Written by: Theresa Tirk, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Your self-confidence comes from your identity which needs to be self-generated, not shaped by others. You are less likely to be influenced by others when you are not seeking validation outside of yourself, when you are holding the power, when your confidence is based on your core values and standards.
The key to restoring or stepping into your confidence is to identify what is holding you back in the first place. Then it’s up to you to action steps towards conquering those limits and living life your way. Most of the beliefs and blocks we carry around are not even our beliefs. They have been passed down to us from generation to generation. They may have been picked up due to a trauma we experienced. There are a wide variety of ways that our brain has determined these things are important to our sense of survival. The good news is that we have the ability to rewire the way our brain thinks, what it feels is important to our way of life. We have the power to change the way we think, what we believe, how we feel.
I would also like to take a moment to discuss the difference between self-esteem vs. confidence. They are very often considered one and the same when actually they are two separate entities. Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself overall, in a general sense. Self-confidence is how you feel about yourself in particular areas of your life, in your abilities.
Let’s talk about some of the biggest confidence blockers I have found hold my clients back. This is, of course, a shortlist of the biggest culprits I have found that stand in the way of feeling fulfilled with ourselves, feeling complete confidence in who we are as individuals.
1. Trouble making decisions. Being indecisive about decisions, whether big or small, always wavering.
2. Letting comparison take over. The constant need to compare yourself to those around you not only steals your confidence but, in turn, your joy.
3. Being filled with self-doubt. Always second-guessing yourself, never truly feeling worthy.
Now that you have attached yourself to one of the above confidence blockers, let’s talk about how we start the process of breaking down that barrier.
This leads us to the 6 pillars of confidence and how you can use them as stepping stones on your journey.
1. Awareness - understanding what areas you struggle in
2. Acceptance - understanding that it exists and that you need to take action towards change
3. Action - creating the rituals, the routines, the steps towards getting back to self-acceptance
4. Mental - releasing the limiting beliefs, start implementing mind shifts
5. Physical - body image, body acceptance, noticing the physical manifestations from the mental beliefs and blocks
6. Spiritual - connecting with your higher power, letting go of something bigger than yourself
Awareness. This would essentially be the first step. If you don’t have awareness around a problem, there is no opportunity for change. Take the time to evaluate all areas of your life. Make a list. Determine where you feel you lack something, missing the confidence you need to succeed in that space.
Acceptance. There is no such thing as perfection; it’s an illusion. The sooner you can hold onto that and begin to shift into accepting that there may be a block or belief standing in your way, the quicker you can begin to knock it down.
Action. It’s time to release, time to let go of what is holding you back. This can be as simple as beginning with some positive affirmations. Perhaps it’s time to offer forgiveness, not only to others, but to yourself. Create daily rituals of journaling and meditating, put into place simple routines that allow you to take action towards your goals. Start small. Overwhelming yourself with a life overhaul is sure to end in failure, and that is going to diminish your confidence, not boost it.
Mental. It’s time to really dig deep and work on those limiting beliefs that are holding you back. If you worked through awareness, then you made a list. The process here is to take one item at a time to work on. If you don’t feel comfortable working through these mindset shifts on your own, you can seek assistance through a coach, therapist, or friend. Sometimes it takes a different perspective on your beliefs to help you bust through them, and in order to get that shift, you need someone helping you through it. There is no shame in needing help; if you believe there is, that’s a blockage for you to work through. I will share a few journaling prompts at the end of the article with you to help you get started on your own.
Physical. Do you suffer from poor body image? How about feeling comfortable in your own skin? Have physical symptoms manifested from your beliefs and blocks? Such as anxiety settled into a constant stomach issue? Depression as a non-stop headache? The physical does tie into the mental, as the body image issues may be deep-rooted beliefs that you have carried with you from childhood or some trauma you experienced. If you have actual physical symptoms, of course, you should consult a medical professional. However, it could be a deep-rooted emotional issue that needs to be uncovered.
Spiritual. The importance of believing in something beyond yourself holds such power. I am not pulling religion into this conversation. It doesn’t matter what you choose to believe in, whether it be God, Angels, The Divine, The Universe, Buddha, what is completely up to you. It’s more of being able to let go of the outcome. To have faith and trust that everything is happening for you, not to you. Life is full of ups and downs. There are days it feels like we are being run over by a truck while in the middle of a tornado. If you can hold faith that there is something more powerful than you at play, maybe you can begin to shift into looking at those trucks and tornados as lessons and using them to improve your life instead of feeling like it’s tearing you down. That is a major step in your confidence boost.
Now because I am also a Certified Aromatherapist, I’d like to share with you a Confidence Booster Diffuser Blend. Side note - not all essential oils are equal, so do you're due diligence and make sure you are getting responsibility sourced, pure grade essential oils.
• 3 drops Grapefruit essential oil
• 2 drops Thyme ct thymol essential oil
• 1 drop Cardamom essential oil
It is my duty as The Ritual Queen to also provide you with a ritual you can use to boost your confidence. This may be difficult or awkward at first, but I invite you to stick with it and see if it doesn’t get easier and actually begin to feel good.
Every single day, stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself, in the eyes, really look at yourself. I want you to set an intention for how you want to feel about yourself today. If you are struggling for an intention, when all else fails, you can just simply set an intention of love.
Next, you are going to say an affirmation to yourself. I like these simple ones: “I am choosing to learn to love myself” or “I am a confident woman who loves herself” say what feels good to you. Repeated practice of this ritual will help you feel better about yourself every day.
Here are a few journaling prompts that may help you get started.
On a scale of 1-10, where is your current level of self-esteem?
What can you change to improve that one point?
On a scale of 1-10, where is your current level of self-confidence in the different areas of your life?
Which area would you like to focus on the most?
What is one change you can make to improve that scale at one point?
When you can uphold your own standards and values, that is where real confidence lies. I hope you can take this information and implement it into your day so you can begin to feel fulfillment, love, and confidence in the person you were meant to be.
Theresa Tirk, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Through her work as a Spiritual Life Coach and Certified Aromatherapist, Theresa Tirk empowers women everywhere to step out of overwhelm and into joy by awakening to their own validation and strength. Theresa creates massive impacts in her clients’ lives with dynamic daily rituals and simple yet powerful mindset shifts. Theresa was called to coaching through her own spiritual journey of self-discovery following a battle with depression and anxiety. Theresa is the host of The Ritual Queen Podcast and CEO of The Ritual Queen LLC.
