How to Add Value to Yourself and Get What You Want Out of Life!
- Mar 31, 2023
- 5 min read
Written by: David Bingley, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I have had the privilege to coach some amazing people though some traumatic times at work. Through their pain points, building resilience and self-worth, to believe in themselves, ask for what they want, get it and thrive.
When we value ourselves then others will also value us! Why? Because we are embodying a high level of self-worth, self-value, and self-confidence. Whilst this is easier for us to do when times are good, it is much harder in the darker times such as we have been experiencing in recent months.
Underselling Yourself
When I was a young manager, I worked with a colleague who personified being self-assured. The context to the lens that struck me was when his two-year contract was expiring, and he was looking to leave. The leadership team at the company we worked for wanted him to stay and offered him a renewal. He simply laughed and said “no, I want to leave”. They approached him from an angle as if he would fear being out of work and have no money or a receive lesser offers outside. He did not care. He came from an affluent family and had been doing what he wanted to do his entire life in the knowledge he had financial security.
Looking at the leadership running after him offering him more and more was amazing. He eventually said yes.
It struck me as interesting. We were both of a high performance mindset. The difference was that at the core he valued himself more than I did. That made the leadership team value him as well. The key component of his corner, supporting his confidence was… the fact that he did not worry about money. It was not simply the fact that he was affluent, it was because he had a positive mindset and an attitude to thrive. I, on the other hand, had an attitude of lack and approached negotiations from lack. This allowed me to successfully undersell my value and worth.
The Value of Believing in Yourself
A few years later, I was in a better mindset even though I had recently been laid off. I had my severance package and was tracking a job with a lot more responsibility and income. I jumped on a job opportunity from a former colleague. The company came at me with a lowball offer and I rejected them. The HR Manager was persistent with the low offer, and I not only rejected it, but I also said I would like to be taken off their candidate list. Very quickly I received a call from the VP of HR and he literally came at me with an open checkbook. 'What title would you like, what is your expected salary, and what is the total package you want?' he asked. I told him without care and got an immediate confirmation. This was fortunate as the job I really wanted, fell through.
The next time it has happened to me, I was sitting in the job interview, and I kept silent as I was told about the role, the expectations, and the remuneration. I listened to the interviewer talk with a neutral and passive face and energy. The gentleman liked to talk and as he talked, he kept raising the figure as I had shown no reaction. Eventually, he hit a figure which I thought was commensurate to my value and we shook hands.
A Thriving mindset
We need to have a positive and thriving mindset. We must honor the value that we bring. Be comfortable sitting with your various learnings and wealth of knowledge. It supports our value. The other key is to let go of any attachment to the outcome. Safe in the knowledge that we will be alright, and things will work out.
Coming into the negotiations from this mindset we have already achieved a level of equality and balance. We have aligned with our purpose and direction. The purpose is to honor and value who we are, what we want, and where we are going. The direction is the new role. With this as a foundation, we are going into a discussion as a winner. We know what we are saying, yes too and clear about what is our no.
Asking for what we want, title, remuneration, etc… becomes a value proposition. We are justified in our confidence and on the front foot. Meaning we believe it to be true and are grounded with it. Letting go of the outcome adds more value to our negotiation. Meaning if we don’t get the role, it is for the best and something better is coming.
This is easy to say and hard to do as we have mortgages, children, bills to pay, etc. These responsibilities can spark fear within us, which will allow us to devalue ourselves. In the process engage an emotional attachment to the outcome and embody desperation and bluster that we confuse to be confidence.
Finding your self-worth mindset
In recent months, I have helped many individuals, as a salary negotiation coach, mainly in the IT sector, who have been made redundant, seen the writing on the wall, had their company acquired, etc. With all of them, we focused on the controllable. The reframing of the mindset, situation, and opportunities presented. Allowing them to detach from the pain, shame, ignominy, grief trouble, and worries and refocus on their strengths, value, and skill sets.
Each one of them is fully empowered and open to a nebulas flow; fully focused and prepared. With a strategy, framework, and structure to support themselves, and aligned with their intentions and actions, they asked for and got what they wanted!
How to add value to yourself!
Reframe your situation to a positive strength Such as “Failure is an opportunity to learn”
Detach from the outcome Accept. Let go of your fears. Be in the now
Embody your value You have spent years learning your craft and you are a high-performing individual who validates themselves
David Bingley, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
David Bingley is an expert in Leadership and Empowerment Coaching, working on mental/emotional fitness and self-awareness. By exploring perspectives to define purpose and direction (our vision, mission and ambition for ourself and the world) to how we frame ourself and embrace our values so our intentions and actions are aligned. David founded In-Vision Coaching as a platform to assist people to empower themselves, take control of their life using the strategies, frameworks and structures he developed to fine tune for peak performance. You may work with David in 1:1 coaching, team coaching or specialist workshops, taking small steps to… LIVE LARGE!
