How Being a Teenage Mom Has Created Normalized Shame
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 23
- 9 min read
Written by Remington Steele, Intuitive Breath Practitioner, Emotional Wellness Coach & Philanthropist
Remington Steele is an Intuitive Breath Practitioner, Emotional Wellness Coach, and the visionary founder of Breathe With Rem and We Are The Village – Teen Moms. A philanthropist and author of Breathe With Me, Remington’s work is rooted in healing, empowerment, and generational transformation.
I remember the weight of judgment pressing down on me long before I even held my newborn, whispers behind my back, the pit of guilt in my stomach, and the constant fear that I was defined solely by my age and my circumstances. In countless communities, teenage motherhood has become a mark of failure rather than a testament to resilience, and that stigma seeps into every corner of a young mother’s life, from healthcare appointments to school hallways to social media feeds. Shame becomes the unspoken curriculum, teaching us to hide our stories, our struggles, and even our triumphs. But beneath that shame lies a powerful truth, teenage moms are survivors, advocates, and builders of strong futures for their children. It’s time to uncover how our society’s normalized shame perpetuates harm, and how we can reclaim our voices, our dignity, and our worth.
What is normalized shame?
Normalized shame occurs when societal judgments and stigmas become so pervasive that individuals begin to internalize them as an unquestioned truth about their identity. Instead of seeing shame as an external reaction, it becomes an internalized lens through which one views every action and decision.
In the context of teenage parenting, this means young mothers grow up learning that their worth is tied to their age and parental status, hearing messages that they’re irresponsible, unworthy, or failures. Over time, that shame isn’t just something they experience. It becomes the default story they tell themselves, shaping their self-esteem, choices, and how they engage with healthcare, education, and community resources.
Same story, different teen
At just 15, I faced a wave of judgment that sought to define me by my circumstances rather than my potential. When I announced my pregnancy, I was stripped of my place on the cheerleading squad and shunned by those I once trusted. My best friend’s mother forbade our friendship, branding me a “bad influence.” Yet I refused to let that narrative become my truth. I graduated from high school early, went on to earn four degrees, built successful businesses that allowed me to retire at 40, and established both a nonprofit and a for-profit venture. My journey proves that teenage motherhood is not a life sentence but the starting point of resilience, ambition, and triumph.
Jamie Lynn Spears’s story echoes this all-too-familiar stigma on a global scale. When she announced her pregnancy at 16, the world turned on her. She walked away from her hit show, endured accusations of “ruining” her young audience, and was publicly cast as irresponsible and unworthy. Yet, like so many teenage mothers, she persevered. She completed her education, raised her daughter, and rebuilt her career on her own terms. Spears’s experience shows how quickly society can normalize shame, and how courageous it is for any young mother to claim her story and redefine her worth (ew.com).
What does shame do to a family?
Shame seeps into a family like an invisible poison, corroding trust and silencing hearts. It turns dinner tables into minefields, where a single question about how school is going can trigger tears or stone-faced avoidance. Children learn to hide their mistakes, siblings learn to distance themselves, and parents, afraid of judgment, become hypercritical or dismissive, all in a desperate bid to protect the family’s reputation. Conversations shrink, laughter fades, and love feels conditional on perfection. Over time, this culture of secrecy teaches each member to internalize failure, leading to isolation, anxiety, and fractured bonds that can echo for generations, unless someone dares to speak courageously and offer compassion in its place.
How did we get here?
Generations of cultural messages and systemic forces have conspired to normalize shame around family “mistakes” long before we were born. Colonial and Puritan moralism framed any deviation from strict social codes, such as premarital sex, public grief, or mental distress, as moral failings to be hidden.
In Black communities, the legacy of slavery and segregation forced families into survival modes where any sign of weakness or dissent risked violent repercussions, embedding a code of silence around pain. The rise of mass media and social institutions in the 20th century then broadcast narrow ideals of “perfect” families, two-parent households, unblemished reputations, and stoic resilience, while dismissing or punishing those who didn’t fit the mold.
