Written by: Debbie Debonaire, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The caterpillar hides away until it transitions into the beautiful butterfly or moth, resting at peace until the time is right. Letting mother nature take her course.
Why do many of us fight the dynamics of our transitions, from one life stage to the next, especially the transition from child to adult? Why can we not do it in peace and tranquility like the caterpillar? Our transition starts and continues throughout our lives. Beginning in our infancy and toddler days moving to childhood, early and middle, then we walk the path of adolescence until we reach early adulthood. This then takes us to middle adulthood (the arena of the midlife crisis) and finally late adulthood. Depending on whose works you read, the life stages are denoted by different kinds of terminology such as baby, child, infant, teenager, adult, elderly. No matter the language, the dynamics potentially are the same, influenced by the same outside and inside forces. For some, these transitions seem easier for them than for others. Let’s investigate why.
As a baby, toddler, infant, our life stage (the arena in which we live and survive rather than the point in our lives) is set for us. Determined by the family into which we are born, the dynamics of the relationship in that family and their beliefs and values all play a part in how we start life. We are inquisitive about our lives, our surroundings, the sights, the smells, the colors and so much more, but very much from an innocent standpoint.
As adolescents and teenagers, we begin to question our life stage, many confused, sometimes rebellious, sometimes in silence, not sure how to process the happenings. The changes occurring for us both on the inside and the out, physical changes of our person, hormonal changes that are very new to us, and mental changes on who we really are. Questions asked often, nurtured for many but for some go unanswered, causing more confusion to set in. Causing a breakdown in our transition as we are so unsure of who we are. Life doesn’t come with a textbook or step-by-step instructions, and neither does parenthood too. So is it luck that gives us the best transition? Luck that we are born into the ‘right' family. But then again, what constitutes the ‘right family’? Such a minefield to navigate for us all.
The field can be lonely at times, the navigation unbearable. Like the newborn dear, we get up and stumble many times until we find our feet, find what works for us. See the possibilities for us unfolding. Gaining the knowledge to know which opportunities to go for and the knowledge that we have the choices to choose whether we stick with that opportunity or move on to another or get involved with more opportunities all at once. Having the support and understanding is paramount in us achieving what we set out to achieve. Being able to reach out to others gives us a sense of meaning and belonging that helps us on our life's journey.
Moving forward in life, our transition into adulthood relies on what many may note as further influences, society, the environment, others around us. Many people sail through and embark on a beautiful adult life, fulfilling their dreams seeing the endless possibilities that surround them. Taking hold of every opportunity and flowing with it. Others get stuck or lost along the journey, some losing the way altogether, finding it too difficult to make the transitions necessary for them to live the fulfilling life, too many times, possibilities seen as obstacles giving them a different perspective to those who are thriving. They feel lost, depleted, alone, defeated, spent, not knowing what to do, just existing in life rather than living in life. Why so different……
The factors that may determine the different journey’s of life’s transitions
Living with the past beliefs of others.
Living under the control of others
Allowance of outside forces to influence their choices
Taking on blame that is not theirs to hold
Not having the understanding of who they want to be
Not really knowing what they want in life
No positive guidance or role modeling
Being prevented from being who they want to be
Decisions are not their own.
Unsure of themselves
Terrified to take the risks that may be necessary to move their life forward.
Such Dynamics make it so difficult for some to navigate fully in the right direction.
How does one transition when they feel stuck in the chrysalis/cocoon spun around them, suffocating them, keeping them trapped, unable to spread their wings to fly like the beautiful butterfly they are.
When I realized that I could change my life so that it wasn’t the one spun out for me but one that I was in control of, I further realized the changes had to be made by taking ….
Just one step at a time………
Start with recognition - how has your life transitioned so far? How do you want it to transition in the future?
Honesty - being honest with ourselves will get us through
Openness - being open to the changes we need to make
Willingness - being willing to take steps to make the changes, so our lives transition into the life we deserve and desire.
Bring new habits into your life that will change the discourse and create a new course.
Jim Rohn said ‘for things to change you have to change- if you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got’
How will you change your life transition journey today?
Here are a few ways you can start, but remember, ‘one step at a time.’
Create a list of everything you are grateful for. You already have such abundance in your life, your vision is just blocked by the wall you have built.
Create a list of all the things you have achieved. We are very good at putting ourselves don’t and reprimanding ourselves for all the things we have not done, we blank the things we have.
Create a list of all the things you are good at. Again we are very good at telling ourselves what we are not good at. We forget about the things we are good at.
Create a list of all the things you want to do in your life that you have not yet achieved. This can be so much fun. I love a bucket list, don’t you?
Create a list of everything you want in your life. Remember you may have to make room for these by discarding everything that does not serve you well in your current life.
List your goals and dreams no matter how big or small, they may be the same as 4 but they may not be.
When you have created 4, 5 and 6 then you need to get down deep. If you want holidays, a house, a car, etc, you need to know exactly which ones and exactly how much they are going to cost you. Be precise; this way, you will stay focused in and on your life. Also, make them realistically tine bound.
Once step 7 is in place, now the fun starts. Take each area of your life and create the steps you need to take to achieve them. Make sure you put them in the right order so that they follow each other in the correct order, or you may come up against some challenges.
(take my cake analogy, you would not put your cake tin in the oven unless you had first switched on the oven. You would not put the ingredients in the cake tin unless you had first mixed them together. You would not put the ingredients in the bowl unless you had first weighed them out….. Get the picture???????
We all have choices, we all have control of our own lives, we all can live life on our own terms. Stand up for the life you want to live. Do not waste a day. I appreciate many people are struggling with this. I wasted some 30 years living my life in victimhood mode, never really transitioning fully through my teens and adulthood. Just existing until I understood that I was in control of my life and no one can stop me from doing what I want to do with my life unless I let them. Such an empowering time in my life, and yes I got in my own way many times and still do on occasions.
So you see, these dynamics of the transitions in our lives can manifest lots of negatives and lots of positives. We need to make sure what we manifest is what we truly want.
Simple, yes! Easy not at all!! But it does not have to be so difficult. If you follow the HOW and reach out to the right people for support and guidance, the world truly is your oyster.
Create your own positive dynamics!
Debbie Debonaire, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Debbie Debonaire is a Global Emotional Resilience Consultant and Holistic Counsellor who has transformed her life, to become a beacon of light to help others suffering in adversity, fear, severe lack of self-confidence, and self-esteem. She failed suicide three times, overcame extreme clinical depression, and prolonged mental domestic abuse, so knows what it takes to take back control and transform one's life. Her story is one of extreme courage and focus and has resulted in a complete transformation that has seen her rise to become a highly esteemed expert on contemporary emotional and trauma recovery. Debbie brings solutions, inspiration, and change, through her innovative process the HeartAct Approach™ to guide career women (and men) from negative life patterns to triumphant transformation and empowerment. This gives them the courage to take back their control and live life on their own terms so that they can thrive to their true potential and live the life they desire and deserve.