How to Become a Death Doula
- 2 days ago
- 10 min read
Lauren Seeley is a Death & Grief Doula for humans and pets, an educator, curator, artist, and facilitator for the Silent Book Club of Death NYC chapter as well as Ahhsweetdeath Book Club that hosts monthly author talks.
By now, you’ve probably heard this term many times in the media, from public figures such as Nicole Kidman, Chloé Zhao, and Anderson Cooper to television shows and podcasts, and maybe even in your own daily life. But what is a death doula, and how does one become one?
How could we all benefit from learning how to become death doulas? In this article, I will explain what that process looks like, the pros and cons, and the steps it takes to become a death doula.
What is a death doula?
A death doula is a person who cares for the dying and supports families before and after death. They are usually hired when a person is at the end of life and wants support with planning their last days and aftercare, making sure their affairs are in order, creating legacy work, communicating with family and loved ones about dying, and more. Some death doulas focus more on one type of care or support than others, and some do it all. Death doulas are diverse humans with a large capacity for holding space for grief, difficult situations, and difficult conversations. Death doulas are nonmedical, though they work alongside medical professionals to provide a better end-of-life experience.
What qualifications do you need?
Education and practical experience are very important to becoming a knowledgeable, experienced, and capable death doula. While caregiving can provide experience in supporting people at the end of life, it does not automatically make someone an expert. Requirements can vary by location, so it is important to check applicable state and local rules.
How much do death doulas earn?
The income of a death doula varies by location, case, and whether you work independently or with an organization. Hiring a death doula is generally not covered by medical insurance, so it is often an expense paid out of pocket by the dying person or their family. For example, I live in NYC. I am a death doula, and I work on a sliding scale, with fees depending on the budget of my client. I always explain during our intake appointments that they can pay at one end of the scale, the other, or somewhere in between. If they pay my higher rate, they are making it possible for me to say yes to a client who needs me but maybe can’t afford a death doula. It gives people the opportunity to help others, and that makes them feel good.
How do you become a death doula?
As I’ve stated before, training and certification can be important for becoming a knowledgeable and experienced death doula. You can attend a training program either remotely or in person. These programs typically cover many of the essentials of caring for the dying before, during, and after death. Since there are so many programs these days, it may be hard to decipher the differences between them. There are programs through academic institutions and end-of-life support organizations, as well as courses taught by professionals from different disciplines working in the death space. The important thing to consider, whether you are learning in person or remotely, is where you can gain practical experience. It’s important to put your learning into practice. I recommend working closely with a mentor or hospice organization when you have completed your training.
Is it hard to become a death doula?
Becoming a death doula can be a very rewarding job, but it is not without its challenges. This is not meant to discourage you, but to acknowledge that you will likely be an independent contractor and primarily responsible for finding clients.
Networking is key to your success. Connecting with local hospices, hospitals, death doulas, funeral homes, and other organizations will help you get your name and work out into the world. Being added to listservs and databases for death doulas and end-of-life providers, as well as holding conversations online and in your community to raise awareness and provide education around the importance of end-of-life planning, will also help you connect with potential clients and leads.
What jobs can you do as a death doula?
There really are a lot of different opportunities for death doulas working in end-of-life care. Depending on where you live and what’s available, you can offer your skills either independently or while working with another organization. Death doulas can offer work involving end-of-life planning and paperwork, aftercare, celebrations of life and home funeral support, spiritual support, holistic support, grief support, community healing services, body care and aftercare ritual support, legacy work, errand running, companioning, virtual support, creative grief processing support, and more.
As a death doula, I offer a lot of diverse skills to my clients. I also offer creative grief support through community art workshops, altar work, grief support, Reiki, and funeral personalization. I work in tandem with funeral directors in aftercare. I also offer extensive knowledge of literature and grief resources, personalized care near or far, and more.
What is the downside of being a death doula?
While it’s true that there are many rewarding aspects and benefits of being a death doula, as I mentioned before, it is not without its challenges. Being a freelancer means that you must be very organized, motivated, able to self-regulate, and resourceful. It can be a big change if you’re used to regular employment and move to working only on demand when a new client comes into your life. You may have several clients at a time, and time management can be tricky.
You have to be really careful about setting boundaries, taking on more than you can handle, and taking care of yourself. There will be extremely slow times and extremely busy seasons. You have to be prepared for both, and having emergency savings will help when work is slow.
What are the benefits of being a death doula?
Being a death doula is very sacred work. It's an honor to serve clients and families during such a tender time in their journey: the end of life. It is incredibly rewarding and fulfilling work and can help us come to terms with our own mortality.
As many death doulas work independently, it gives us the advantage of taking on as many clients as we want or as few as we feel comfortable with. This also means that, for the most part, you can set your own schedule, hours, rates, etc. Showing up for the dying is difficult work, but it is worth it if you feel called to it. In turn, having this knowledge can enrich your personal life. You will be able to help the people you love when their time comes as well.
Can anyone become a death doula?
This is a yes and no question without a truly easy answer. Technically, yes, anyone can become a death doula. Should they? It depends. This is why practical experience and volunteer work in end-of-life care are so important. This is the time when people learn if they have what it takes to do this work. Are they patient? Are they compassionate? Do they have a strong stomach for what the body may do at the end of life? These are important things to consider when deciding if this is the career for you.
That being said, I believe that everyone can benefit from having these skills and this knowledge in their own lives. Learning to care for our own at the end of life can be incredibly valuable. Even if it feels like more responsibility than we can handle in our modern, busy lives, it could mean so much to be able to support someone we love in this way when their time comes.
