The Day My Self-Journey Began
Kirsten Hemmer is a Resilience Health Coach who graduated from Jay Shetty's Certification School. She has experienced many different health challenges in her own life and believes her purpose is to help others who also go through health challenges.
Most people don’t get taught self-love growing up. At least I didn’t. Everyone has a different definition of what self-love means to them. For a while, I thought loving yourself was selfish and that you should give all of your love to others. As I’ve gotten older, I have learned just how important self-love truly is and how loving yourself is not selfish at all. It can quite literally change your life.
I was always the last one I ever thought about. I thought that as long as I was getting external validation and people liked me, I was worthy and okay. But what happens when that external validation goes away? What happens if you can’t control what is happening in your life?
The saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” and the saying is true. I have learned this the hard way. However, nothing in life has ever come easy for me, and I am grateful for the challenging moments because they give me the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Those are the kinds of moments that you don’t forget in life, and the lesson stays with you forever.
Six years ago, on September 20, 2020, I experienced exactly the kind of challenging moment that you don’t forget and whose lesson stays with you forever. My family and I decided to go to Edgewater Park. Edgewater Park is a beautiful place to visit in the fall. The scenery is gorgeous, and there are lots of places for kids to run around and play. I had a 2-year-old and an almost 8-month-old at the time, so we needed all the playtime we could get.
I was starting to get sick, though, and I also had postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). POTS is a dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system that can significantly affect heart rate and blood pressure. It can also cause symptoms such as nausea, dizziness, lightheadedness, headaches or migraines, and fainting. POTS can manifest differently for everyone.
For me, POTS manifests as a high heart rate and low blood pressure. This means that doing normal, everyday things, such as changing positions from lying down to sitting or standing, or simply walking, can make my body feel like it is constantly working out.
At that time, it was physically challenging for me to go anywhere, but I still really wanted to enjoy Edgewater Park with my little family, so I decided to go.
It was a long walk from our car to the big grassy area where the kids could play, and we also had to go down a very steep hill to get there. I made it, though, and the kids had such a fun time playing.
Eventually, it was time to go home and head back to the car, which meant I now had to go back up that very steep hill. When I got to the hill, I was not feeling good at all. My 2-year-old was also tired and wanted me to carry her, so, of course, I did.
The hill now looked like a mountain to me, but I made it up. I was not feeling well, I had POTS, and I was carrying my 2-year-old. I was out of breath, but I was so proud of myself for making it up that steep hill.
My husband at the time turned to me and said, “You really need to get in better shape.”
My pride turned to shame in 0.2 seconds.
I was expecting him to be proud of me, just like I was proud of myself. It was devastating that he chose those words to say to me in that moment.
It made me realize something, though, it didn’t matter what he thought. I knew how much strength it physically took for me to make it up that hill, and I was genuinely proud of myself for doing it while feeling sick, carrying my 2-year-old, and dealing with POTS.
Why would I let one person dictate how I felt about myself?
I was the only person who truly knew how much strength that moment took because I was the one who lived it.
After that experience, I realized how important self-love really is. No one knows what another person truly goes through except the person living that experience. So why listen to negativity from people who have no idea what you face every day?
What matters most is how you feel about yourself and how you talk to yourself.
That day, I felt proud of myself, and nothing was going to change that.
Read more from Kirsten Hemmer
Kirsten Hemmer, Certified Resilience Health Coach
Kirsten Hemmer is a Resilience Health Coach. She believes in sharing her own authentic story about the challenging health experiences she has gone through. She believes she has gone through these health challenges to support others who also go through health challenges. She believes we all have a light within us, sometimes we just need extra support finding it.
