How To Build Confidence Through Authenticity
Cindy Benning is passionate about elevating the quality of leadership in our world. She founded Dragonfly Insights, a company dedicated to empowering leaders through coaching and teaching five BRAVE® virtues designed to propel organizations into excellence.
Imagine a world where you can simply be yourself, authentically you without pretense, without masks, without hiding behind substances. Take a moment to picture it. What does it look like? I’ll tell you what it doesn’t involve: it doesn’t mean saying or doing whatever you please with no regard for the impact on others. And if you’re honest with yourself, you likely don’t want to intentionally hurt anyone anyway.
Now, reflect on it again. For many, being authentically oneself isn’t easy. Over the years, we often shape-shift to fit expectations—whether to appear smarter, more attractive, tougher, or kinder—in hopes of gaining approval. In doing so, we can lose sight of our true selves, burying who we are under layers of conformity, hoping the facade we present is worthy of love and connection.
Here’s a revelation: the real you—the person who has weathered both good and bad times, perhaps even the worst of times—is indeed worthy of love and connection. From the moment we enter this world, we are inherently deserving of love and connection.
You may be hearing these words, but are you truly believing them? Are you questioning what this concept of love and connection really means, or why it’s so crucial to believe in our own worthiness? Extensive research, including the work of Brené Brown, whom I greatly admire, shows that the happiest people are those who truly believe in their own worthiness of love and connection—not just superficially, but deep down.
Through my own research, reading, and soul-searching, I’ve come to a conclusion about worthiness. To believe in your worthiness, you must live by your values every day. Knowing your values, knowing yourself, and aligning your actions with those values—this is what it means to live authentically. When your actions are in harmony with your values, you’ll feel a profound sense of self-worth, and you’ll genuinely believe in your worthiness of love and connection. This is the essence of authenticity: showing up as your real self, without excuses.
After all, you are your values. Only you can define them, and only you can figure out how to live them daily. It sounds simple, but in reality, it’s not. When I asked friends, family, and colleagues to name their values, none could do so. This highlights a fundamental challenge: how can we live our values if we can’t even name them? Defining our values may seem straightforward, yet it can be surprisingly difficult.
I challenge you to take a moment and identify at least two of your values. To assist, here’s a basic definition: personal values are our internal beliefs about what is good, beneficial, important, useful, beautiful, desirable, or constructive. They reflect our needs, desires, and what we care about most in life. Values are powerful forces that shape our identities and guide our decisions, helping us connect with our true selves. Values aren’t tangible—they aren’t things you can touch or see. While money might be important, it isn’t a value; wealth might be considered a value. Examples of values include honesty, compassion, family, fairness, wisdom, humility, and so on.
If you’re unsure where to start, consider searching “how to define personal values” online. Several websites offer tools to help you identify your values based on questions about your past experiences. It’s crucial to be honest, as these values will guide your behavior and decisions throughout life.
Once you’ve done the work—and yes, please do the work—you’ll find it enlightening. With practice, you can learn to live your values daily by constantly assessing whether your actions align with them. Your emotions will serve as indicators, signaling when something is out of alignment and needs adjustment.
When you know you are living by your core values, you’ll also know that you are being truly authentic. And with that authenticity comes unshakeable confidence.
Cindy Benning, Leadership Development Consultant
Cindy Benning has a unique ability to turn chaos into calm. Her extensive career, characterized by continuous education, leadership, and coaching, has equipped her with robust strategies to navigate myriad challenges professionally and personally. Her 2022 publication, "Being BRAVE®, A Journey of Self-Discovery into Leadership," tells the story of how she came to develop insights into managing the stories we tell ourselves to reveal our true selves. Only then can we learn to lead and live with joy and authenticity.
