Seek Balance On Your Quest For The Good Life
- Jan 18, 2023
- 4 min read
Written by: Kristen Lessig Schenerlein, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Everything in moderation, including moderation. When it comes to positive and negative emotions, it seems that spending too much time in either, we lack the full spectrum of emotions. It is often said that being angry at another person can do more harm than good, to you (the angry person) than to the person you are angry with.
Conversely, if we have experienced the positive emotions of a colleague at work that never seems to have a bad day and always joins meetings bubbling with positive energy or emotions, we may be inclined to assume that they lack a realistic grasp on life. So then how do we process our emotions in such a way that we can use them to navigate the path forward without falling prey to the extremes of either negative or positive emotions? If moderation is about striking a balance between two things, then balancing positive and negative emotions is essential for living the “good life”.
In Buddhism, a principal teaching in the belief system is of the Middle Way, which is the path between two extremes. Applying this principle to the idea of moderation (as it relates to our emotions), one is looking for the path that transcends the negative and positive emotions. Positive emotions are based on love, and they are expansive in their ability to open us up to others, to experiences, and to knowledge of the world around us. Negative emotions have a purpose too. They are a source of grounding, realism, and often protect us (Frederickson, 2009). Both forms of emotions are relative, at their basic level and beyond feelings, they also have important functions. Negative emotions serve as an alert to danger, narrowing options to move to action. Positive emotions signal safety, which then allows us to look to expand on them (Peterson, 2006). Appreciating the full spectrum of emotions is essential. Ancient teachings have postulated: emotions are good servants but not good masters. Our ability to master emotions aids in finding the middle path through the peaks and valleys so that well-being can flourish.
Frederickson references insight from a Buddhist nun on another important principle in that when a student is ready, the teacher will appear. Applying this to navigating both negative and positive emotions to find the middle way, we treat each wave of emotion as a teacher. The emotion itself is signaling an important lesson. Experiences of negative emotions allow us to get curious as to what triggered it or to explore the thoughts coupled with it. Maybe even investigate how those thoughts compare to reality, searching for more details that dispute the draining cycle of negative thoughts. These steps initiate a pause, shifting you to master your mind, allowing you to dispute the negative thought that may only breed extreme negative emotions. Negative emotions such as fears of the unknown that quickly spiral or involve rumination, closing us off from experiencing “the good life” (Frederickson, 2009).
Love opens us up. Positive emotions signal an openness to life, to experiences, and to growth. Frederickson eloquently uses the image of a water lily to demonstrate how we bloom and retract between our experiences of positive and negative emotions. A plant grows by turning towards the light. Positive attracts positive. This requires control over our thoughts and instead of waiting for things to happen “to us” to take the reins. One must THINK as well as DO things that breed positive emotions. Simply asking ourselves reflective questions about what is going well right now for us at work or home. Maybe beginning each day identifying what three things you are most grateful for in your life. Both prompts are grounded, allowing us to experience balanced positive emotions. From there we can embrace a positivity that can broaden us and shift us into more possibility thinking, connection with others, and expanded awareness. This type of positivity is not mere wishful thinking. It has the potential to be a new lens for how we see the world (Frederickson, 2009).
The goal essentially is to pursue a healthy mix of balanced positive and negative emotions on our quest for living the “good life”. Generating positive emotions each day allows us to deposit coins in a theoretical piggy bank. As these coins (positive emotions) add up, we build our potential to flourish. If we allow ourselves to be dragged down by the negative events in our lives, we are in essence, draining that piggy bank and less likely to experience well-being essential for the “good life” (Frederickson, 2009). A healthy mix gives perspective and ensures we transcend any extremes that may flare up as a result of circumstances beyond our control.
Kristen Lessig Schenerlein, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kristen Lessig-Schenerlein, a social entrepreneur, mental fitness coach and yoga instructor, is an expert in nonprofit leadership, forever passionate about the fields of neuroscience, positive psychology, and performance science. After nearly two decades of being driven by a mission, almost to complete burnout and after having experienced the real life effects of working within a toxic environment, Kristen began down a new path in service to others facing similar challenges. She integrated her own personal yoga practice and energy medicine into a science-based coaching practice. She became a trained yoga instructor guiding her clients “on the mat” and also an ICF Certified Professional Coach and a Certified Positive Intelligence Coach to support her clients “off the mat” with mental fitness training and coaching. Kristen has dedicated her entire career to transforming the lives of others and sees herself now as a guide to those willing to do the innerwork necessary to link their power with their passions, so that they can live a life more in alignment with their values, while showing up authentically in aspects of their lives. Kristen is the founder of Koi Coaching and Consulting, serving clients around the world, thanks in part to being part of the coaching team of BetterUp as well, whose mission is to make coaching accessible to all, unlocking greater potential, purpose, and passion.
Born in a small coastal town in Connecticut, Kristen also spent a good part of her career in Richmond, Virginia, where she founded her nonprofit organization before moving back to the coast where she now resides in Southwest Florida with her husband and a blended family of four beautiful children.