10 tips on how to become a death doula
Assess and expand your skill set (never stop learning)
What skills do you already possess that may make you a stronger death doula? I think that most people already have useful skills that they can bring into their end-of-life tool belt. For example, I have a design degree and use art and creativity as part of my death and grief work. I suggest making a list of the skills you already have and then making a list of skills you’d like to acquire.
We all have unique gifts, and they are all a part of who we are and what we are passionate about. These will help you find the place in this work where you will shine. Read all the books on all the topics that interest you. Attend webinars, panels, workshops, continuing education classes, and listen to podcasts featuring other professionals in the space sharing their expertise.
Secure local or remote work opportunities
Securing local and remote work opportunities can help you be successful as a death doula. You can find many different ways to connect with folks in your community, as I mentioned earlier. You can do this by connecting with end-of-life and death professionals locally. If you are supporting folks remotely, help connect them with local professionals who align with the care and representation they need.
Some of the ways I connect with my community are by hosting events focused on mortality, including a monthly book club about death. Talk about your services on social media when you are ready, of course.
Have emergency savings
Building an emergency fund is essential for handling unforeseen expenses or financial setbacks while working freelance as a death doula. Aim to save enough money to cover several months’ worth of living expenses, including accommodation, transportation, and healthcare. Having savings set aside for emergencies will provide a financial safety net and peace of mind as you navigate the ebbs and flows of death and end-of-life work.
Practice discipline
To be a successful entrepreneur or freelancer in general, you must be motivated. You must have or develop time management skills that help you balance your workflow and life. Productivity is key to success when you work independently. If these are not already strong skills that you possess, perhaps add them to the list of skills you wish to acquire. Personal development books and courses are available to strengthen these abilities and help you learn how to prioritize important and time-sensitive tasks over less important or less urgent ones.
Volunteer with a hospice
Not sure if this is the work for you? Volunteer with a hospice. Finished your online course and now you need practical experience? Volunteer with a hospice. I knew early on that I could handle this kind of work because I was a caregiver for two of my grandmothers as a teen and young adult. Not everyone has had the opportunity to take care of a dying person before, and it’s important to gain some experience before working with your first client.
Start out slow
Get all of your most essential skills and knowledge in your toolkit before you dive in. I’ve had many conversations with newly trained death doulas asking me how to know when they are ready and when it’s time to start working with clients. I tell them that it is different for everyone, but it’s important to ask: while we may now have the knowledge, do we feel experienced and comfortable enough to support the dying? Take your time getting started.
Invest in a death doula kit bag
There are many lists available online, in courses, and in books about what should go in your death doula kit. These are pretty standard, but you can adapt them to the needs of each client. Think not only about essentials for the dying, but also about items for accompanying people and for ourselves. Some appointments will be brief, and some will be very long. We need to be prepared for that.
Learn to expect the unexpected
Speaking of being prepared, learn to expect the unexpected. Sometimes, things don’t go as planned. You may have no clients for a month, or you may have two active deaths at the same time. Mentally preparing for things to go awry or take longer than planned is important in this work. Like birth, death makes its own plans and its own schedule, and it doesn’t always line up with ours.
Network with other death doulas
It really does take a village to support the dying, much as it does when a birth occurs. Have too many requests for death doula work and not enough time? Don’t feel like you vibe with the client you just interviewed? Not a memory care expert? Don’t have pet end-of-life experience? This is where having other death doulas to call on really helps.
Additionally, knowing the death doulas in your area and beyond will not only help support your clients and potential clients; it will also help support you. Many areas have death doula meetups, and if yours doesn’t, start one! There are also virtual meetups if you want to go that route. I have an international Facebook group for death doulas, and it has grown to about 7,500 members since I started it four years ago. This is a great resource for connecting clients with doulas all over the world, as well as sharing information and resources. You don’t have to do this alone, and you’ll be so grateful to have other death doulas you can lean on.
Find balance between work and life
Maintaining a routine as much as possible is so important for death doulas. This is heavy work and can weigh on our souls long after we’ve called it a day. Have your rituals and take them seriously. Exercise, spiritual practices, nourishment, hydration, rest, play, joy, and grief release are all crucial to your wellbeing and mental wellness. Prioritize yourself when you can, and remember that it can look different for every person. Burnout can be a risk in death care, especially when people take on too much too quickly.
Transform your death doula calling into reality
Ready to dive deeper into this liminal, tender space? Book a consultation with me today. I can help direct you to the right program and resources, share my experiences and what has worked and what hasn’t, offer book suggestions and networking expertise, and more.
Let’s explore the skills that you already have and determine what skills you need to get closer to your career path. If you feel called to the end-of-life field, you may already have many of the qualities needed to support clients and families. Let’s find a way you can shine your light and benefit others when serving the dying. The world needs people like you who aren’t afraid to show up for others.
Read more from Lauren Seeley
Lauren Seeley, Grief & Death Doula, Educator, and Artist
Lauren Seeley's lifelong passion is to provide spaces for those who are often overlooked and carrying their grief in silence and solitude. By creating spaces to connect to others in grief, have open and honest conversations about grief, death, mortality, and educational discussions on death literacy, she is lifting the taboo on end of life and how preparing and acknowledging its inevitability can enrich our lives. She works in the space of grief, bereavement, death, death education, creative grief practice, ceremony & ritual around grief and loss, memorial curation, illustration and brand design, and is currently writing and illustrating her first children's book on grief.
