Q&A With Founder of Silver Linings Therapy, Canse Karatas
Here are some more of the Q&As as promised that were requested across socials and we were not able to answer in the podcast time. These are deep, vulnerable questions, and I want to start by saying how much courage it takes just to ask them. There is something incredibly human about struggling with these things. You are not alone in feeling this way.
I know self-care is important, but I struggle to prioritize it. Whenever I try to rest, I feel like I am being lazy or unproductive. How do I shift my mindset and give myself permission to take proper care of myself?
This is so common, especially in a culture that glorifies productivity and equates our worth with what we do, not who we actually are. Rest, in that mindset becomes suspicious, like a threat to your identity. Let’s start here: Rest is not the opposite of productivity. It’s part of the process, in fact. That voice telling you rest is “lazy”? It’s likely internalized from somewhere, maybe family, school, society, maybe a voice that praised your achievements but never your existence. That voice wants safety. It thinks if you work hard enough, you’ll never be judged, rejected or left behind. It is trying to protect you in an outdated way. Reframing rest as an act of responsibility, rather than indulgence, can be powerful. Schedule open space in your calendar just for self-care. When you plan ahead, but not too rigidly, you are more likely to do something for yourself. Have some easy and accessible go to’s that are minimal effort but effective. You could even do one thing a day for yourself.
I want to make new friends as an adult but socializing feels exhausting and too intimidating. How can I overcome the fear of rejection?
Making friends as an adult can be really hard. We no longer have those built-in social structures like school or sports teams. Everyone is busy, guarded, and tired. And rejection? It can feel like confirmation of our deepest fears, like we are unlovable or “too much.” What if rejection was not a verdict but just information? Not everyone will connect with everyone; it is not possible, and that’s not a failure. It is just human chemistry. The exhaustion you feel? That could be your nervous system on high alert. Socializing when you're anxious burns energy quickly. Try low effort, small-scale exposure. A short coffee, a recurring group event, a creative class, spaces where the pressure is not all on you to perform. Also, try flipping the script. Instead of "Will they like me?", ask "Do I feel safe and seen around them?" Your job is not to audition. It is to connect. And meaningful connection is rare, it takes time and many tries.
I struggle with depression, but I don’t always feel ‘sad.’ Instead, I feel empty, numb and disconnected. Is this still depression? How can I start to feel again when everything seems pointless?
You do not need a label to validate what you are feeling. If something feels off, then trust your intuition. For whatever reason, your needs are not met, and that is why you feel this way. Explore what is going on for you and get to know yourself at a deeper level to see what makes you tick or connect the dots. Numbness, disconnection, flatness, those are signals for you to pay attention. They don't scream. They whisper. That makes them harder to notice and sometimes harder to work through. When you feel like this, it often creates a wall between us and the world. It dulls sensation, motivation, and even our ability to hope. Feeling numb, however, is still a form of feeling. Start small. Instead of chasing joy, try pursuing presence. Work on being grounded and creating small wins for yourself. This releases dopamine and eventually compounds that help you keep building. Go right back to the basics: eat right, hydrate, get the right amount of sleep, exercise, and get outside in nature.
I have a harsh inner critic that constantly tells me I’m not good enough at every single thing I do. Even when I achieve something, I downplay it or feel like I don’t deserve it. How can I stop my mind from doing this?
That inner critic? It is loud because it’s embedded. It is a voice built over years, not days. It probably formed to keep you ‘protected’ from shame, failure or rejection. It learned that if it beat you to it, you might avoid the deeper pain of someone else doing it first. Maybe it is from conditioning or old scripts and narratives. Reflect on your belief systems. When it speaks up, do not immediately shut it down. Instead, get curious. “Whose voice does this sound like?” “What is it trying to protect me from?” Then, gently but firmly introduce another voice and challenge it. Self-talk is like hypnosis, how your mindset is really does ricochet outward and effect where you function from. Self-compassion is always beneficial. It's a radical act of resistance against a world that profits from your self-doubt.
I had a difficult childhood, but I wouldn’t describe it as ‘traumatic.’ Still, I struggle with low self-worth, people-pleasing and fear of abandonment. Can trauma show up in subtle ways, and how do I heal if I don’t even know what caused the wounds?
Absolutely. Trauma is not just what happened. It is what did not happen that should have. The absence of consistent care, safety, validation, affection, all of that leaves marks. The things it stirs up in your inner world and core beliefs. You do not need a clear origin story to heal. You just need to honour what is going on for you now. Start by gently observing your patterns without judgment. Why do you people-please? What does abandonment trigger in you? What does your inner child still crave? Therapy can be incredibly helpful here, not to relive every painful memory but to rewrite the story you tell yourself about your worth. To process, learn and evolve. You are not broken, you’re adapting. You get to choose new patterns now.
I keep asking myself, ‘What’s the point of all this?’ Even when life is going okay, I struggle with dread. How do I find meaning when everything feels temporary and messed up?
That is one of the most biggest questions there is. Existential dread is not a flaw in your thinking it is part of being conscious. In some ways, it means you are awake. You are not sleepwalking through life. You are asking the big stuff. Meaning is not something we find, like a treasure. It is something we build, like a mosaic. Piece by piece, day by day. Through relationships. Through small joys. When we learn or experience something new. Through being present in a moment, even when it is imperfect. When everything feels temporary, that can be terrifying or freeing. Nothing lasts forever, which means even dread and despair are not permanent as well. Try grounding in what matters to you now. Not what is grand or impressive, but what is real. A quiet morning with a coffee in the garden. A moment of laughter with someone you care about. Creating something and for a moment, feeling free. Helping someone else feel seen. These are tiny acts of rebellion against meaninglessness. Remember: it is okay not to have it all figured out. No one really does. You are here and that matters more than you know.
Hopefully, this blog has got you thinking and made you question things. If you feel you would like to explore in more depth, please get in touch via the website for a free initial call to help put you at ease and discuss what you would like to get from therapy.
