How To Forgive The Trauma You Can't Forget
- Jul 23, 2021
- 3 min read
Written by: Aden Eyob, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Forgiveness is a challenging journey that can be exasperated when confronting and releasing deep-seated traumas in the path of least resistance. Think back to a painful yet persistent memory, perhaps of abuse, abandonment, or betrayal. Maybe you have attempted to reconcile with the memory through countless hours of mindfulness practices, self-love, or even therapy. Still, the reality is that some trauma memories are etched in your subconscious programming.
Yet, there's still hope in sight, for the emotional attachment to the traumatic incident is reversible by allowing yourself to reflect and process the trauma through the,
Five Stages of Grief
Denial: equivalent to saying 'this can't be happening to me.' It helps you to survive the loss and not get swept up in the meaninglessness and overwhelm.
Anger: In this stage, it looks at the 'why is this happening to me,' who is to blame—the focus shifts from denial to feeling rage. Allow yourself to experience the breadth of your anger, for when you allow it to surface, there is room for growth and healing.
Bargaining: this phase is the 'negotiation stage' in which the pain feels so intense that you are willing to exchange it for another feeling. It can be tempting to bargain your way through the pain, but the healing starts when you allow yourself room to understand the depth of your pain and then let it move in and through you instead of finding a shortcut to joy.
Depression: the focus here shifts from the past to the present moment in which you will experience feelings of emptiness and dense fog. Keep in mind that this form of depression is not linked to mental illness but from experiencing a traumatic loss.
Acceptance: at this point, it's about coming to a place of peace. It's the space of healing, the place where you have come to reconcile the pain and let the memory live without the same voice or discomfort you once experience. It is saying I haven't forgotten, but I have forgiven the pain, person, and event, and now I dwell in acceptance.
Last Light
The question now is what one can do to heal. It boils down to forgiveness. Who or what do you need to release from the bondage of mental captivity. Remember, when you hold onto the trauma memory, you reaffirm the emotional pain and subsequent behavior. The magic comes with gently delving into your thoughts and challenging your belief systems which in turn will shift your emotions and behavior. Of course, this is not a one-pill solution, it takes months or even years to reach a state of true forgivingness, but the benefits are worth it in the long run.
Remember to allow yourself to grieve with grace, for you are not timed on your healing. Cheers to your journey of forgiveness and whole-being!
For more mindset tips, tools and inspiration, check out my book, The Book on Mind Training: The Secret for Positive Living on Amazon.
Aden Eyob, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Aden Eyob is a leader in mindset. She is the clinical neuroscientist and author, The Book on Mind Training: The Secret for Positive Living. She is the founder and CEO of Mind Medication, a fusion of neuroscience-psychology and spirituality-based mindset consulting and speaker service that helps you uncover your why to unlock potential and free limiting beliefs to achieve the impossible. Her clients include CEOs, entrepreneurs, and celebrities—her mission: a world free from limiting beliefs.
