Letting Go of Control and Embracing the Art of Truly Chilling Out
- Mar 12, 2025
- 5 min read
Written by Jayne Robinson, Spiritual Coach & Advisor
Jayne Robinson is a skilled, intuitive spiritual advisor and coach. Director of JR Coaching, Founder of the Good Initiative, and soon-to-be-published author (2025, NYC Times Square)
I was feeling pretty damn smug after three months of blissed-out living in Bali, followed by eight months deep in the jungles of Costa Rica. “I’ve nailed this whole peace thing,” I thought. Turns out, I wasn’t mastering it as much as I believed.
A few days after landing in London, I found myself lying on the floor of my good friend's flat, using a chi machine, a device designed to rock your legs side to side, mimicking a fish-like motion to promote circulation, lymphatic drainage, and relaxation. As I lay there, I noticed the slightest resistance in my body, an inability to fully let go. Even though the machine was doing the work, my legs subtly fought against it.
And there it was, another layer of myself revealed.
Over the years, I have learned that control has been my safety mechanism and protective shield. Surrender is not foreign to me, but it is an ongoing lesson, peeling back the layers like an onion. And in that moment, yet another realization hit me.
The reason I try to control? I do not feel safe.
What does not feeling safe usually stem from? A lack of trust in life, in the unknown, and in being supported. I used to believe that if I controlled every micro and macro detail, I could control my experience, my emotions, and my outcomes.
The problem is that control is exhausting. And, spoiler alert, it is also an illusion.
Coming back to London was a jolt, a reminder that I still have work to do. And so do you. That is why, as a coach, I do not pretend to be a guru. I am not here to give you all the answers. I am walking the path with you. I have traveled it, sure, but that does not mean I will not trip, get mud on my shoes, or slip and fall ass over head right in front of you.
So here is a truth bomb.
You are an evolution, not a masterpiece.
A masterpiece is something you hang on a wall, admire, and never change. But an evolution? That is fluid. It shifts, grows, and adapts.
As an evolution, you:
Can make mistakes.
Can change your mind.
Can take your time.
Can explore, play, and rewrite the script at any moment.
A masterpiece? It just is.
Whenever I get in my own way, trying to force things to go exactly as I think they should, the universe always realigns me. Sometimes softly. Sometimes loudly.
Here’s how to actually chill the f*ck out
I like being intellectually stimulated. I like being challenged. But smart people? We tend to grip onto purpose so tightly that we suffocate it, then wonder why we feel stuck.
So, what if I told you that…
Life is empty and meaningless. And it is empty and meaningless that it is empty and meaningless.
Sit with that. What would you do with this knowledge?
Would you finally let go? Surrender? Take a detour and trust that it is all working out?
There is a fine line between doing nothing and exploring new avenues. And trust, true trust, only comes when you feel safe enough to release control.
Ask yourself these five powerful questions
If you find yourself resisting, unable to fully let go, try this:
Where am I not free?
Where am I still fearful?
Where am I resisting?
Where am I stopping myself from receiving?
Where, and what, do I not feel safe about?
The remedy? If I create more safety within, I can let go of control.
So remind yourself:
I am safe. I surrender.
A reminder
Earlier, I told you how smug I was about being chilled. Want to hear how I got a wake-up call?
I caught myself midway through typing this into my to-do list:
Relax.
Read.
Watch a movie.
Yep. I literally scheduled relaxation into my task list. A dear friend put it perfectly:
"If you have created this much through sheer force, imagine what you could create without forcing. Imagine all the things you miss."
She was right.
I had secretly admitted to her that when her husband was talking about the shops down the street, I had no idea which ones he meant. Why? Because every time I left the house, I was in such a hurry to get somewhere that I never noticed anything along the way.
Remember this
If chilling out feels unnatural to you, if slowing down makes you twitchy, there is probably a reason.
Maybe you grew up watching a parent always in a rush, never truly able to relax. I know I did. My parents were entrepreneurs too! Maybe "hustling" was glorified. Maybe rest felt indulgent, like something you had to earn.
Whatever it is, remind yourself: learning a new way of being takes time.
I love this picture that so eloquently depicts the fact that there are always four stages of learning.
So, if chilling out isn’t second nature yet, that’s okay. Keep practicing. Keep letting go. And above all, trust that you are exactly where you need to be.
I am thrilled to announce that I am a co-author of That Impact Book, launching in Times Square this March! This transformative playbook is the ultimate guide to mastering both your personal and professional life. Packed with motivational stories, actionable tips, and powerful strategies, it is designed to help you unlock your highest potential, overcome challenges, and live your best life.
Whether you are looking to elevate your career or business, or find more fulfillment in your personal journey, That Impact Book offers the inspiration and practical tools you need to start creating the life you deserve!
Preorder your copy now:
Read more from Jayne Robinson
Jayne Robinson, Spiritual Coach & Advisor
Jayne Robinson is an intuitive spiritual advisor and coach. As the Director of JR Coaching and an avid student of life, Jayne is much like the phoenix rising, leaning into her edge of personal development, emerging from her own transformations and spiritual quests time and time again. As such she is dedicated to helping clients do the same, to create a vibrant new chapter in their lives. Supporting successful entrepreneurs and individuals searching for more to move beyond boredom and burnout, guiding them through a spiritual voyage of uncertainty and fear to a transformative metaphorical death to rebirth. Her mission: embrace discomfort, uncover hidden possibilities, and transform your life.
