The Healing Power of Letting Go and Why Removing What No Longer Serves You Is Essential

Written by Mark Sephton, Business Mentor

Mark Sephton is a personal mentor to entrepreneurs. His mission to help others has seen him break into global markets while working with startups and millionaire entrepreneurs around the world. Mark's love for entrepreneurship has been expressed through serving as TV host of the show “One More Round.”

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Late last year, I needed to undergo a minor surgery. While surgery is rarely a pleasant experience, I felt it was necessary. I had to remove something from my body that, although relatively harmless, simply wasn’t meant to be there. It’s unsettling to carry something inside you that doesn’t belong, so I scheduled the procedure.

During the three-week recovery period, I found myself reflecting on how this experience mirrors life. Sometimes we notice something, whether it's a habit, a person, or a pattern that doesn’t serve us. It might not be outright harmful, but its mere presence feels off. That awareness alone is often enough to tell us that it’s time to take action.

Interestingly, what was expected to be a quick, 15-minute procedure actually took an hour. I’ll spare you the gory details, but it wasn’t exactly smooth or pleasant. Still, my body has since healed well, and for that, I’m truly grateful.

The thing that was removed had been there for some time. It had settled in, gotten comfortable. And that made it more difficult to extract. Isn’t that so often the case in life? When something, be it a toxic relationship, an outdated belief, or a limiting behaviour, has lingered long enough, it can dig in deep. It becomes familiar. And even when we recognise that it no longer belongs, removing it can be painful and take longer than expected.

What this taught me is that letting go, even of something we know we no longer want or need, can still bring sadness, discomfort, or grief. The process isn’t always quick or easy. But healing does come bit by bit, day by day, and the space we create in ourselves when we let go is always worth it.\

I took the opportunity to sit down with Wendy Kleinfeldt Founder of Purple Tiger Fitness who helps high net worth women entrepreneurs thrive, feel strong and sexy again. 

Wendy, in the article, I reflect on the discomfort of having something inside me that didn’t belong, even though it seemed harmless. In your work, what are some seemingly 'harmless' habits or mindsets you see women in leadership hold onto that ultimately hinder their growth?

Many women leaders hold onto this notion that they have imposter syndrome. I personally think that formalising this concept has brought more harm than good. It pathologies a very human experience of having doubts about oneself. This is not a syndrome. Everyone has moments of doubt or moments where they don’t feel quite confident. These moments do not need to define you. It just means you’re still human. By labelling a very common human experience, I’ve seen many women integrate it into their identity. “I still struggle with imposter syndrome.” It’s a very disempowering stance to take. Instead, acknowledge that, at times, you don’t have 100% certainty, but you carry on nevertheless.

Another mindset is one around perfection or over-performance. While many women leaders would say that they don’t require perfection in their performance or in the performance of their team, their behaviour patterns would say otherwise. I’ve heard this narrative throughout my career that women need to work twice as hard to get half the recognition of their male counterparts. And yes, while the stats don’t lie, many have just accepted this narrative as unwavering truth. What we ended up with is generations of women who are burning out and suffering from autoimmune diseases, because they’ve been told that that’s what it takes for them to prove their worth and value. That not only must they go above and beyond in effort and dedication, but they can make no mistakes. My recommendation is that, rather than operating from a “I must work twice as hard as men” worldview, think about how you can work differently or uniquely from men and show up in your own way to stand out.

The third mindset that I find quite harmful is the idea of “You can have it all.” This is just another oppressive idea packaged with a bow. On the outset, it sounds grand and inspirational. However, I see that women are struggling to try to attain it “all.” It’s become another set of expectations placed on women, one that cannot be achieved. Because if you accept that “having it all” is the ideal, then what becomes of the woman who doesn’t? Is she now not as high value?

Also, what is “all”? Do you really want to have it all? Or do you want to have a life that contains the things that you want? So I encourage women to challenge popular notions, and instead, to charter their own path. Because what’s going to fulfil them and bring them joy in this life is unique to them.

The longer something remains in us, the more difficult and painful it can be to remove. How do you help women detach from roles, environments, or beliefs that no longer serve them, especially when they’ve become part of their identity?

The truth is that this is very difficult. It requires a desire for change and the will to implement the changes.

Human beings do not like change. A lot of neuroscience research has shown that when we experience change, our brain registers it as physical pain. It also takes a long time for changes to stick, because again, our brain likes to take the path of least resistance and will reinforce your existing patterns.

You’ll often see that people will only change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change.

This doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. I help women build self-awareness through activities where they can self-reflect and self-analyse their beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and stories. Sometimes the hardest part is the recognition that you need to detach from what no longer serves you, and then also be specific on what that is. Like your surgery analogy, your surgeon can’t just make random incisions to find out what you need removed. You need to be precise about what’s holding you back.

The reason why this part can be so difficult is because often, what’s holding women back is the stories they tell themselves, about themselves.

Once you are willing to let go of your self-limiting beliefs and stories, you can then rewrite the story you want.

That’s just the first step. The next big piece is the execution, the implementation of your new story. We often like to think that we are powerless in our circumstances, but again, that’s just a story we tell ourselves. Once you can start chipping away at your own stories, you will have begun the process of rewriting your identity.

For example, a woman once shared with me her leadership aspirations and that she’s looking to make big moves in 5 years. I asked her, “Why 5, why not 2?” She answered, “Two years is too soon! I’m not ready.” I pushed her to tell me what made her think that she’s not ready, and piece by piece, we uncovered the layers of her story and beliefs. Because that’s all they were, just stories. And, it was no surprise that 2 years after that conversation, she successfully made that big move.

My experience reminded me that healing doesn’t always feel good, even when it’s necessary. When a woman leaves behind a toxic role or sheds a limiting mindset, what does that healing process typically look like for her?

