Stuck vs. Preparing to Fly – How to Tell the Difference?
Written by Lakhvir Kaur, Author, Life Coach & Speaker
Lakhvir Kaur is an author, life coach, and speaker for Christian's Against Poverty. She is the author of Hope to Fly and Depth of Willpower, and creator of the Hope to Fly course, which helps people discover themselves and live with purpose.
Some seasons feel as if nothing is moving. Doors keep closing, progress is painfully slow, and you start to wonder whether this is just your life now. I have learned that being stuck and being prepared can feel almost the same from the inside, and knowing which one you are in changes how you live through it.
Is a quiet season failure?
Most of us are taught how to start things and how to finish them. Nobody teaches us how to live in the middle. The writer William Bridges called that middle the “neutral zone”, the uncomfortable stretch after something has ended and before anything new has properly begun. Another Brainz writer describes it beautifully as the space between who you were and who you are becoming.
I lived in that space for years. I have written before about the night I stopped pretending and my healing began. After that night, I expected everything to change quickly. It didn’t. I was raising my daughter on my own. I had no permanent home. I took a job preparing food for a school catering company, getting up before sunrise to get my daughter ready for school before going to work. People I had trusted walked away. Some neighbours who used to welcome me stopped inviting me into their homes.
From the outside, nothing was happening. It felt like I was stuck.
But when I look back, those were the years I was being rebuilt. I was healing old wounds, finding strengths I didn’t know I had, and slowly becoming the woman I was meant to be. I just couldn’t see it yet.
Inside the cocoon
A caterpillar in the cocoon doesn’t know it is about to fly. It only knows that everything feels different, tight and uncomfortable. That picture is at the heart of my first book, Hope to Fly, and it raises the question I hear most from the women I work with: “Am I stuck, or is something happening that I can’t see?”
Here are the six differences I look for.
You have outgrown it
When you are stuck, the feeling is “I hate where I am.” When you are being prepared, it is closer to “I’ve outgrown where I am.” Places and habits that used to feel comfortable now feel too small. You are hungry for something deeper. Growth nearly always feels uncomfortable before it feels freeing.
Your prayers are changing
Stuck prays, “Get me out of this.” Preparing prays, “What are You teaching me?” When your prayers start to mature, pay attention. Something in you is growing up.
Pressure is building you
When you are stuck, the thought is “I can’t handle this.” When you are being prepared, it becomes “I’m stronger than I thought.” Pressure that once flattened you, you now carry differently. This is not wishful thinking. The American Psychological Association says resilience can be learned and strengthened over time. It is not something you are either born with or not. Hard seasons are often where it is built.
New dreams are appearing
Stuck says, “I don’t know what I want.” Preparing says, “I’m discovering who I’m becoming.” For me, this was a very ordinary moment. A friend asked what I wanted to become. I paused, then said, “Perhaps I could become a counselling advisor.” I had never said it out loud before. That night my daughter suggested a name for it: Depth of Willpower. It started life as the name on a small business card, long before it was the title of a book. Clarity often comes inside the cocoon, not before it.
Wanting your story to help
Stuck asks, “Why did this happen to me?” Preparing asks, “How could this help someone?” When you start to feel drawn to people who are going through what you went through, your pain is beginning to turn into purpose.
Held when nothing makes sense
Stuck feels like “God has abandoned me.” Preparing feels like “God is with me in this.” You may have no clear plan, but underneath the uncertainty there is a peace you can’t fully explain. In my hardest years, my daughter used to bring me little notes from school. One day she brought a drawing of a two-storey house with a room upstairs and a sign on the door that said “My Mum’s Office.” I had nothing close to that at the time. It felt like God reminding me that the waiting was not the end.
What if you’re stuck?
I want to be honest here, because not every hard season is a cocoon. Sometimes we are stuck because we are running on empty, avoiding something painful, or surviving rather than living. If you recognise yourself more in the “stuck” lines above, that is not a judgement. It is useful information. This piece on recognising when you are stuck in survival mode is a good place to start, and so is talking to someone you trust.
Even when you are truly stuck, the way out looks the same as the way through: one small step at a time.
Living well in the waiting
These are the practices that carried me through.
Start by grieving what has ended. Don’t rush to be positive. What you lost was real. Then write it down. A page a day in a journal helps you see patterns you would otherwise miss.
Pray honestly, then wait. Tell God where you really are, not where you think you should be. Take one small step rather than a giant leap. Small, steady steps are what rebuild a life.
Notice the new doors. When a small opportunity appears, take it, even if it looks too ordinary to matter. Mine was a business card. Your current season is not where you will stay. It may be the place you are being prepared.
Where to go from here
The full story of my own waiting years is in my book, available now as Depth of Willpower on Amazon.
If you would like help working out whether you are stuck or preparing, you can make a coaching enquiry through my Hope to Fly website. Or send the word PEACE to me on Instagram and I will reply to you personally.
Follow me on Facebook for more info!
Read more from Lakhvir Kaur
Lakhvir Kaur, Author, Life Coach & Speaker
Lakhvir Kaur is an author, life coach, and speaker for Christians Against Poverty. She is the author of Hope to Fly and Depth of Willpower. Her Hope to Fly course helps people discover who they are, strengthen their confidence, and live with purpose. Through her writing and coaching, Lakhvir inspires others to embrace hope and create meaningful change.
