Written by Amanda Maitland, Registered Psychotherapist
Amanda Maitland is a Registered Psychotherapist, dedicated to supporting and educating clients in various areas relating to mental health.

Have you ever felt as though a giant wave of emotion has crashed through you, prompting a reaction that might not objectively seem ‘appropriate’, ‘rational’ or ‘aligned with your intention’? When is the last time someone has said or done something to you, triggering an overwhelming sense of feeling unheard or misunderstood? Or perhaps even deep anger or rage? Anxiety and upset? Sadness and tears? Did it feel as though you had no control of your response in those moments?

What is nervous system regulation?
Our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) controls our body’s involuntary actions (i.e., the things we don’t have to consciously think about doing, such as our heartbeat and blood flow). Divided into two main divisions, the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PSNS) controls the calming responses (i.e., rest and digest), and the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) controls the stress responses (i.e., fight or flight). Regulation is when the nervous system’s responses are well balanced, controlled or maintained so that it operates properly to adjust to stressful situations. Dysregulation is the opposite, when the nervous system’s responses are out of balance, we are more susceptible to intense reactions and typically unable to control emotions and behaviours. When our nervous system is dysregulated, it can lead to a variety of symptoms that range from psychological, physical, cognitive, behavioural and can affect our immune system.
In this article are summarized suggestions on how you can get started in working with your body, to get to a space where you can manage your emotions during moments where you might feel overwhelmed. These practices have been consistently presented in research as effective in learning how to manage your emotions, through regulating your nervous system.
The purpose of healing from dysregulation
To balance our nervous system so that we may regain a sense of control of our bodies
Consider responding versus reacting; responding takes intentional consideration where reacting allows the initial bodily response to steer our behaviours
This consideration can help us to respond in a way that aligns with our intentions, rather than react in a way that our bodies have been primed to, through our past experiences
To strengthen our internal calming system (Parasympathetic Nervous System, ‘PSNS’)
Through practice and learning small habits, we can develop capacity for our calming system to show up for us, in moments when we’re overwhelmed or stressed
To gain the ability to move from our stressed-state to our calm-state
By practicing intentionally activating our stress response (Sympathetic Nervous System, ‘SNS’), and then proceeding to activating our calming response, our body can get used to functioning while stressed on a physiological level
By allowing our body the opportunity to familiarize itself with being physically stressed, while proceeding to calm down right away in a safe space, the stress response can become less debilitating when we do experience it
To be equipped to manage our emotions!
Think of our calming response as a muscle; similar to physical strength training, our muscles can only get strong by working out consistently in some way
Our calming response will get stronger in moments when we need to use it, if we intentionally and consistently strengthen our calming system
This counts even in micro moments throughout our day, it doesn’t need to be a daunting or time consuming task
With a strengthened and balanced nervous system, we can approach external situations in a way that is not overpowered by our triggered emotions and reactive behaviours
What a regulated nervous system can look like
You are more in control of how you manage your emotions
You can feel stronger both mentally and physically
You can feel safe enough to effectively navigate your surroundings
You can tune in to your intuition more clearly and be able to distinguish it from anxiety
You can avoid becoming debilitated by stressors and be able to recover once stressors pass
Your energy is less susceptible to be drained by other people or by your own negative self talk
Your general motivation is less susceptible to be crumpled by fears or doubts that might normally act as barrier
You can resolve the burnout cycle of taking on too much and then having to withdraw when you have no more energy
You can interrupt the constant stream of ruminating thoughts and be able to concentrate on things that bring you joy or peace
You can live your life more intentionally, rather than constantly reacting to triggers from your surroundings or circumstances
Identify your triggers and specific emotions
When we can identify specific triggers that are tied to specific feelings, it can allow for deeper processing on why the strong reactions are happening in the first place. Deep awareness of what might be causing our reactions can lead to future prevention, being able to approach triggering situations in a way that we intend, and being able to communicate with both the emotional and logical parts of the brain (rather than just the emotionally charged part of our brain).
Remember that ‘feelings are clues, they come from somewhere’! We may be quick to judge ourselves or develop a narrative for feelings that surface, however, emotions often simply need to be acknowledged and cared for in order to pass through us. Allow yourself some time and space to reflect on what the stimulus was that influenced a strong reaction, particularly those reactions that feel as though they were out of our control. For instance, What was said? Who said it? What was the tone? What was the event? The circumstances? What past situations may have some similarities to what caused our reaction? What happened back then? What were the specific feelings tied to the reaction? Are there themes or patterns showing up for me in these moments? Are there consistent and recurring emotions that are tied to reactions? See the Feelings Wheel as a helpful tool when identifying specific feelings.