I wish there was a quick and easy answer, but it really depends on the woman and what she’s healing from. In extreme cases where women have developed autoimmune diseases from years of chronic stress and burnout, the healing process requires a significant life change or shift.

I’ve seen women who had to stop what they were doing and focus very intentionally on healing. This could look like stepping away from their business and taking a sabbatical to heal their body and create new standards and boundaries. Sometimes, it’s quitting their job and starting their own business because they do not want their health and lifestyle to be dictated by someone else’s demands and schedule.

And on the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also seen women experience an aha moment during a coaching session and then decide to take immediate action. Some changes don’t require as much healing as just processing through the new mindset.

That said, when there’s mental or emotional healing involved, it’s not unlike physical healing. There are phases to recovery and healing. It may not be linear, and you can’t rush it. But you also don’t want to treat yourself with kid gloves, either. There’s a saying, “Motion is lotion.” You have to facilitate healing, whether physical or mental, through movement. Research shows that exercise improves mental health, mental clarity, and triggers your body to release several hormones, such as endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, among others.

Sometimes we only take action when something becomes unbearable. How do you support your clients in noticing and addressing the 'subtle signs', the things that aren’t obviously toxic but still don’t belong?

So my work is centred around the core mission to help women live a life of their design.

This means that I help women to recognise and own all the elements of their lives. At times, it looks like empowerment. At other times, it looks like radical accountability.

If you’re the designer of your life, what would you include in it? What would it not have?

I work with women to name and define their values, standards, and boundaries.

In simpler terms, it’s answering the questions, such as

• “What’s important to me in this life?”

• “What brings me energy and joy? What drains me?”

• “What do I need my relationships, work, and home life to look like?”

• “How does a meaningful life look like?”

• “How would I know when something has crossed my boundary line? What are my criteria?”

These are simple questions, but simple isn’t always easy.

By working through these questions, women can define for themselves what belongs or doesn’t belong in their lives.

Above all, I support women in knowing that they are enough. Have you ever met a woman who does not seek validation and fully knows her worth? When a woman knows that she does not need to prove herself and that self-assurance comes from a place of self-love, she will have no problem making decisive moves to get rid of toxicity or anything that doesn’t belong in her life. 

I spoke about the idea of extraction being painful because something has been living ‘rent-free’ for too long. What’s one belief or behaviour you find most difficult for women to extract from their leadership style and why?

It’s the belief and the phrase, “I just can’t”, insert action.

This goes back to radical accountability in my coaching. There is no “I can’t.” It’s either, “I will”, or, “I will not.”

And this phrase of “I can’t” is often used in the context of how busy they are or the thought of leaving their comfort zone.

“I can’t go to the gym. It’s too intimidating.”

“I can’t take a break. There’s too much to do.”

The great thing about taking full accountability for your life is that you get to own your decisions. When women can shift from “I can’t” to “I choose not to” or “I am choosing to prioritize”, it changes the whole dynamic of their self-talk and how they show up for themselves.

I’m also saying this with a lot of compassion and empathy. I understand, because I’ve been there, that this mindset of “I can’t” comes from overperforming, overextending yourself, and piling too many priorities on your plate. (BTW, if you have more than 2-3 priorities, you don’t have priorities. You have a wish list.)

My focus here isn’t to shame women or their decisions. It’s to help them realise that just about everything they do is a choice. Yes, if you don’t show up for your clients, you will likely lose them. But you do show up. Not because someone made you. Because you chose to.

This also empowers women to recognise that whatever they are choosing, they also can stop choosing or choose differently.

Once we remove what doesn’t serve us, there’s space to welcome what does. What are some of the most powerful shifts or breakthroughs you’ve witnessed in women once they’ve let go of what's no longer aligned with who they truly are?

Ultimately, it’s about freedom.

The freedom may come in the form of awareness of a pattern that hasn’t served you, and now you know what to change.

The freedom may come just from being able to fully step into your power and embrace your talents and strengths and know that you are valuable as a human being, not having to seek validation, not overworking to prove your worth, and not self-sacrificing for the sake of others.

The freedom can also be experienced through your body. When you are free from fatigue and exhaustion and you can finally experience more vitality in your day, more endurance to do the things you love, and just existing in a body that you feel great in, that’s freedom.

This is why it’s so important for me to take a holistic approach to coaching the mind and body. When you transform one, you transform the other.

One woman said to me recently, after her vacation, that it was the first time that she’s ever liked her own swimsuit pictures. This is also after recognising that building muscle and eating more food helped her sleep better, go through her day without the use of energy drinks, and participate in outdoor activities without getting out of breath.

Feel free to also follow Mark on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube, or email Mark at info@marksephton.com. Visit his website here! You can also buy his books Inside Job & Plot Twist on Amazon!

Read more from Mark Sephton

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Mark Sephton, Business Mentor Mark Sephton is a personal mentor to entrepreneurs. His mission to help others has seen him break into global markets while working with startups and millionaire entrepreneurs around the world. Mark's love for entrepreneurship has been expressed through serving as TV host of the show “One More Round.” When not on the big screen Mark is a regular contributor to Entrepreneur Magazine and a speaker for corporate events, entrepreneurship summits, and major conferences worldwide. His expertise in personal and professional development has positioned him as an expert in the industry, resulting in transformational experiences for audiences, clients, and businesses alike. Drawing from personal experiences, Mark has taken the essence of what he has experienced and built a business that helps draw out the magnificent potential that every person beholds using his GPS system to highlight blind spots, efficiencies and deficiencies . He is also the author of two personal development books “Inside Job” and “Plot Twist,” and is elated at the opportunity to continue to teach and influence through writing for brainz magazine.