The Hidden Cost of Being a Woman – Stress, Survival, and How We Finally Heal
- Brainz Magazine
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Malak Byrnes is a Women’s Strength Coach who helps overwhelmed women break out of burnout and feel strong again. Her approach blends movement, mindset, and nervous-system support to create real, lasting change.
Stress doesn’t start in adulthood for women, it begins long before we even understand the word. As girls, we are handed expectations before we can spell our own names. Be polite. Be pretty. Be quiet. Be helpful. Don’t make a scene. Don’t take up space. Dress a certain way. Speak a certain way. Smile.
And somehow, even as children, our bodies are judged before they’re even developed. We’re taught that “becoming a woman” begins with a period as if that alone defines our identity.
Hair must be smooth (even when it isn’t), our bodies must look a certain way (even when we’re still growing), and our behaviour has to fit a narrow mold.
This is where stress imprints itself, not from one big traumatic event, but from a lifetime of micro-demands placed on girls who never get a chance to breathe.
And here’s the part many women never realize, "Stress gets stored."
Your nervous system learns survival patterns early, and unless you consciously work on them, those patterns follow you into adulthood.
Stress starts earlier than we think
Babies experience stress. When they cry without comfort, when they’re hungry, when they’re left alone too long, their tiny nervous systems react. This is why newer studies show the long-term impact of “cry it out” methods not as judgment, but as understanding human biology.
Then we grow. We enter school, friendships, cliques, social pressure, comparison. And today’s girls face an extra layer we never had: social media.
Filters, body expectations, trends, the pressure to be perfect online. I can’t imagine the emotional load teenage girls carry now.
Add to that the environment at home: Was it safe? Chaotic? Loud? Emotionally unavailable? Full of conflict?
Children don’t forget these things. They adapt around them, and that adaptation becomes adulthood.
Stress doesn’t leave your body, it lives there
A healthy nervous system should function like a jellyfish pulsing:
On → off. On → off.
Stress → relax. Effort → recovery.
But for many women, the nervous system got stuck in on decades ago. Constant survival mode affects:
Your pelvic floor
Your digestion
Your sleep
Your emotional reactions
Your ability to learn and retain information
Your decision-making
Your memory
Your hormone balance
Your weight
Your burnout threshold
And then life stacks even more:
University, work, dating, heartbreaks, marriage, pregnancy, motherhood, bills, housework, social expectations, friendships, health, body image, career goals.
Your nervous system never gets a break.
By the time you reach the League of Extraordinary Women ages 35-45, your body has accumulated 20-30 years of unprocessed stress.
This isn’t your fault. This is biology. But it does require your attention if you want to enter the next chapter of your life with power, clarity, and health.
The good news: You can rebuild yourself
Your stress patterns are learned, which means they can also be unlearned. You can heal your nervous system.
You can regulate your stress response. You can create emotional safety inside your own body. You can feel calm instead of overwhelmed.
You can feel strong instead of drained. But healing doesn’t happen by accident.
It happens through consistent, intentional small habits, not dramatic overhauls. Here’s the method I teach:
Start with one habit. Practice it daily for two weeks. Once it’s automatic, add a second. Then a third. You build your life like compound interest, small, daily choices that change everything.
Habits that transform chronic stress (one at a time)
1. Morning activation: Water + apple cider vinegar
First thing you do when you wake up:
A big glass of water with 1-2 tbsp ACV.
Hydration = resets cortisol + digestion + brain clarity.
2. A real bedtime routine
One hour before sleep:
Dim lights, screens off, quiet down. Aim for before 10:30 pm. Your fat loss, hormones, and nervous system depend on sleep more than anything.
3. A protein-based breakfast
10-15g of protein minimum. This stabilizes blood sugar, mood, cravings, and energy for the whole day.
4. 3-4 liters of water daily
Most fatigue, cravings, headaches, and irritability are dehydration disguised as personality.
5. Strength training 3-4x per week
Lifting weights literally teaches your nervous system resilience and stability. It is therapy for your biology.
6. Cardio once a week
Kickboxing is incredible for releasing anger, tension, and the emotions you keep in your body.
7. Walking: the magic wand
10-20 minutes after lunch + dinner. This lowers stress, reduces belly fat, and improves digestion.
8. Creative rest
Draw, paint, knit, colour, anything that takes your brain off duty. This is nervous system healing.
9. Play with your pet
This regulates your vagus nerve and boosts oxytocin (the calm + connection hormone).
10. Two hours a day without your phone
Read. Be bored. Let your mind breathe. Constant stimulation keeps your nervous system stuck on “high alert.”
Final truth
Women aren’t stressed because we’re weak. We’re stressed because we’ve been carrying generations of expectations, emotional labor, survival patterns, and responsibilities that our nervous system was never prepared for.
But you can change your story. Not all at once, but one gentle, daily habit at a time.
Your next chapter can be calmer, stronger, healthier, and more aligned than the one before. And you deserve that.
Every woman does.
Read more from Malak Byrnes
Malak Byrnes, Online Women's Health & Fitness Coach
Malak Byrnes is a Women’s Strength & Lifestyle Coach specializing in helping overwhelmed women 35-45 rebuild their energy, their confidence, and their nervous system through simple, sustainable habits. She blends Pilates, yoga, strength training, trauma-informed coaching, and realistic nutrition to guide women back to feeling strong again inside and out.
