Selfish People Live Longer – Why Putting Your Soul First Wins
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 15
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 16
Written by Katrina Fox, Founder & CEO
Katrina Fox is a 28-year-old founder and owner of RFRM. Studios, the inclusive Reformer Pilates brand she launched in 2023. From her roots in the Midlands, she’s now expanded to Covent Garden, creating welcoming spaces where 'every' body belongs, challenging the exclusive vibe of Reformer and making it more welcoming than ever.
We get roughly 80 summers (give or take) on this planet, let that just sink in for a second. So why do many of us fear being selfish with our time or energy? Why do we feel guilty about protecting the one resource we must give to ourselves first?
You’ve probably noticed, when someone asks for your time, or energy, or emotional labour, you sometimes say “yes” even though your gut is screaming “no.” Why is that? And what does it cost you, physically, mentally, emotionally?
Why being selfish with your time & energy matters
It is not just about being mean, or putting up walls, it is about value. Think about your energy like something you own, it’s rare, priceless, not to be wasted. You wouldn’t expect Chanel to give away a handbag for free, would you? So, why are you so quick to give away your energy so freely, especially when it cracks you open, drains you, and leaves you depleted?
Here are some benefits of being more guarded with your time and energy:
It sends a message to yourself and others that your time is precious.
It forces people to value the time you do choose to share, because it’s genuine, not out of obligation.
It helps reduce burnout, stress, and feeling overwhelmed. When you protect your boundaries, you have more energy left to do what really matters and to spend on the things that truly mean the most to you.
The “people-pleaser” within us
Why are so many of us programmed to say yes, even when we want to say no? Partly it’s social conditioning, fear of disappointing others, of being judged, of losing relationships. Many of us think, “If I say no, I’m selfish, unkind, and ungrateful.”
But here’s the truth, pleasing others at our own expense almost never serves us in the long run. Over time it erodes our well-being, our sense of self, our energy, and ironically, it can even damage the very relationships we’re trying to preserve.
Not selfish in the harmful sense
When I say, “be selfish,” I don’t mean it in a negative way. I’m not advocating for ignoring others entirely, or being cruel, or selfish for selfishness’ sake. I mean:
Being selective about who you give your energy to.
Saying “no” when things don’t align with your priorities or your peace.
Recognising that some people don’t deserve your full emotional bandwidth all the time.
You can still be generous, financially and emotionally, but that generosity should come from a place of fullness, not depletion. Remember that saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” So, fill your own damn cup!
We are a product of our surroundings
We are, in many ways, a mirror of what’s around us, the sights, sounds, people, and energy we take in every single day. Our habits, moods, beliefs, even our dreams are shaped by the environment we live in. When we immerse ourselves in uplifting spaces, honest people, and positive ideas, those become the foundations of who we are. But when we allow negativity, toxicity, or empty energy to seep in, they quietly reshape us too.
It’s not just about reacting to what life throws at us, it’s about choosing what we let sit inside our circle, because over time, those choices define us.
Ask yourself, am I surrounded by people, things, energies that lift me up? Do they feed my mind with strength, clarity, purpose? And if the answer is no, then ask yourself an even more important question, why don’t I value myself enough?
Because when you choose wisely about what enters your space, what influences your heart and your head, you build a life rooted in value. And with that foundation, everything else has a chance to rise and thrive.
Conclusion
You are the gatekeeper of your power, your nervous system, and your soul.
I remember what it was like when I was opening my third RFRM studio in central London. I was overflowed with panic and self-doubt, hours blurred together, I was constantly in an anxious state, running on pure cortisol and constantly feeling guilty for not being in a hundred places at once. My nervous system felt like it was in pieces. I decided, selfishly, the good kind, to get completely away from my surroundings and the business for a weekend at a Rewire retreat in the Irish mountains. I discovered how tremendously important it is to protect your energy, and how regulating your nervous system and realising your self-worth can profoundly change your life.
When our nervous system is dysregulated, everything suffers. Decisions become harder. Even the simplest things feel overwhelming. But when we protect our peace, regulate our system, and yes, are selfish in the best way, we gain clarity, capacity, and joy. That kind of selfishness isn’t just a recipe for survival, to me, it’s a recipe for success.
Protecting our peace and energy is a sacred power that we alone command. When we guard our soul and choose who enters our inner world, we are sending a message, I am a high-vibrational being, not a doormat for others’ expectations. In owning that truth, we carve out a life where only what uplifts, nourishes, and aligns is welcome. You become magnetic and only draw in things that reflect that worth.
So, guard your boundaries, sharpen your self-respect, and insist on quality, because when you protect what’s yours, everything else steps up and you become unbreakable.
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Read more from Katrina Fox
Katrina Fox, Founder & CEO
Katrina Fox has transformed RFRM. Studios into more than just a Pilates brand, she's built a vibrant community where movement meets mental well-being. By dismantling the cliquey barriers often associated with Reformer Pilates, Katrina has created a space where everyone feels welcome and supported. Her studios aren't just places to take a class. They are sanctuaries for building confidence, fostering connections, and embracing personal growth. Through her unwavering commitment, Katrina has cultivated a culture of inclusivity and empowerment, proving that when we support each other, the sky's the limit.
