Selfless Or Selfish Leader – Which Do You Prefer?
- Jan 19, 2024
- 5 min read
Written by: Teresa Devine, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It’s a damp dreary day in Seattle. Dodging large umbrellas and water puddles, I swoop into my favorite coffee shop before work. My body eases from the rich aroma and toasty warmth. Glancing around the quaint shop, I spot a familiar colleague who works in the same building for a different company. I squint with growing concern and walk towards her.
“Hey Rachel, are you crying? What’s wrong?”
She stares at the floor, then looks at me with blood-shot eyes and rosy cheeks.
“Hi, Tim. I’m upset about a meeting with my manager. But it’s not a big deal. I should suck it up and grow some thick skin, right?”
“Maybe, maybe not. Would you like to talk about it over coffee? I see you haven’t ordered yet.”
“I guess.”
“Mocha Cappuccino?”
“Sounds good.”
“Be right back.”
Rachel dabs her eyes with a tissue as I hurry towards the barista. After a few moments of coffee making magic, I hand her a tall cappuccino back at her table and sit.
“Thank you, Tim. You’re so kind. Are you sure you have time?”
“I do. So, what happened?”
“I’m the senior project manager on our biggest software update. My manager called me into his office and reprimanded me about the project delays. I’m still shocked because I keep him updated weekly, and until today, he expressed no concerns. Kinda aloof.”
“That’s odd.”
“I get it. He just left an executive meeting and took the heat for our missed deadlines. If I knew sooner, I could have doubled up on tasks or pulled more people into the project. Now, we will scramble to catch up and it might be too late.”
“I see. I’m sure he’s under pressure, but I agree, it would be best to share his concerns during your weekly updates.”
She nods. “He avoids the issues until everything blows up and then expects us to fix it immediately. If only I knew the severity of the delays before today.”
“That’s rough. Did he discuss a mitigation plan for the setbacks?”
“Yes. That’s the main reason I’m upset. He wants the entire team to work nights and weekends to get the project back on track. This news will come out of left field, and I fear the team’s response. Plus, I’ve let them down.”
“Try to stay positive. I support the business needs to meet deadlines, but I’m disappointed with the leadership style and communication choices you're describing about your manager. I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks Tim. Your support means a lot. The kind I wish my manager would offer. Sadly, I don’t believe he has our back and shows no appreciation. He could pull the team together and offer encouragement for the fine work they are doing and then explain the need to work overtime. Instead, he hides behind a closed door and expects me to be his negative mouthpiece. I just don’t respect him as a leader.”
“I’m not helping much with your manager, but I bet your team respects you.”
“How would you know?”
“Because you care about them and the company you serve. Keep caring and don’t give up.”
“Thanks Tim. You’ve helped just by listening. I’ll let you get to work now.”
“Thanks, Rachel. You take care and we’ll talk again soon.”
Leaving Rachel at the coffee shop sparked the impulse to analyze the significant leadership gap in our workplaces. Rachel’s story is common, not to mention my own experiences. There’s no shortage of leadership books, coaches, trainings, and workshops. So, why do we appear to be failing as a majority with basic leadership and communication skills?
I believe it’s much simpler than most of the leadership experts out there. Great leadership comes down to caring, empathy, and the desire to serve beyond selfish needs. It’s a simple question. Is the leader driven by selfish motives or a selfless desire to serve something far greater than themselves?
The term “selfless leader” describes a person who leads from a position with less emphasis on themselves. Inversely, that the term “selfish leader” is a person who leads with more emphasis on themselves. As we know, there are many philosophies and approaches to leadership and intense debates about which attributes describe the best leader.
Therefore, let’s compare the selfish leader to the selfless leader. Then, you can decide which type you’d rather have as your leader and which one you’d prefer to exemplify.
The selfish leader
Prioritize their needs first above the organization and others with more focus on personal advancement or gains. Carries an unbalanced concentration on pleasing the boss or board members who control their career destiny, causing bias and indecision.
Lack confidence in their team’s ability to do their job without justification. They refuse to release control, creating a dysfunctional, stagnant, and paranoid work environment.
Bias towards partnering or hiring their buddies vs. vetting out the best qualified. Less focused on the greater good and more on “what’s in it for me and mine?”
Take credit for ideas and work of others and seldom recognize the team members who deserve the glory. They boast about their progress and seek validation from others. Pursue climbing the corporate ladder at any cost.
See colleagues as competitors and limit growth opportunities for their direct reports, fearing being replaced. They don’t focus on developing leaders and remain content with the status quo.
The selfless leader
Prioritize the needs of others above their own with a vision of building a stronger organization for everyone. They focus on the team members, stockholders, and board members above personal interests or gains.
Trust their team to do their job. Trust is a selfless act of releasing control to empower others to perform at their best, as well as to learn from their mistakes along the way.
Sacrifice for the greater good. A selfless leader will make a judgment call, risking personal gain, but they recognize it’s the right thing to do for the benefit of all. Integrity never waivers.
Humble themselves to give glory where it’s due. They realize they cannot do anything without a team, and they publicly acknowledge it.
Focus on creating leaders vs. followers. They identify those who are eager to grow and help them develop the same leadership principles towards success. They constantly scan to find opportunities to promote others.
Which leader do you want leading you? Once you ask that simple question, it becomes clear. Perfect leaders don’t exist because we are flawed human beings. However, I believe we can always do better and push ourselves to be the person we want leading us.
After a week, I checked on Rachel, and her situation did not improve. The team began working nights and weekends and a few resigned, causing further delays. We agreed to meet monthly for coffee and I offered to coach her on managing poor managers. I’ve encouraged her to speak up for herself and the team. In addition, I gave her communication techniques to elicit feedback and set better expectations with her manager to help the relationship dynamic and team morale.
After a few months, her situation improved. She learned the secret weapon of managing upward besides managing her teammates. Rachel is blossoming into a fabulous, selfless leader. Her boss? Still working on it.
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Teresa Devine, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Teresa Devine is a former Fortune 500 executive giving up her lucrative tech career to help Christians go deeper spiritually, heal past pain, and live vivaciously. During her career, the demands took over and life's priorities were upside down. God revealed how to prioritize Him first and her life transformed. Teresa shares proven methods to help align with God and unleash the incredible life He intended. Teresa is CEO of Teresa Devine Co. LLC, creator of 24/7 Purpose®️ Academy and MindTrap Method™️ advanced training. Her mission: Swap the daily grind for daily impact.
