectives to bring, and a healthier appreciation for each other’s presence.
The four examples above play an important role in helping each twin develop a healthy sense of self, independence, and autonomy. Offering opportunities to play on their own, either with or without other children or adults, can provide fertile ground for growth and identity development.
Independent play times need not be long or elaborate, especially at the beginning, as facilitating these opportunities can feel like asking too much of twin parents and caregivers. Yet awareness of the benefits and intention to integrate these times into the weekly routine can pave the path to longer and more meaningful one-on-one or separate play and exploitation experiences.
5 practical ways to encourage twins to play separately
If twins are used to always being together, encouraging independent play may require a gradual approach. Here are 5 ways parents and caregivers can support this:
1. Provide individual play spaces
Set up separate play areas where each twin can have their own toys, books, or art supplies. This allows them to engage in activities independently without feeling pressured to share everything. When they are very small, even spacing them on the play mat, or placing them on different mats slightly away from each other, will provide a sense of separation for both babies and parents and allow the parent (or caregiver) to engage with them on a more personal level.
2. Encourage different interests
Support each twin in exploring their own hobbies. If one enjoys painting and the other prefers building blocks, allow them to pursue their interests separately.
3. Schedule one-on-one time
Spend quality time with each twin individually, whether reading a book, going for a walk, or playing a game. This helps them feel valued as individuals. For very small babies or solo caregivers/parents, even spending time with one twin while the other is engaged in play on their own can set the scene for invaluable one-on-one time. This will help build the expectation that each child will have their caregiver’s full attention at some point, and will enjoy a precious moment all for themselves.
4. Organise playdates with other children or family members
Encourage each twin to spend time with different friends/family members. This helps them build relationships outside their twin dynamic and develop social confidence. For twins with other siblings, encourage the children to spend time with each twin on their own, so the children don’t feel obligated to always interact with “the twins” as a set. This will also help strengthen the other sibling bonds in the family.
5. Normalise and validate alone time
Reinforce the idea that wanting personal space is natural and healthy. Let them know it’s okay to take breaks from each other and that doing so doesn’t mean they love their twin any less.
Encouraging twins to play separately isn’t about creating distance or weakening their bond; it’s about fostering their individuality and emotional well-being. By giving them the freedom to explore their interests, develop independent social skills, and set personal boundaries, twins can gain the confidence to navigate the world on their own terms. And when they do come together, their connection becomes even stronger, built on choice rather than obligation.
Read more from Smadar Zmirin
Smadar Zmirin, Twin Specialist
Smadar started her twin journey when she got her first job as a twin nanny. Quickly realising the impact adults have on twins’ well-being and emotional development, Smadar felt drawn to advocating for and supporting each child’s unique identity and independence. She established Twinful Life to support twin families raising emotionally healthy twins and became a twin-oriented early childhood educator.
