Releasing People Pleasing Restores Your Power & Joy
- Brainz Magazine
- Feb 17
- 5 min read
Updated: Feb 18
El'Deity Princey, also known as The Miracle Coach, is a specialized clinician, author, and transformational coach who empowers individuals to transcend adversity, heal from trauma, and manifest a life of abundance. With expertise in psychology, child welfare, and the metaphysical, El'Deity helps clients overcome obstacles and reclaim their power.
What if unhappiness stems from constantly putting others’ needs ahead of your own? People pleasing is a silent destroyer of joy and fulfillment, leaving many stuck in a life that doesn’t feel like their own. This behavior is often rooted in childhood, taught as a survival mechanism or as part of being "seen and not heard." The truth is, many of us carry these learned patterns into adulthood until we decide to change. Transformation is our birthright. We are the student teaching Self, Mastery.
The levels of people pleasing
Just as there are levels in video games like Candy Crush, there are levels to people pleasing. For clarity, let’s break them down into micro, mezzo, and macro levels:
Micro: At this level, people pleasing is deeply personal and self sabotaging. We please those closest to us—family, partners, and friends—to avoid facing our own internal battles.
Mezzo: Here, people pleasing extends into our communities. We seek validation, acknowledgment, and connection by putting others’ needs before our own.
Macro: On the broadest scale, we people please societal structures, following norms like going to school, getting degrees, and working unfulfilling jobs just to live a life designed by someone else.
At every level, people pleasing pulls us away from our authentic desires and leaves us chasing external approval rather than living in alignment with our truth.
The link between people pleasing and feeling unfulfilled
In my coaching experience, one story keeps repeating: people sacrificing their dreams and desires for others. I once worked with a client who sent a large portion of their income to the women in their family. On the surface, this seemed like a noble gesture. However, this client despised their career and felt trapped, working solely to please their family.
Statements like “They raised me, so I owe them everything” are rooted in egotistical and manipulative beliefs passed down generationally. While gratitude is important, being raised is not a debt we must repay at the expense of our happiness. Much like a rocket sheds parts as it moves through different atmospheres, we must release certain attachments, emotional or financial, to grow into the next version of ourselves.
When we prioritize others' needs over our own, bitterness often follows. We wake up one day resentful of the time, energy, and joy we’ve sacrificed. True joy comes from honoring our desires first. By filling our own cup, we can give others the best version of ourselves, not just what’s left over.
Why do we people please?
People pleasing often begins in childhood, shaped by environments that condition us to prioritize harmony over authenticity. Add low self-esteem to the mix, and people pleasing becomes second nature.
Humans are naturally tribal—we crave connection and often avoid conflict to maintain relationships. But when we consistently people please, we allow others to be selfish while ignoring our own needs. The truth is, someone is always "selfish" in these moments. Why not let it be you?
When you stop people pleasing, you reclaim your power and align with experiences that bring true fulfillment. Remember, you are with yourself 24/7. Honoring your own desires is essential for peace of mind. The more you build your self-esteem, the easier it becomes to assert your boundaries and break free from being someone else’s "pleasing call"—the person they turn to for relief, leaving you drained.
Recognizing people pleasing habits
Awareness is the first step toward breaking free from people pleasing. Every time you go against your desires, you diminish your power.
Take successful people, for example. If they had allowed others' expectations to dictate their path, they would not have achieved their goals. According to Maxwell Maltz’s Psycho-Cybernetics, success comes from honoring your inner compass, not from pleasing your family, friends, or society.
Personally, I have experienced this firsthand. As someone with a 10/10 ACE score and a master's degree in clinical counseling, societal standards suggested I should be content earning $50,000 a year and grateful for overcoming my trauma. But working a traditional 9-to-5 drained me. If I had listened to those who told me to "stick it out," I would not be writing this article today. Instead, I chose to break free, honor my desires, and step into a life aligned with my worth.
Deprogramming people pleasing requires courage, but it is the ultimate path to freedom.
People pleasing vs. serving
Here is the key distinction: People pleasing is rooted in fear and inauthenticity, while serving flows from joy and alignment.
We live in an interconnected ecosystem where we naturally serve one another. When we embrace our gifts and talents, service becomes effortless and fulfilling. Take a singer, for example. A singer with a dynamic voice invests in their growth, shares their gift, and creates meaningful moments, such as singing at someone’s wedding. Their joy uplifts others.
Now contrast that with a teacher who became an educator to meet family expectations. They may show up physically, but mentally, they are dreaming of a different life. This lack of alignment impacts their students and leaves them unfulfilled.
The lesson? Be loyal to your desires, not others’ expectations. Serving from a place of authenticity inspires you and those around you, while people pleasing leaves everyone shortchanged.
Releasing people pleasing is about reclaiming your power and joy. By aligning with your authentic desires, you create a life that serves both you and others in the most beautiful way.
I am the master of releasing people pleasing and guiding others to reclaim their power and joy. If you are ready to break free from these habits and step into your authentic life, contact me here for further guidance. Your journey to self-mastery starts now!
Read more from El'Deity Princey
El'Deity Princey, Transformational Clinician, Author, and Empowerment Coach
El'Deity Princey, known as The Miracle Coach, is a clinician, author, and transformational coach dedicated to helping clients overcome adversity and manifest the life they deserve. Having survived sexual abuse from ages 3-13, physical abuse, homelessness, and financial hardship, El'Deity transformed these experiences into a powerful healing practice rooted in resilience, psychology, and the metaphysical. She empowers others to break free from toxic cycles with deep compassion and unique modalities, reclaim self-worth, and align with their highest potential. El'Deity’s mission: To inspire people to unlock their inner miracles, heal from trauma, and thrive in life