Layer on enduring stigmas around teen pregnancy, mental health, and economic hardship, and you have a culture that teaches us to bury our vulnerabilities rather than heal them, passing shame from parent to child as though it were an heirloom.
How generational patterns of teenage pregnancy hold shame
When a family has faced teenage pregnancy across generations, shame often becomes woven into its very fabric, transforming what could be compassion into blame. A mother who was once a teen mom herself may lash out at her daughter, not out of cruelty but out of her own unhealed pain and fear of societal judgment, projecting her regrets and self-recrimination onto the next generation. This cycle teaches young mothers that their worth is tied to their ability to “do better” rather than to their inherent value, and it silences conversations that could offer empathy or practical support. Every harsh word or disappointed glance reinforces the message that teenage motherhood is a failure rather than an opportunity for growth, ensuring that shame, not insight, is the legacy passed down.
8 ways to prevent the unconscious shame we impose on teen parents
An undercurrent of shame often flows unseen in our judgments, policies, and everyday conversations about teenage parents, yet it doesn’t have to be this way. By becoming intentional in how we speak, act, and design supports, we can replace stigma with empathy and opportunity. Below are eight practical ways to prevent unconsciously imposing shame on teen parents and instead build environments where they feel valued, capable, and supported.
1. Say congratulations
First off, they rarely get to hear that. The simplest way to dismantle shame is to replace judgment with genuine celebration. When a young person shares news of a pregnancy or parenting milestone, respond first with “Congratulations,” not “Are you sure?” or “How will you manage?” Acknowledging their achievement honors the courage it takes to become a parent and sets a tone of support. That small moment of positive recognition can shift their entire experience from stigma to empowerment.
2. Encourage them
Offer words of belief and support that reinforce their potential, such as “I believe in you” or “You’re capable of handling this.” Encouragement helps teen parents see beyond immediate challenges and reminds them they have the strength, skills, and community to succeed. By focusing on their growth and resilience, rather than their age or mistakes, you empower them to keep moving forward with confidence.
3. Remember, they are children learning to raise their child
Teen parents are still growing themselves, navigating adolescence while assuming adult responsibilities. Keeping this perspective reminds us to offer patience, guidance, and age-appropriate resources instead of expecting them to know it all. When we treat them as learners with the capacity to develop skills, we create a nurturing environment that fosters confidence and competence rather than perpetuating shame.
4. Listen
Truly hearing a teen parent’s experience without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice shows deep respect and validates their feelings. By asking open-ended questions such as “How are you feeling about this?” or “What support would help most right now?” you invite them to share their perspectives and needs. Active listening builds trust, reveals unseen challenges, and helps you tailor support in ways that truly resonate. This simple act of presence can dismantle isolation and foster a sense of belonging.
5. Respect their boundaries
Let her lead in parenting her child, and you focus on raising her. Avoid unsolicited critiques or “helpful” corrections, as doing so only undermines her confidence and creates friction. Trust her to make decisions for her family, and offer help only when she asks. This respectful distance empowers her autonomy and demonstrates genuine support.
6. Share information
Think of sharing advice with a teen parent the same way you would guide your daughter before her wedding day, offering insights out of love, not obligation. Present options clearly, such as “Here are a few resources on newborn feeding and local support groups that you might find helpful,” and let her decide which ones fit her family’s needs. This compassionate, nondirective approach honors her autonomy and mirrors the respect you’d show in guiding any young person through a major life transition.
7. Give them a break
Just as every parent needs a moment to recharge, teen parents deserve respite without guilt. Offer to watch her baby for an hour so she can rest, run errands, or simply breathe, no judgment attached. Framing this as a normal part of parenting reinforces that self-care isn’t selfish but essential. By giving her permission to pause, you honor her well-being and model healthy balance for her entire family.
8. Mind your words
The language you use can either uplift or undermine a young parent’s confidence, so choose your words and tone carefully. Avoid microaggressions like “You’re too young for this” or “I couldn’t imagine doing that,” which, even if unintended, reinforce stigma and self-doubt. Instead, use neutral, supportive phrases such as “How can I best support you?” or “You’re doing great” that validate her experience. Remember, every comment leaves an imprint. Speaking with respect and empathy helps dismantle shame rather than perpetuate it.
