Written by: Yalini Nirmalarajah, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In a world often fixated on romantic relationships and external validation, not fitting the mould may leave you feeling lonely, inadequate, unattractive, or insignificant. After all, how do you know you’re loveable if you perpetually walk the corridors of romance secluded and alone? How do you feel desirable if your body doesn’t conform to societal standards of beauty? Especially in a society that obsesses over big lips, perky breasts, and derrieres that are round and juicy. Feeling like you don’t fit these ideals, it can be easy to wonder, “Who would love me as I am?”
But here’s the thing, your lovability has nothing to do with how you look, how you dress, your relationship status or your intelligence. Love is an inside job, and it all starts with you! It’s about your essence, and being worthy of love, simply for being you.
I know that can be hard to believe, but consider this, as a baby, you came into this world worthy of love. You didn’t have to earn it. Instead, you likely demanded it, crying and screaming until your needs were met. You didn’t question whether you were cute enough to be loved, or if you gave your parents enough smiles or cuddles in exchange for their feeding you or changing your nappy. No, you existed, and for that, you were worth loving, unconditionally. Granted, this doesn’t always mean you were loved the way you desired, but that doesn’t change your lovability which remains inherent to your existence.
But somewhere along the way, the story got blurred. Instead of having inherent worth, love became transactional, conditioned upon external factors like achievements, appearance, and societal approval. Provided you did this or looked like that, then you were lovable; then you were worth a second glance, then you were worthy of being cherished and held and loved. But no matter how much you achieved or how hard you tried to conform, was it ever enough?
It's time to re-write the stories you’ve been told. They don’t serve you. Why? Because they make your worth and your value contingent on something outside of yourself. They require someone else to validate or acknowledge you before you can start to receive the love you’ve always deserved. But here’s what I want you to know, you can start to fall in love with yourself today. You don’t have to seek permission or wait for someone else’s affirmation. It’s yours to claim, right here, right now.
Here's how you start:
Practice self-forgiveness: It's not your fault that you've possibly spent a lifetime trying to fit into a mould imposed by society or family expectations. You were doing your best with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. So let go of the self-judgment and criticisms, forgive yourself for the stories that have held you back and embrace your unique aspects, they’re what make you perfectly you.
Reconnect through journaling: Uncover the reasons why you’re lovable through journaling. Set aside some time each day or week to reflect on your worthiness and write down affirmations and qualities that celebrate your uniqueness and strengths. Confront and challenge any negative beliefs you hold about yourself and replace them with positive affirmations that uplift and empower you. With each entry, you create a new story that shapes your future.
Seek outside perspective: Sometimes a gentle reminder from those who see you through loving eyes is all you need to uplift you and reaffirm your worth. Connect with close friends or loved ones and ask them to share what they admire and appreciate about you. Practice accepting their feedback with gratitude and with time, you might just start to believe them!
Falling in love, especially with yourself, is a journey – one marked by progress, not perfection. Approach each step with patience, kindness, and self-compassion. For additional guidance and support, tune into the latest episode of the Lead From Love Podcast. In this episode, special guest Sammy Kennedy shares her personal experience and insights on navigating the influencer, modelling, and pageantry world and the impact this had on her path to self-love. It serves as a reminder that no matter where you are on your journey, you are never alone – we are all learning each step of the way.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, and visit my website for more info or subscribe to the Lead From Love Podcast!
Yalini Nirmalarajah, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Yalini Nirmalarajah, a global Self-Love and Relationship Coach, empowers women to reclaim the source of their light—their feminine essence and intuition. In societies where women are taught to be more like men, her guidance helps women overcome this false conditioning so they can heal from the trauma it’s created, reconnect with their emotional bodies, and live authentically from their hearts. Inspired by this mission, she launched the Lead From Love Podcast.
Founder of The Yalini Experience, Yalini has qualifications in Psychology, and a Masters Degree in Social and Political Science. She is a certified Master Practitioner in Hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Timeline Therapy. Her expertise extends to post-graduate training in Rebirthing Breathwork, Iridology, Sclerology, Health, and Wellness. Yalini is dedicated to continuous development to provide the highest quality care for all her clients.
