Own Your Money, Own Your Life, and the Financial Lessons I Learned by Starting Again
Updated: 4 days ago
I’m Gina Bee, a divorce financial coach for midlife women. I help them break free from emotionally and financially abusive relationships of many years, rebuild their confidence with money, and create a future of independence, clarity, and true financial power on their own terms.
For many years, I thought I was financially secure. I had been married for nearly three decades. We had a home, assets and what looked from the outside like a comfortable life. Before having my children, I had also spent around 18 years working as a management accountant in London. I understood numbers, budgets, accounts and financial information. However, what I came to realise much later was that understanding money professionally and having financial independence personally are two very different things. When I eventually filed for divorce at 55, I had to look at money and my relationship with it very differently. That experience taught me something I now believe passionately: when you own your money, you own your choices and ultimately your life.
Financial security isn’t always what it appears to be
We often associate financial security with how much money someone has. Do they own a house or have savings? Does their partner earn a good salary? Do they live a comfortable lifestyle?
None of those things necessarily mean a woman is financially independent. You can live in a beautiful home and still have very little understanding of what you own. You can have significant household income and still feel that you need permission to spend money. You can be married to someone who manages the finances and gradually become disconnected from decisions about pensions, investments, mortgages and savings.
Sometimes it happens so slowly that you don’t even recognise it. This is particularly relevant for women who have stepped away from careers to raise children or support their partner’s career.
I did exactly that. At the time, you don’t necessarily calculate what that decision could mean twenty years later. You’re thinking about your family and what works in that moment. You don’t think about the pension contributions, savings, investments or earning capacity you could lose by leaving employment, or how those losses could ultimately affect your financial independence.
It doesn’t mean staying home with children is the wrong decision. It just means women need to understand the financial impact of the decisions they make. Knowledge creates choices.
Divorce changed the way I saw money
When I filed for divorce, money suddenly wasn’t an abstract subject. It represented choices and raised questions: Where would I live? What would my future look like? What did I actually need? What assets did we have? What would happen to pensions? How would I create income again?
Perhaps the biggest question: Could I really start again at this stage of my life? I was 55, and there can be an enormous amount of fear attached to starting again financially in midlife. Women often tell themselves they have left it too late. Too late to build a career, invest, understand pensions, create a business, build wealth. I don’t believe that. Starting later may mean you need to make different decisions, but it doesn’t mean you don’t have options.
A financial settlement is not a financial plan
One of the biggest lessons I learned through my own divorce is that receiving a financial settlement doesn’t automatically create financial security. You still have decisions to make about what to keep in cash, what to invest, the income you need, what your future lifestyle realistically costs and what happens to your pension. You also need to decide whether to buy a property, what risks you’re comfortable taking and how to make the money last.
These questions can feel overwhelming, particularly when you have just come through a difficult divorce. Plus, fear can create paralysis. I’ve met women who have money but are frightened to do anything with it.
They are so worried about making the wrong decision that they make no decision at all. That is why financial confidence matters just as much as financial knowledge. You don’t need to become an investment expert overnight. However, you do need to become an active participant in your own financial life.
Rebuilding is about more than a bank balance
After my divorce, I invested in myself. I worked with coaches. I retrained. I learned more about myself, money and the patterns that had shaped my life. I began building a business and later returned to something else I had always been interested in: property.
Not every decision was perfect, and that’s another lesson. Financial independence isn’t about never making a mistake. It’s about having enough knowledge, confidence and trust in yourself to make your own decisions, learn from them and keep moving forward.
For me, rebuilding wealth became part of rebuilding my life. However, wealth now means far more to me than simply accumulating money. Wealth is about having choices and assets, understanding what you own, knowing where your money is and having the confidence to ask questions. It’s being able to walk away from situations that no longer serve you and knowing that your future isn’t entirely dependent on somebody else’s decisions.
Know your numbers
One of the simplest things I encourage women to do is also one of the most powerful: know your numbers. Know what comes in each month, what goes out, what savings and pensions you have, what debts you owe, what assets you own, which accounts are held in your name and what your lifestyle costs.
Also, it’s important to know what you would need financially if your circumstances changed. This isn’t about expecting the worst. It’s about being financially aware. We insure our homes and cars without assuming something terrible is going to happen. Understanding your financial position should be viewed in exactly the same way. It is simply part of taking responsibility for your future.
You are not too old to learn about money
One of the messages I want more women to hear is that financial education doesn’t have an age limit. Whether you’re 35, 45, 55, 65 or beyond, you can start understanding your money differently.
You can ask about your pension, learn what investing means, build savings, understand compound growth, explore property, create additional income, start a business and change the way you think about money. You can also make different decisions from the ones you made twenty years ago. Your financial past does not have to dictate your financial future.
Money gives us choices
Money itself doesn’t create happiness. Yet having financial independence creates something incredibly important: choice.
The choice to stay because you want to, rather than because you have to. To leave a relationship that is no longer healthy, change careers, take time out, invest in yourself, help your children, build something new and create the next chapter of your life on your own terms. That is why I talk so much about women understanding their finances.
It isn’t simply about spreadsheets and bank statements. It’s about freedom.
Starting again can become your beginning
When I filed for divorce at 55, I couldn’t see exactly where my life would take me. I certainly couldn’t have mapped out everything that has happened since. Yet I can see now that starting again forced me to take ownership of areas of my life that I had gradually handed over. Money was one of them.
Today, when I work with women who are facing divorce, rebuilding after it or simply questioning what they want from the next stage of their lives, I want them to understand one thing: you don’t need to have every answer today. Just start asking the right questions.
Where am I financially? What do I own? What do I want my future to look like? What do I need to learn? What is the next decision I can make for myself?
Financial independence isn’t about having millions in the bank. It’s about knowing that you have a voice, you have choices and you have a plan. Sometimes the most powerful financial decision you can make is simply deciding that, from now on, you are going to understand your own money.
Own your money. Own your choices. Own your life.
Read more from Gina Blundell
Gina Blundell, Divorce Financial Coach for Midlife Women
Gina Bee is a divorce financial coach and abuse expert helping midlife women break free from emotionally and financially abusive relationships of many years. After leaving her own marriage of 30 years, she rebuilt her life and financial independence from the ground up, bringing both lived experience and professional expertise to her work. Through her coaching, speaking, and the Divorce Reset Podcast®, she empowers women to move from feeling stuck and fearful to feeling clear, confident, and back in control of their lives and finances. Gina’s approach focuses on shifting behaviours around money, rebuilding trust in oneself, and creating lasting financial independence.