Teens go through postpartum, too
Becoming a mother at any age triggers the seismic shifts of postpartum, hormonal swings, emotional vulnerability, and physical recovery, but these experiences are too often dismissed when the parent is a teen. Young mothers face the same “baby blues” or postpartum depression risks as older parents, yet they’re less likely to have access to screening, support groups, or even basic rest. Without acknowledging their need for postpartum care, from mental health check-ins to lactation support and pelvic healing, they’re left to navigate isolation, anxiety, and exhaustion alone. Recognizing that teen parents deserve comprehensive postpartum resources is essential to breaking cycles of shame, promoting healthy bonding, and ensuring that both mother and baby thrive.
What WATVTM is doing to normalize change
At We Are The Village Teen Moms (WATVTM), we believe visibility is the first step toward transformation. That’s why each year we convene our signature Teen Mom Discussion Panel, an open forum where teen parents, allies, and community leaders come together to share lived experiences, address systemic barriers, and co-create solutions. Past panels have featured teen moms who’ve navigated foster care, school reentry, and housing insecurity alongside service providers from Parkland Health, Dallas ISD, and community nonprofits.
One woman who attended shared that she was not a teen mom. In fact, she had done everything “right” by society’s standards, waiting until her thirties to have her son, building a career, and taking pride in the stability she had created. Yet when her teenage son became a father, she found herself swallowed by the same cloud of shame that so many teen mothers carry. For six long months, she hid the news from her family, delaying the joy of becoming a grandmother because of the fear of what others might think. She admitted that her son didn’t have to wear the announcement on his body like the mother did, but she still bore the weight of judgment in silence. Her perspective was a powerful reminder that shame doesn’t only cling to young mothers. It seeps into the hearts of parents, grandparents, and entire families, even when they’ve never lived the reality of teen pregnancy themselves.
In that room, her story joined the voices of many, past teen moms, expecting teen parents, past teen dads, community leaders, grandparents, best friends of teen parents, products of teen parents, and siblings of teen parents. We stood together in a circle of raw honesty, peeling back layers of pain that had been carried for years, sometimes decades. Tears flowed freely as celebrations erupted in the same breath, moments of healing happening in real time. For some, it was the first time they had ever spoken their truth. For others, it was the first time they felt it was safe to release it. And in that sacred space, the shame that had once kept us silent began to loosen its grip, replaced by the power of shared stories and the unshakable reminder that we were never alone.
As a reminder, we’ve launched our “I Am a Teen Mom,” “I Support Teen Moms,” and “Product of a Teen Mom” tees, free with a $25 donation, to help replace shame with pride. Grab your shirt here! Through thought-provoking articles like my piece on emancipation rights, we’re spreading awareness and fueling policy change so that every mother, regardless of age, can thrive without judgment. Together, we’re shifting the narrative from shame to strength.
Removing the shame
Now is the moment to transform compassion into impact. Stand with teen parents by speaking up and taking action. Share your support by wearing or gifting an “I Support Teen Moms” shirt, using EndTeenMomShame to amplify their stories on social media, and inviting young parents into your communities as speakers, mentors, or leaders. Volunteer with WATVTM, donate to fund workshops and scholarships, or host a local panel to spark honest conversations. Lastly, reach out to policymakers and demand equitable access to education, healthcare, and housing for teen parents. Together, our collective voices and deeds will dismantle stigma and build a future where every young mother and father is met with empathy, resources, and pride instead of shame.
Read more from Remington Steele
Remington Steele, Intuitive Breath Practitioner, Emotional Wellness Coach & Philanthropist
Remington Steele is an Intuitive Breath Practitioner, Emotional Wellness Coach, and the visionary founder of Breathe With Rem and We Are The Village – Teen Moms. A philanthropist and author of Breathe With Me, Remington’s work is rooted in healing, empowerment, and generational transformation. As a former teen mother herself, she has turned her personal journey into a mission to guide others through intentional breathing, holistic wellness, and community-centered care.
