Loneliness And ‘The Work’
- Brainz Magazine
- May 16, 2022
- 3 min read
Written by: Jess Frost, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I have been taking some time to reflect on my experience of ‘Loneliness’ during Mental Health Awareness week.
In all honesty, I feel like I ran from the feeling of loneliness my entire life. Busying myself at every opportunity, with work, social plans and numbing out with alcohol frequently. It felt too viscerally painful to face.
Over the past few years especially, as I have navigated my deep inner healing work, I have been able to sit with loneliness and honour the emotions and wounds that it activates.
Loneliness is a huge part of ‘the work’, and people’s healing and growth journey, but I feel that it is an area that isn’t discussed as openly as maybe it could be.
Most people embark on their empowering path because they want to transform and make changes. However, many people are not prepared for the changes that occur in your outside world when you start evolving.
The reality is, that your journey may trigger people, especially family and friends. We may well disappoint others who had a certain version of us in their minds, which is being challenged as you grow. Many will have benefitted from the old version of you, especially if you were a people pleaser with minimal boundaries.
As you start to raise your vibrations, those who don’t match your vibrational frequency will start to drop away. You may hear from ‘friends’ or connections less and less. For myself, this triggered deep abandonment wounds from childhood and fulfilled stories in my mind about ‘maybe what I am doing is wrong’ and that I should stop.
Luckily, I was working 1:1 with a Coach at the time and I was part of a group empowerment programme, so I was surrounded with people who could empathise with my lonely experience. They too were navigating some extremely tricky situations and conversations with their people, and we had one another to lean on. My coach called this phase, ‘the messy middle’ – a time where you are no longer the person you were, but not yet the person you wish to be. This term provided so much comfort at a time that felt so unsafe and now comforts my clients too.
The messy loneliness allowed time to really start connecting with myself, and practice self-compassion. I had spare time to safely meet, connect and comfort my inner child who felt abandoned. I was able to dedicate time to grieve the old versions of myself. I cried, I screamed and laughed with joy as I wrote myself letters, along with letters to friends and family. I journaled the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that came up for me, as well as practiced rituals to calm my nervous system and ground myself.
Slowly but surely ‘my people’ started to appear. Humans that spoke to my soul, and enabled me to show up into the world as my authentic self. I was building a new community based on authenticity, compassion, trust and congruence. I found the connection that my sensitive soul had craved for years, where I was finally able to remove the many masks that I had donned to ‘fit in’.
Granted, there are still moments of loneliness, there always will be as I continue to uplevel and evolve and navigate the human experience, but I now trust that this phase will pass, and my people are waiting in the wings.
If you are navigating your messy middle, here are some affirmations for you:
I am learning to embrace the messy middle
I am worthy of the life I dream of
I embrace loneliness as part of the process
I am safe to evolve
I will no longer abandon myself
My people will come
I am on my way to authentic connections
The future version of me will thank me for this
I deserve to keep going
I embrace and trust the process
Keep going, the future you will thank for it!
Jess Frost, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jess Frost, is an Empowerment Coach for Highly Sensitive People and Empaths. After years of being told she was "too sensitive", burning out and numbing out due to overstimulation and overwhelm, Jess' world started making sense when she identified as a Highly Sensitive Person and Empath. She now dedicates her time to supporting other HSP's and Empaths around the globe. Jess runs 1:1 and group programmes to help HSP's and Empaths to stand in their authentic, sensitive superpowers and heal their shadow with NLP and Time Line Therapy. She is also the host of The EMpowering PATH podcast.
