Listening Beyond the Silence and Knowing What FGM Survivors Want
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Written by Howaida Abdalla, Life Coach
Howaida Abdalla is a survivor of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) and a life coach who has experience when it comes to trauma that a survivor goes through and the journey it takes to heal. She helps women to reconnect and love themselves again. She is a founder of "The Growth Hub Coaching and "Women Empowerment edition: Impact for change" Podcast.
Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is often discussed in statistics, policies, and headlines. But behind every number is a human being, someone who has lived with pain, confusion, resilience, and strength. Too often, survivors are spoken about rather than truly listened to.
This article centers survivor voices and reflects what many FGM survivors consistently say they want from families, communities, professionals, and society.
1. To be believed without question
Many survivors grow up in silence. When they finally speak, they are often met with doubt, minimization, or discomfort. Survivors want:
To be believed the first time they speak
Not to be asked to “prove” their pain
Not to have their experience compared to others
Not to be told, “It wasn’t that bad”
Validation is not a gift. It is a basic human response. Being believed says, your story matters. Your pain is real. You are not exaggerating.
2. Safe, compassionate healthcare
For many survivors, medical spaces are frightening. Examinations can retraumatize. Professionals may lack training. Some dismiss symptoms. Survivors want healthcare that is:
Trauma-informed
Gentle and patient
Knowledgeable about FGM
Respectful of boundaries
Willing to listen
They want doctors and nurses who explain procedures, ask for consent, and understand that fear is not “overreaction”, it is memory stored in the body. Healthcare should be a place of healing, not another site of harm.
3. Respect, not pity
Survivors do not want to be reduced to victims. They do not want:
Pitying looks
Shocked reactions
Invasive questions
Sensationalized stories
They want respect. They are more than what happened to them. They are students, mothers, professionals, artists, leaders, and dreamers. They carry pain, yes, but also courage, wisdom, and strength. Respect means seeing the whole person.
4. Space to speak in their own time
Some survivors speak early. Others take decades. Some never speak publicly at all. All of these choices are valid. Survivors want:
No pressure to disclose
No expectation to “share for awareness”
No judgment for silence
No guilt for choosing privacy
Healing does not follow a schedule. Silence can be survival. Speech can be healing. Both deserve honor.
5. Community support without betrayal
Many survivors love their families and cultures deeply, even when those same systems harmed them. They want support that:
Does not shame their community
Does not force them to choose between truth and belonging
Does not isolate them
Does not label their culture as “barbaric”
Survivors want change without humiliation. They want protection for girls and dignity for their people.
6. Honest education and prevention
Survivors want future generations to be free. They want:
Age-appropriate education
Honest conversations in schools
Community-led awareness
Culturally sensitive campaigns
Men and boys included in prevention
They do not want FGM discussed only in whispers or emergencies They want it named, challenged, and ended, with care.
7. Access to mental health support
FGM affects more than the body. It lives in memory, relationships, self-image, and intimacy. Survivors want access to:
Therapists trained in trauma and FGM
Free or affordable services
Confidential support
Culturally competent care
They want their anxiety, depression, dissociation, and shame taken seriously, not dismissed as “cultural adjustment.” Healing is not weakness. It is work.
8. Support around intimacy and relationships
Many survivors struggle in silence with:
Pain during sex
Fear of touch
Difficulty trusting
Confusion about pleasure
Shame around their bodies
They want safe spaces to talk about these realities without embarrassment. They want professionals who understand that intimacy after trauma is complex. They want partners who are patient, informed, and kind. They want to believe that joy is still possible.
9. Inclusion in policy and decision-making
Too many policies about FGM are created without survivors at the table. Survivors want:
To be consulted
To be paid for their expertise
To lead programs
To shape research
To influence laws
They are not just “service users.” They are experts by experience. Nothing about survivors should be decided without survivors.
10. Recognition of their strength
Survivors carry stories of survival that rarely make headlines. They survived:
Physical pain
Emotional isolation
Cultural pressure
Silence
Stigma
They rebuilt lives. They learned new languages for their bodies. They taught themselves safety. They chose to keep living, loving, and hoping. They want that strength recognized, not erased by tragedy.
Above all, survivors want to be seen as human
Not as case studies. Not as campaigns. Not as “those women.” As human beings. With complexity. With dignity. With agency. With dreams.
They want a world where girls are protected, where survivors are supported, and where healing is possible. They want a future where no one has to write articles like this. Until then, they ask for one thing first:
Listen.
Not to respond.
Not to fix.
Not to debate.
To truly listen.
Read more from Howaida Abdalla
Howaida Abdalla, Life Coach
Howaida Abdalla is a life coach who helps women (survivors) of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) to reconnect & love themselves again. She was seven years old when the FGM procedure was done on her, which left her lost and disconnected not only from people, but also from herself.
She has since dedicated her life to helping other survivors reconnect and love themselves. She is a founder of "The Growth Hub Coaching," where she helps & coaches survivors. Her Mission: To hep, To inspire & To empower.
