Holiday Breakups & Healing Paths – When Hypnotherapy Meets Family Law
- Brainz Magazine
- 8 hours ago
- 5 min read
Written by Carla Marcos López, Clinical Hypnotherapist
Carla Marcos is a Clinical Hypnotherapist who practises Solution Focused Hypnotherapy. Carla helps her clients use their mind to their advantage so that they can find their unique balance, and bring more of what they want into their lives. Alongside her passion for hypnotherapy, Carla is also a lawyer and a qualified nurse.
The holidays often bring a welcome break from routine. But for many couples, this time together highlights just how far apart they've drifted. When daily life is busy, it's easy to live like passing ships in the night. During the holidays, however, shared time can bring long-ignored differences into sharp focus. That's why breakups tend to spike right after the summer.
As a clinical hypnotherapist with a background in law and healthcare, I recently spoke to a family lawyer friend about how we each support people navigating breakups. From that conversation came this article, where I explore how my approach differs from that of a lawyer, how Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy (SFH) supports those going through separation, and how we can help those in emotionally abusive relationships without retraumatising them or jumping to conclusions.
From directive advice to empowered choices
As a former lawyer, I had to radically shift my mindset when I became a therapist. Legal work is inherently directive: you advise, document, and protect. Much of it involves ‘covering your back,’ which, while necessary, can feel demotivating for the client. Friends and family often mirror this approach, giving well-meaning but overly directive advice like, "You should leave that relationship" or "You deserve better."
But as a therapist, my approach is completely different. It’s non-directive. It honours that the client is the expert in their own life. My job is to help them access their own clarity and make the choices that best serve them, based on their real circumstances.
That doesn’t mean the legal approach isn’t important; on the contrary, it plays a vital role in protecting clients’ rights and providing a clear structure. But for lasting change, especially in complex emotional situations, both therapeutic and legal perspectives can work hand in hand.
For example, someone in a controlling relationship may not be ready to leave. They may have no financial independence, limited qualifications, dependants, or a fractured support network. My role is to help them identify what is possible, step by step. Perhaps reconnecting with an old friend. Perhaps applying for a job. These are the foundations of independence. And only the client can decide what feels safe and right in the moment.
What makes SFH different
Solution-focused hypnotherapy stands apart from other therapeutic approaches because we don’t need to dig into the past to create change. Instead, we work with the present moment and where the client wants to get to.
This is especially powerful for people who are private or overwhelmed. We avoid "voyeuristic" techniques that retraumatise or increase anxiety. Instead, we help the brain access solutions in a relaxed state, often more quickly and gently than expected.
We might glance at the past to understand how certain patterns began, but we don’t stay there. What we think is the problem is often just a coping strategy. And dwelling on it can reinforce it. Instead, we focus on what the client wants to achieve and build a calm, confident mindset to help them get there.
Helping clients through separation
Separation is stressful. Anxiety and depression are common. That’s where hypnotherapy becomes a powerful ally. My top tip? Keep calm and carry on. It’s not about pretending everything is okay; it’s about building the mental clarity to respond, rather than react. When your mind is calm and clear, you make better decisions. That’s what I help clients do: create enough emotional regulation and intellectual control to assess their situation and move forward.
Complementing legal support with hypnotherapy
While the legal process often requires clarity, strategy, and precision, it can also be emotionally overwhelming for clients. This is where hypnotherapy complements family law work beautifully. The directive approach of a lawyer helps a client protect their rights and navigate legal complexities, while my non-directive, solution-focused approach helps the same client regulate their emotions, manage stress, and think more clearly.
By addressing the emotional and psychological toll of separation through hypnotherapy, clients are often better equipped to make rational, empowered decisions within their legal case. Rather than acting out of fear, anger, or confusion, they begin to respond from a place of calm and confidence, which ultimately benefits both their healing and the legal outcomes they pursue.
When the relationship is abusive
Family lawyers sometimes ask me how to approach clients who say their partner is abusive. It’s complex. Labels like "narcissist," "co-dependent," or "high-conflict" get thrown around, but real life isn’t black and white. Sometimes, the person claiming abuse is the abuser. Other times, the real victim doesn’t even know they’re being abused because they’ve been manipulated into believing they’re the problem.
As therapists or lawyers, we only know what our clients choose to share with us, plus whatever can be supported by evidence. We are not judges. I don’t diagnose or prescribe. My role is to help people feel better, regain clarity, and reconnect with their internal resources.
That said, certain patterns tend to emerge. Many clients who have been conditioned by emotional abuse remain stuck in survival mode. Their nervous system has been hijacked.
Some family lawyers find it frustrating when a client struggles to break contact with an abusive partner, even after receiving clear advice to do so. But there are reasons for this. For their own peace of mind, I reassure them that it’s not uncommon for someone to unknowingly sabotage their own progress (whether in the legal or therapeutic process), especially when deep-seated patterns are at play.
The good news is, we can absolutely work on that and help our clients let go of the old, programmed responses that quietly undermine their progress.
This is where hypnotherapy can make a real difference. We work to calm the limbic system and restore a felt sense of safety. Once that safety returns, clients begin to think more clearly, make decisions in their own best interest, and take meaningful steps toward rebuilding their lives.
When children are involved
A common worry for survivors of emotional abuse is how the ex-partner treats the children. In our sessions, we often focus on what is within their control, showing up as the best, calmest, most consistent parent they can be.
Children learn by example. They see how each parent behaves. And while it can be incredibly painful to watch children return home upset, confused, or neglected after a visit with the abusive parent, reacting emotionally only fuels the abuser’s influence. The goal is to create a safe, stable environment that children can rely on. One day, they often see the truth for themselves.
In conclusion
As therapists and lawyers, we may have different methods, but our goal is the same: to support our clients through difficult transitions. Whether that means healing from a toxic relationship, managing anxiety, or simply finding a way forward, hypnotherapy offers an empowering path. Not through advice, but through calm. Not by diagnosing, but by guiding. And as always, only when the client is ready.
If you'd like to explore how I can support your clients or your own well-being, you're welcome to reach out. I'm here to help.
Read more from Carla Marcos López
Carla Marcos López, Clinical Hypnotherapist
Carla is also a lawyer and a qualified nurse. Being a qualified nurse, her delivery as a hypnotherapist combines her knowledge of how the mind works, together with a caring and holistic approach that takes into account the interconnection of body and mind. This, taken together with her lawyer’s solution-focused approach, drives Carla’s enthusiasm to work with her clients and help them achieve their goals in the shortest possible time.
