Leadership is a Love Story
- Mar 19, 2025
- 4 min read
Dain Dunston is a master coach who focuses on radical self-awareness for leaders. An award-winning author and speaker, he is the founding partner of Reservoir LLC, a consulting company with deep resources for leaders.
I remember his face so well. It was round and had thoughtful eyes. He had a ready smile that seemed to have three main modes: waiting to see what was about to happen, amused curiosity at me, and delighted appreciation when I got something right. He also seemed to be the smartest man in the room, maybe because he did not speak very much.
What I remember is this: when I would walk in, I could see him looking at me with that smile (usually the amused curiosity one) as if anticipating both my next win and my next screw up. And what struck me all the way down to my heart was the idea that either was okay. Either way was a path of growth and development. He appeared to enjoy my energy and willingness to try, and I could feel that. I wanted to live up to it.
For me, it was about being seen. To this day, I do not remember his name, just his face. At an awards lunch during my last week there, he stood up and announced that the next award was going to "the hardest working young man I have ever known" and pointed at me. I was between high school and college, and no one had ever referred to me as hardworking before. But because of the way he made me feel about myself, I did whatever it took to get things right and earn that look.
Think about the best boss you ever had
What was it about them that made you feel that way, that made you want to show up, not just in the building but in their eyes? What did you learn from them that drives your own leadership performance? What was the love story you told yourself about how they treated you?
I am going to suggest it was a combination of a few simple neurological events inside that brain of yours and inside your entire body.
The most effective leadership comes from the heart
And I mean that literally. Research shows that the heart’s electromagnetic field reaches as much as three feet outside your body and is five thousand times more powerful than that of your brain. Your heart’s electromagnetic field can be detected in an electrocardiogram of a person sitting beside you. When you come close to another person, your heart’s force field causes a change in them.
This research is important in helping us understand the power our heart has and how it affects our state of being. When we are in a positive mindset, we create harmonious patterns in the heart’s energy field that lead to what scientists call coherence.
Heart coherence.
When a boss sees and appreciates you, it influences the heart energy and sense of well-being of both of you. And let me be very clear here: hopefully, the boss also says and does kind things, but that’s not the point. The point is that their heart coherence is contagious. It creates a ripple effect throughout the team.
There’s a powerful payoff in leading a love story
A few months ago, Gallup announced that their most recent update on U.S. employee engagement showed that it had fallen to its lowest level in a decade, with only 31% of the workforce feeling engaged with what they do. And 17% are actively disengaged.
Why? Primarily because they don’t feel that anyone cares. Only 39% of the workforce feels like their leaders give a damn about them, down from 47% just a few years ago. And note that that high-water mark is still less than half the people who go to work.
People who experience heart-centered leadership report that they feel more motivated and connected. Their connection boosts productivity and creativity. They’re more likely to collaborate with team members. And when they experience empathy and acceptance, they have enhanced mental health.
Ready to lead from the heart? Take a deep breath
Seriously. Breathing exercises have a huge impact on heart coherence. Just take three or four deep breaths and hold each one for several seconds. While you’re doing that, ask yourself who you are being and what you want. Asking who you are being changes who you are being. And changing who you are being changes what you want. If you were about to blow your top, taking a deep breath and noticing who you were being will give you a chance to reconsider.
Do it every time you get up from your desk. A little love will change your world.
Dain Dunston, Author, Speaker, Teacher, Coach
Dain Dunston is a storyteller, future-finder and CEO-whisperer who has been fascinated with the concept of elevated awareness and consciousness since he was in college.
Dain grew up in a family surrounded by literature, art, and music, from Prokofiev to Bebop to Blues. His mother was a reclusive painter and his father was on the fast track to becoming a CEO by the age of 45. From his earliest memories, he found himself fascinated by two fundamental philosophical questions: “Who are we?” And “Why are we here?”