12 habits to consider incorporating into your routine
1. Express yourself
Experiences and emotions can get suppressed and stuck deep within us on a cellular level, if we don’t actively express ourselves in some way
Speak to someone you can trust, whether a good friend or a professional
Activate your creative brain! Expressing through forms of art or writing can help to release what could get pent up as unexpressed energy
Find a way to approach your emotions with curiosity, sometimes what we may consider to be ‘negative emotions’ are simply feelings that need to be acknowledged and cared for
2. Frequent body movement
Exercise, cardio, weight training
Walking, running
Stretching, yoga, massage
Anything to ignite your circulatory system and connection to your body
3. Try intentional breathing
Intentional breaths and practicing various breathing patterns for the purpose of influencing your Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)
Breathing in through the nose is the quickest pathway to bring oxygen to and through the brain, with slow exhales through the mouth
Filling the brain with oxygen helps to slow down our systems and reconnect the parts of the brain that get disconnected when emotionally triggered
For Example, when we get flustered, our logical-brain and emotional-brain can get disconnected. In order to approach a situation in a way we would like to, (i.e., in a way that is aligned with our intentions), we need to ‘re-connect our brain’ to access both our emotion and logic. Breathing is a quick way to flip this switch
4. Feed your gut proper nutrients
Be mindful of what you incorporate in your diet, the nutrients we feed our gut have a direct effect on the brain and its functions
There is a bi-directional influence of the brain and gut, one will affect the other and vice versa
Consider supplement support if you’re not able to get all of your vitamins through food, particularly when experiencing lulls of low energy
5. Don’t underestimate proper sleep
Unlike the rest of our body’s ‘24/7 cleaning system’, our brains only get ‘cleaned’ at about the 4-hour mark into a deep sleep
This is when our brains clear out the neuro-garbage that is lingering or filtered out in our brains after every day of exerting cognitive energy
This means that if we don’t reach at least one deep cycle per night, we will have the pile up of previous days neuro-garbage floating around in our brains
This causes many defects such as brain fog and lowers our capacity to regulate emotions
6. Keep hydrated
We may often hear that our body is made up of up of mostly water, and this stands true for our brain at a whopping 95% water based
Water keeps our brains functioning optimally, even when it comes to quality sleep
Cerebral fluid that surrounds the brain is a major part of our brains cleaning system (mentioned above); when we don’t have enough water flow, are brains can not efficiently cleanse for the following day, leaving us with brain fog
7. Work with your mind
Practice the art of unzooming
An analogy for this concept can be understood by looking at the game of chess; when we are in the game/situation, we are like a piece – only able to see our next move, where we came from and where we could go
However, when we look from the lens of the player of the game rather than a single piece, we can see the whole board and all the other circumstances that may affect that single chess piece
Ask yourself reflective questions
Where is this coming from? Are the roots known or unknown?
Are there feelings that need to be acknowledged and cared for?
Can’t identify? Try scanning your body & environment to recognize your physical safety in the moment, knowing you have the power to use cognitive strategies
Check out various Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) strategies
Repeat a calming mantra
What does your subconscious need to hear, in order to get to a place of peace?
Consider a go-to calming phrase and have it visible to you (i.e., have it visible on post-it notes around your office or pasted on your mirror, set alarms so that it can pop up on your phone, etc.)
8. Use your senses to your advantage
Our olfactory system, (i.e., what serves our sense of smell) is the quickest pathway to the brain, and therefore quickest way to trigger memories
We can utilize this to influence the state of our brain
For Example, the smell of lavender has been shown to help stabilize moods through its calming effect, or smelling something that reminds us of our happy place can trigger similar sensations in the present
9. Inner temperature influence through cold water immersion (CWI)
A quick way to activate your body’s stress response is through a cold plunge, where you can safely return to a warmer temperature after the experience
This can be thought of as a work out for your physiological responses
For Example, simply finish your shower with a quick cold plunge! Even if you start with lukewarm or just chilly water for a few seconds at a time, you can work up to colder water for a longer period of time
10. Holistic considerations to care for your body
For Example, practice meditation or explore moments of grounding
Grounding is when your bare skin touches the earth, its natural electrical energy, in the form of electrons, can flow into you
Benefits of grounding as a habit can include reduction of inflammation, improved sleep, stress reduction, better blood flow, pain relief, immune system support, and normalization of cortisol levels
11. Explore different somatic exercises
Activate your Vagus Nerve, the major nerve that runs through all our vital parts to aid our bodily functions (try 10 minute exercises)
Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMRT), an exercise to intentionally relax our muscles (try a moment of pause)
12. Treat your time and energy as precious life currencies
Isn’t that all we really have to spend in life, anyways?
