Self-Love Is Not The First Step – It’s One Of The Last
Updated: Oct 20, 2021
Written by: Mala Kennedy, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When I first experienced vitiligo on my skin it felt like my world was falling apart. I looked at my white patches and felt myself contract in revulsion.
When I’d hear people tell me to love myself I’d roll my eyes. It was too much of a stretch, and I couldn’t believe it, because I didn’t feel worthy.
As my vitiligo escalated I fell into a dark place. Positive affirmations and faking it until I made it wasn’t going to cut it.
I had big dreams of starting my own business and being successful. I’d done the coach training and yet I didn’t feel good enough, I was always reaching for more. Self-love didn’t exist for me. It wasn’t even a speck on the radar of possibility.
So I had to rewind.
I had to go from self-hatred to self-acceptance. Accepting myself was the starting place and from there I could step up into self-love.
This is what I tell my clients - start small. It seems simple, but is it?
We get to condition our minds to hold bigger beliefs. Every little stepping stone paves the way for the next.
It’s how I approach everything, and it’s how you can too.
You don’t have to believe you are at the top of the food chain. You can start by being ok with yourself, give yourself permission to take the pressure off.
There are so many things you can do to support this stairway to self-love.
Five minutes of something per day is 1825 minutes per year. That’s 30 hours, which in my book is a whole lot more than nothing.
Here are three things you can do now that will work that muscle and get you closer to your freedom.
1. Gratitude
Every morning and evening as you lay in bed give gratitude for the parts of yourself that you like the least.
Let it be easy by doing it before you roll out of bed. Commit to one minute (or even 30 seconds - that's still 15 hours a year).
My self-doubt centred around my skin, especially the vitiligo on my hands. So that is where I focused my attention. I'd lay in bed and thank my hands for allowing me to write and eat, and my skin for protecting me. As I did this I would tickle and caress my hands.
At first it felt uncomfortable but I committed to it daily and it got easier every time I did it. Over time I expanded into more confronting practices and eventually I grew to love my skin. It was from here that I felt confident enough to launch my business, and I got my first client on my first post.
2. Bring Awareness to Your Emotions
Awareness is key. It’s such a foundational piece, and it's also such deep work. Start taking inventory of your thoughts and feelings. You can even journal on them, but initially just notice them. Observing alone will allow you to notice patterns, and where you are spending most of your energy. From here you can release things. If you aren’t aware of your thoughts and feelings how can you ever shift them?
3. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
Emotional Freedom Technique is also called tapping. It works on the meridian points in your body to reprogram your subconscious mind. A few minutes can reduce stress in your body and help shift limiting beliefs.
What I love about it is you don’t have to bypass how you are feeling. With EFT you get to go explore your negative thoughts and go into your doubts and fears. This allows you to release them. Curious to know more about it? Grab my free EFT Guide for Beginners here.
Slow and steady wins the race. Be gentle with yourself and remember self-compassion is key. Self-love is the end goal. From there you can actualise your dreams.
Next time you feel like you aren’t far enough along I want you to pause. Remind yourself that 5 minutes a day is more than enough to move the needle and shift into self-love. You're on your way.
Mala Kennedy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mala helps mama's overcome imposter syndrome so they can show up for themselves and build a business they love. She is passionate about supporting women to feel confident and master their mindset. She is a life coach, EFT practitioner, reiki practitioner, writer, and mama. She is certified in ontological coaching which integrates language, emotions, and body for a way of being that supports your best self. She uses this linguistic and somatic approach in partnership with her other modalities to support her clients to embody their next level. Mala is the expert Self-Care Columnist at Untamed Soul Magazine, and co-author of The Q.U.E.E.N. Xperience Guide to Playing Your Royal Position: Snatch Your Confidence Back. She facilitates group coaching programs, offers private coaching, and hosts a free Facebook Group, Confident Women.
