How to Embody Self-Love (For Real)
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 11
- 4 min read
Melanie Bonk, hailed as a “sexpert” and “tantric mystic,” helps individuals and couples unlock deeper intimacy, connection, and pleasure. With over 25 years of lived experience and expertise rooted in Somatic Trauma Therapy, modern neuroscience, and ancient wisdom, she creates transformative spaces for rapid, lasting change.
Self-love. It’s everywhere, right? Social media tells you to “just love yourself,” self-help books wax poetic about it, and every wise-sounding quote seems to start with “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself.” But here’s the thing: No one really tells you how to do it.
As a Somatic Trauma Therapist and certified Love, Sex, & Relationship Coach, I can tell you—self-love isn’t just a cute idea. It’s the foundation. A healthy love for yourself boosts resilience, confidence, and mental well-being and can lead to juicier, more connected relationships (yes, including your sex life).
In fact, research shows that self-esteem, which is deeply fueled by self-love, has a powerful relationship with sexual satisfaction. The more you love yourself, the more pleasure you allow yourself to experience. The more worthy you feel, the more satisfaction you create. It’s a beautiful, ever-expanding loop of love.
But here’s the real magic: self-love is for every body.
We live in a world where trauma, shame, and messages of unworthiness get deeply embedded in our bones. Abuse, neglect, systemic oppression, or even one cruel comment in adolescence can leave an imprint. These experiences plant subconscious lies that say things like:
“Self-love is for other people.”
“You don’t deserve pleasure.”
“You’re too much / not enough / not lovable.”
If this sounds familiar, let me say this to you, clearly, boldly, and with my whole heart:
Loving yourself is your birthright
You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to fix anything first. You are already worthy. Right now. As you are.
In fact, inside you lives an ocean of self-love, waiting to rise and wash over every cell of your being. Let’s tap into it. Let’s embody it.
Mirror practices for embodying self-love
These simple but profound mirror rituals are about building a new muscle, one of radical acceptance and deep devotion to yourself. Go slow. Be gentle. Laugh if it feels weird. Cry if it feels real. Come back to your body, again and again.
Phase 1: Eye gaze with your heart
Look into your own eyes. Just pause there. If that inner critic pipes up (and it might, mine sure does), breathe deeply. Place your hand on your heart and say, “I’m here with you.” That presence is powerful.
Phase 2: Whole body gaze (clothed)
As you're getting ready in the morning, look at your full self in the mirror and say one thing you love about yourself. Start small if you need to: “My pinky toe is actually adorable.” No judgment. It counts.
Phase 3: Naked body love
Now take it a step further. Stand in front of the mirror naked. Let your gaze be soft. Speak love into the parts you’ve been taught to critique. Tell your thighs thank you. Smile at your belly. Let your body feel seen.
Phase 4: Sacred genital gaze (advanced practice)
Okay, deep breath. This is where self-love meets sensuality. Gaze at your genitals in the mirror with curiosity, reverence, and wonder. Let go of shame. Breathe love from your heart into this part of you. Your genitals are sacred. This is the place of life force, pleasure, and power.
Self-love is not a destination. It’s a devotion. A practice. A rebellion. A remembering.
So whether you’re starting with one toe or going full goddess glow, know this: every time you choose love over criticism, softness over shame, and curiosity over judgment, you are changing your inner world. And that, my friend, changes everything.
Now go light a candle, put on your favorite playlist, and let yourself fall in love… with you. You’re worth it. You always were.
Ready to turn up the volume on your self-love?
Want to dive deeper into self-love, no mirror required?
Click here to access a juicy, heart-expanding 20-minute audio meditation designed to help you speak love into every cell of your being. You can do this anytime, anywhere—no yoga pants or crystals required.
This is about reclaiming your superpower of love. Our minds can be our biggest critics, but you can shift that inner dialogue from shame and self-judgment to compassion, joy, and radical celebration.
Ask yourself:
Am I speaking to myself with kindness… or am I unknowingly carrying the patriarchal megaphone of shame?
Am I celebrating my beauty, my boldness, my badassery?
Let go of expectations. Let go of fear. Let go of resistance.
And most of all, have fun with this. There is absolutely no way to do this wrong.
Let’s get bonkilicious, babe.
If you’re ready to love yourself out loud, turn up the volume on your pleasure, and experience intimacy that makes your soul sing, this is your sign. I work with individuals and couples who are done playing small and are ready to live, love, and relate in full technicolor.
1:1 coaching
Couples intimacy sessions
Pleasure-centered healing
Kink-positive, trauma-informed support
Check out melaniebonk.com to say yes.
Want to stay connected and inspired?
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Melanie Bonk, Somatic Sexuality and Relationship Coach
Melanie Bonk, hailed as a “sexpert” and “tantric mystic,” helps individuals and couples unlock deeper intimacy, connection, and pleasure. As a certified Somatic Sexuality & Relationship Coach with over 25 years in a passionate partnership, she combines lived experience with training in Somatic Trauma Therapy and from the VITA™ Institute to create a transformative healing space, blending modern neuroscience with ancient wisdom for rapid, lasting change. Melanie guides couples to elevate communication and passion while empowering individuals to reclaim self-love and embodied pleasure. Ready to awaken your desires? Click here to explore more PLAY, PASSION, and PLEASURE.
