Rising From the Fire – Interview with Dr. Shahrzad Jalali on Trauma, Healing & the Fire That Makes Us
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 18
- 6 min read
Dr. Shahrzad Jalali, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist, executive coach, and bestselling author of The Fire That Makes Us. She specializes in trauma-informed, body-based healing and teaches Regulate to Rise™, a practical nervous-system reset for real life. Dr. Jalali runs psychology clinics in California and works with high-achieving adults, couples, and teams to build capacity, not perfection.
Shahrzad Jalali PsyD, Psychologist, Author, Founder & Executive Coach
Why does this conversation matter now?
We all carry moments we thought would break us, the relationship that left us hollow, the season of burnout we couldn’t outrun, the silence of grief that felt endless. And yet, somewhere inside that pain lives a question. Could this be the very thing that makes me?
This is the question clinical psychologist and trauma specialist Dr. Shahrzad Jalali has spent her life answering. As the bestselling author of The Fire That Makes Us and creator of the Regulate to Rise™ course, she helps people transform survival into growth, uncover hidden patterns, and reclaim meaning inside their wounds.
Who is Dr. Shahrzad Jalali, PsyD?
I am a clinical psychologist, author, executive coach, and founder of psychology clinics in California. Beyond the roles, I’m someone who knows the fragility of life and the resilience of the human spirit. My mornings begin with grounding rituals, coffee, quiet reflection, gratitude. Evenings are for laughter and conversations that go beneath the surface.
My life story taught me what research could not. Healing is not linear, not purely cognitive, and never abstract. It is embodied, relational, and soulful. My work is about guiding people through that fire, so the very wounds that once undid them can become the spark of transformation.
What inspired The Fire That Makes Us?
It began with an accident. I started writing this book to heal from a body that hurt in visible ways and a heart that no scan could show. Page by page, I made sense of the shock, the grief, and the quiet aftershocks living in my nervous system. As I wrote, those pages braided together with a decade of sitting with patients in my clinics, witnessing the textures of relational trauma, betrayals, ruptures, and losses that fracture identity and safety.
Out of that braid, The Fire That Makes Us was born, part story, part psychological roadmap. I tell it through Charlotte, whose life after a broken relationship mirrors what so many of us live, trauma destabilizes, then asks who we’ll become. The book is a real-
life roadmap for moving through life when it breaks you and for rebuilding with meaning. Because we each survive differently, I created a free quiz that helps readers identify which archetypal trauma-survival pattern they tend to lean on. Naming your pattern shifts healing from shame to self-understanding. Once you can see it, you can start to change it.
That awareness becomes the on-ramp to Regulate to Rise™, the embodied companion to the book. It isn’t a stress toolkit or a “reset” button, it’s a guided transformation that invites mind, body, and soul back into dialogue. People tell me they don’t just feel calmer, they feel more whole, more rooted, more themselves. Together, the book, the quiz, and the course form a living path: story → recognition → rising.
How is your work different from traditional therapy?
Talking through problems has value, but many clients say, “I understand my trauma, yet I still feel it in my body and soul.” My work goes further, into the psyche, the body, and meaning-making. I weave depth psychology and attachment work with somatic practices (grounding, breath, bilateral stimulation) and trauma-informed care. It’s not only about reducing symptoms, it’s about reclaiming agency and purpose. We ask: What does this suffering mean for me? Who am I becoming through it?
What would you say to high-achievers who look successful but feel empty inside?
Your emptiness is not failure, it is a signal. Burnout is the body’s alarm, not a moral weakness. The same drive that built your career cannot mend your soul. To rise, you don’t need another goal, you need alignment. Regulation restores that alignment so you can succeed without sacrificing yourself.
How do relational wounds shape our lives?
Relational trauma teaches distorted lessons. That love equals danger, that we are unworthy, that closeness is unsafe. These silent beliefs script how we show up, whether we cling, withdraw, over-give, or hide. Healing begins when we see these patterns for what they are: survival, not identity. With compassion and curiosity, the patterns loosen, and space opens for intimacy, trust, and freedom.
Can trauma become a source of growth?
Yes. Trauma wounds us, but it also strips us bare, leaving what is essential. It forces us into questions that comfort never asks. I’ve seen it in myself and in my clients, the fire that once seemed to consume you can also refine you. Pain doesn’t vanish, but it transforms, it becomes your teacher, your sculptor, the fire that makes you. You are not too broken, you are becoming.
What is one practice readers can try today?
Place your feet on the floor, rest one hand on your chest, and breathe slowly inhale, then exhale longer than you inhale. As you breathe, say to yourself. I am safe enough to be here. This tells your nervous system it doesn’t need to fight or flee and returns you to presence the first step toward healing.
What are the survival patterns, emotional archetypes to recognize?
We adapt to pain with patterns that once protected us. Seeing yours turns shame into understanding and opens the door to choice. These brief snapshots are starting points – use them as mirrors, not boxes.
Rebuilder. Turning pain into progress, but rarely pausing to feel. Signals: Overworking after crises, productivity as anesthesia. Protects: Fear of helplessness.
Shift: Schedule feeling time before fixing time, celebrate rest as progress.
Masker. You’ve worn the perfect mask, but it’s time to breathe. Signals: Polished persona, deflecting vulnerability with competence. Protects: Fear of rejection.
Shift: Share one honest sentence a day with a safe person.
Drifter. You float to avoid the weight, but long for an anchor.
Signals: Indecision, procrastination, dissociation.
Protects: Fear of conflict and failure.
Shift: Make one micro-choice before noon, anchor with a two-minute breath practice.
Holder. Holding everything together, even when you’re unraveling inside.
Signals: Emotional containment, “I’m fine” reflex.
Protects: Fear of burdening others.
Shift: Name one feeling out loud, ask for one small piece of help.
Awakener. You sense what others can’t, but sometimes you forget yourself.
Signals: High attunement to others, low attunement to self.
Protects: Fear of abandonment if needs are voiced.
Shift: Daily check-in, What do I need? What will I ask for?
Gripper. If you can control it, it won’t fall apart. Signals: Perfectionism, rigidity, hyper-planning. Protects: Fear of chaos.
Shift: Practice “good enough”, leave one thing intentionally imperfect.
Settler. You’ve learned to accept less, but your soul remembers more.
Signals: Shrinking dreams, lowered standards in love/work.
Protects: Fear of loss if you reach higher.
Shift: Write one non-negotiable and live it this week.
Chaser. Longing for closeness, even when it hurts.
Signals: Pursuing one-sided relationships, anxiety when apart.
Protects: Fear of abandonment.
Shift: Pause before texting, soothe first, then choose.
Carrier. Carrying what was never yours to hold. Signals: Over-responsibility, absorbing others’ emotions. Protects: Fear of being unneeded.
Shift: Return the load. What is mine? What is yours? Set one boundary.
(Explore fuller descriptions and the quiz on my site to find your primary and secondary patterns, plus practices to work with them.)
What would you say to a reader standing at the edge of change?
Begin small and be honest. Name one truth you’re ready to stop carrying alone. Write it down. Tell one safe person. Take the survival-patterns quiz to see the role you’ve been playing, then choose one gentle action, book a brief consultation, practice the grounding breath each morning, or read one chapter tonight. You don’t have to be “ready.” You only have to begin. The fire you fear may be the same fire that forges you.
Start here: Explore The Fire That Makes Us, take the free survival-patterns quiz, discover the Regulate to Rise™ course, and get The Rise Blueprint free at drshahrzadjalali.com.
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