From Pain To Peace – Finding Strength In Loss
- Oct 24, 2024
- 4 min read
Tiesha Taylor, LICSW is well known when it comes to educating and advocating for mental health care. Sheis the host of the Faces of Black Mental Health Podcast, owner of Faces Therapeutic and Wellness, and a passionate advocate for mental health, mental wellness and mental stability.
April 10, 2023, is a day that will be forever ingrained in my memory bank. It was the day that we found my father deceased inside his apartment. There were so many feelings and a mix of emotions that came along with this loss. But the most prevalent one was guilt. My dad called me one Thursday morning with his normal greeting, “Hey shunga! Are you working?” and I replied with my normal reply, “Yes, sir.” We chatted briefly, and then I rushed him off the phone, intending to call him back. I was so busy and caught up with working and trying to manage 2 jobs and a military career that remembering to call him back kept slipping my mind. He called back later that day, and again, I was too busy. I woke up the next morning thinking I needed to call him back, and then I forgot. The day after, I passed by his apartment complex twice, saying to myself that I needed to call Daddy back, and then got sidetracked. I never got the opportunity to call him back because I received the devastating news that following Monday morning.
My journey with grief has taken me from a place of pain to peace. Don’t get me wrong, the peace I feel throughout the day is not always constant. I literally can be going about my day, and then bam! Grief. I can be in the middle of a laugh and bloop! Grief. My brother can say one of my dad’s famous slogans, and my first reaction will be laughter, followed by an overwhelming sense of sadness. However, with each passing day, peace becomes a little bit easier to find. What I have come to know is that grief is not linear. There have been highs and lows. There have been feelings of regret and wishing that I could have one more day with my dad, one more phone call, or one last opportunity to learn more about him and his childhood. We often hear about the stages of grief being anger, depression, bargaining, denial, and acceptance. Of course, these are not in any particular order, and it’s common to move throughout the stages, oftentimes revisiting a stage that you thought was mastered. For me, acceptance has been the hardest. The thing is, I know that my dad is gone. I know that he is never coming back. I know that his memory is with me, but I am still in disbelief that this is my reality. However, even in times of disbelief, peace remains.
Here is what I have learned that has helped me to find a place of peace while living with grief:
It is normal to grieve. It is okay to grieve. We should grieve. Grieving is not a sign of weakness but a product of strength.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no timeline attached to one’s grief.
Grief does not only show up by way of sadness. One can experience anger, anxiety, pain throughout their bodies, guilt, and fatigue.
Normalize your grieving process and offer yourself grace. There might be times when you are unable to do activities that you once were able to do before the loss of your loved one. Recognize that and be okay with it.
Feel your feelings. That’s what they are there for. Allow yourself to sit with your thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself to cry or scream. Just remember that you cannot stay in that place.
Find meaning and purpose in your grief. Sometimes, grief will provide the urge that is needed to live a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Grief and happiness can coexist. They can live in the same space and occur at the same time. Remember, two things can be true at the same time.
Learn how to cope with your grief by finding and implementing activities that bring you joy for this season of your life.
Find your tribe, cultivate it, and hold on to relationships and those individuals who are always there, showing up for you day after day.
Make a memory box. Journal your good memories surrounding your loved one and your relationship, and begin the process of letting go of the fear that you will forget about that person.
Let’s make no mistake about it. The road to grieving is hard. However, navigating to a place of peace from pain is possible.
Tiesha L. Taylor-Baldwin, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Tiesha Taylor is a leader in providing mental health care treatment in her community. After returning from Afghanistan, she faced mental health challenges and struggled to verbalize her feelings. Dedicated to addressing these issues, Tiesha has since focused her education and skills on educating her community about mental health, working to erase the stigma attached to mental health and therapy, and creating a safe space for those seeking help. She is the host of the Faces of Black Mental Health Podcast and founder of Faces Therapeutic and Wellness, LLC. Her mission is to erase the stigma attached to mental health and normalize therapy so that everyone can experience mental wellness and stability.