Try stepping back to take an existential approach to your days
Our environmental & social health can be greatly overlooked, particularly when our autopilot-mode kicks in and we flow through life with what feels familiar
On a cellular level, our body craves a sense of familiarity, even if the familiar is objectively unhealthy
Those who we spend our time with, and that which we give our energy to, can essentially become great contributors to our subconscious mind
Our subconscious mind is made up of layers upon layers of everything we’ve lived through, developing our core belief system
With conscious awareness to who and what might be affecting us in this significant way, we can regain more control of our life and live more intentionally
Getting started: Use a habits stacking approach
When we already have our rituals or do something specific everyday, we can leverage these already built-in habits to help incorporate a new habit. Consider trying the ‘new habit’ directly after an ‘old habit’. For example, (a) if you already brush your teeth every morning, consider doing something directly after this to build an association, (b) before or after a particular meal, consider adding a ritual, (c) try incorporating cold exposure to finish every shower, (etc.). This can help build the desired habit by triggering the brain for consistency in memory, so eventually, it can become second nature to naturally incorporate these chosen healthy habits.
Ideally, building a lifestyle where we incorporate these regulation habits is key for maintaining our healthy and balanced nervous system. Consistency is really about getting back to it, even if you forget or ‘drop off’. We are human, and the purpose is not to be perfect with all of our new-found rituals! Recognizing that we may go through phases is a part of self-compassion, and it is ok to re-integrate habits even if it’s been a while.
Important reminders
Only one of our nervous system responses can be active at a time; on a physiological level, we can only be stressed or only be calm. When we feel stressed and overwhelmed (i.e., our SNS system activated), our human instinct is to ‘fight the stress’ and overwhelm. Remember to pause and activate the calming response (i.e., our PSNS system), as a way to encourage your calming response to show up for you on a body-level.
Practice self-compassion. We react in a way that our body has learned to react, based on past experiences (i.e., what the body knows and understands is based on what was modeled for us while growing up, and experiences that we’ve already been through). ‘Feelings are clues, they come from somewhere’ speaks to (a) the only fact that you’re feeling ___ way, and (b) the story or narrative that our mind tells about these feelings is not a fact, rather, is left for our interpretation. We therefore have the opportunity to stop, unzoom our perspective lens, reflect, and understand ourselves a little more once we separate from our narrative.
Ask yourself reflective questions. Consider a moment where you are feeling emotionally reactive; you’re triggered or communicating in a way that you know your intentional self doesn’t really intend. Approach yourself with curiosity; where is this coming from? Is it about the situation specifically? Is it a build up of related emotions? Is it something deeper that needs healing? Give yourself the opportunity to acknowledge what might be going on within you. How would I hope that my ‘best or most healed self’ would perceive this? Simply asking yourself relevant questions can help trigger the compassionate associations in your brain to help settle and accept that these feelings are coming from somewhere deeper.
Start your own journey
Ready to start your own healing journey? Working with a mental health professional is an opportunity to have your own sacred space to explore your individual needs. Search for a therapist on trusted platforms such as Psychology Today or Affordable Therapy Network, and prepare for your consultations to help with clarity on who might be right for you. To explore the possibility of working together, I am happy to connect for a free consultation!
Read more from Amanda Maitland
Amanda Maitland, Registered Psychotherapist
For Amanda Maitland, life experiences & challenges that have led to a role as a mental health professional have been surmounted through a passion for exploring human resilience, and the art of living in alignment with our authentic selves through healing. With a career trajectory that is aligned with her felt-purpose, Amanda is dedicated to providing sound guidance and support in understanding unique behaviour patterns, process life challenges, gain skills and perspective to help manage and cope with experiences, and create positive, healthy changes, while enabling individual creativity to recognize and nourish the beauty within ourselves.