Should I Share My Grief and Speak Up About Pain After Loss?
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 8
- 6 min read
Written by Rudo Tsvakai Maritsa, Director
Rudo Maritsa is the heart and soul behind Everlight Stories, a service dedicated to preserving memories of your deceased loved ones, ensuring each narrative is a true reflection of your loved one's legacy. Rudo is a speaker on issues related to navigating grief, bringing the message of hope and healing through preserving memories.
Grief has a way of making the world feel both overwhelming and eerily quiet. There is often that feeling of an invisible weight, heavy, isolation being a constant companion.
After the loss, people are often left holding a deep, aching sadness while the world around them seems to move on without them. It’s in this fragile and vulnerable space that many ask the question: “Should I share my grief and speak up about the pain I’m feeling?” The answer to this question isn't simple; it is deeply personal and worth exploring, especially in a society that often urges people to move on after loss. David Kessler, a grief expert, emphasises the importance of having your grief witnessed as part of the healing journey.
The silence that surrounds grief
After a loss, initial support may come in the form of condolences and check-ins. The funeral ends, the flowers wilt, and the visitors slowly stop coming, but for the grieving, this is where the real journey begins. Dr Harry Barry (Mental Health Expert)’s patients describe “the period of silence that follows after the funeral services as one of the most distressing periods they encounter in the early stages of grief. The silence can be deafening. What upsets most is the dawning realisation that never again will the silence be broken by the voice of that person they loved”
The reality of grief is far different from what others see from the outside, as people try to keep up with the culture that sees grief as something private, temporary, or even taboo in some instances. The pain lingers, and yet there's often pressure to "be strong," "move on," or stay silent so others aren’t made uncomfortable. The reality is grief doesn’t expire and the pain doesn’t disappear because we hide it. Acknowledgement of this fact is the beginning of the healing journey. This silence can feel like a second loss when the person you loved is no longer talked about, and your pain is no longer witnessed.
Why people hold back
Grief affects almost everyone, yet many people choose to remain silent about their pain. This silence isn’t because their grief is small; it is often because the weight feels too heavy to share. There are several reasons why people choose to hold back from expressing what they’re truly feeling:
1. Fear of being a burden
Grieving individuals often worry that their sorrow will weigh others down. They fear that constantly speaking about their pain will push people away or make them uncomfortable. So, to protect relationships or avoid awkwardness, they bottle it up, even when what they need most is connection.
2. Worry that others won’t understand
Unless someone has walked a similar path of loss, it’s hard to fully grasp the depths of another person’s grief. This gap in understanding can make the bereaved feel isolated or misunderstood, discouraging them from opening up further. They may question, “What’s the point of sharing if no one really gets it?”
3. Shame about not "coping well enough"
In a world that often praises strength and composure, showing vulnerability can feel like failure. Grievers might internalise the belief that there’s a “right” way to grieve, or a time limit for sorrow. If their emotions feel messy or overwhelming, they may retreat out of shame, believing they’re grieving “wrong.”
4. Pressure to appear resilient
Social media, cultural expectations, and even well-meaning friends can promote the idea that resilience means "moving on" quickly. This pressure can cause people to put on a brave face while suppressing their true emotions, in an effort to meet others’ expectations and avoid being judged.
The power of speaking up
Grief has a way of making us feel alone, even in a room full of people. It whispers that you should stay silent, that no one will understand, or that your sadness is too much. In those moments, it’s easy to believe that staying silent is safer, but the truth is that there is healing in being heard. When we give voice to our sorrow, we give others permission to do the same. Throughout Scripture, we see that God meets people in their honesty and vulnerability. From David’s laments to Jesus’ own weeping, we’re reminded that sorrow is not something to hide; it's something to bring to the light.
Speaking up in grief is not just about being heard by others; it's about allowing our hearts to be seen and comforted. When we share our pain, we invite others to bear witness to our story, our pain and we open space for God's healing presence to move through community, prayer, and love. Your story matters, your pain matters and your grief matters. And God draws near to the brokenhearted, not to shame them, but to comfort them (Psalm 34:18).
Importance of giving grief a voice
Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, in her book, Bearing the Unbearable, emphasises that giving grief a voice validates your pain and speaking about your loss helps affirm that what you are going through is real and significant.
The other reasons why people should acknowledge and give their grief a voice are as follows:
It invites connection. Vulnerability often opens the door to empathy. Others may respond with kindness, understanding, or even their own stories of loss.
It keeps your loved one’s memory alive. Talking about them what they meant to you, what you miss can be a powerful act of remembrance.
It breaks isolation. Grief can be lonely. Sharing, even in small ways, reminds you that you are not alone in your pain.
Choosing what to share
When grief visits our lives, it can feel overwhelming, not only in the pain we carry but in the question of whether, how, and with whom to share that pain. The truth is, you don’t have to share everything. Grief is deeply personal, and your story deserves to be treated with care, reverence, and choice.
Sharing your grief doesn’t mean opening up to everyone or explaining every detail. It means finding safe places and people, those who have “earned the dignity of your story,” as grief expert David Kessler so wisely puts it. These may be trusted friends or family members, support groups, or compassionate gatherings like The Everlight Gathering, where loss is met with understanding and not judgment.
Some people find healing through talking; others through silence, prayer, or creative expression, writing, art, or music. For some, a private journal becomes a sacred companion. For others, healing unfolds in a therapist’s room, in community, or even in still moments with God. Remember: it’s okay to protect parts of your story until you feel ready. Grief unfolds in layers. Choose what to share, when to share, and with whom. This is not about withholding, it’s about honouring the sacredness of your experience and sharing only where light, love, and safety exist.
Conclussion
In conclusion, remember, your pain deserves a Witness. Grief is not a weakness, and speaking about it is not oversharing; it’s brave, it's human. By sharing your story, you give others permission to do the same. You help normalise the very real experience of loss in a world that often tries to rush past it. So, should you speak up about your grief? Only you can decide when and how. But know this: your story matters, and your pain is valid and
should never have to be carried in silence. At Everlight Stories, we believe that every grief story deserves to be seen and heard. Whether you’re sharing with one person or many, we’re here to walk beside you, with compassion, hope, and a promise to honour the ones you’ve lost. Check out our website on how to start your story and follow us on social media.
Read more from Rudo Tsvakai Maritsa
Rudo Tsvakai Maritsa, Director
Rudo Maritsa transformed her personal loss into a powerful mission to help others preserve the memories of their loved ones through beautifully crafted narrative books. Rudo began her journey after a gut-wrenching experience of losing her 13-year-old son from brain cancer. This profound and life-changing experience ignited a passion in preserving memories, helping others find peace and connection in the enduring stories of those who are dear to their hearts. As Director of Everlight stories, Rudo is on a mission to ensure the legacies of loved ones continue to inspire and comfort future generations. At Everlight Stories, their motto is "let's keep the light of our memories shining bright!"
