From Hustling to Holding – Rewiring Your Identity to Receive More Love, Money, and Pleasure
- Brainz Magazine
- 11 hours ago
- 9 min read
Kyra is a psychology expert and transformational mentor with a master’s degree in psychology, specializing in deep healing, mindset mastery, and personal growth. As the founder of Healed Baddies, she helps ambitious women heal from the past, overcome mental barriers, and create a fulfilling, peaceful life through bold, no-BS transformation.
Let me spill the brutal truth about you that no one dares to say: You’re an ambitious entrepreneur, a visionary who tries to do everything “right.” You’re not too entitled to hustle (even until burnout), but your results aren’t landing in the way they “should.”
Why?
Because you’re not really bad at sales or love (yes, I mean it), you’re just addicted to earning it.
Let me explain deeper.
You say you’re ready to receive: money, sex, fame, pleasure.
But every cell in your body is still coded for performance, for acting good enough, professional enough, valuable enough.
Most of the time, you put all the smart, jargon-filled words into a sentence and then call it marketing. When really, you’re not selling your raw story, but rather the polished, AI version. (Don’t get me wrong, we love AI, but not if you’re turning into a bot too.)
In love, you want to be held, adored, chosen, but you’re terrified of what will rise when you stop gripping. When you lose control of how your person sees you or what they could see if you truly surrendered to who you are being.
So instead of deepening a connection, you perform intimacy. Only have sex when your belly looks flat. Only open up when you feel like you’re capable of doing some damage control right after.
You want to be paid more (as you should), but you still price from the part of you that thinks it has to convince someone to value you. The minute your sales drop, so do your prices, your energy, and your confidence. (Like your audience couldn’t see all that.)
You still calculate your hours, not your skill. You still obsess over how affordable it is for that random person in your DMs claiming you’re overcharging after you’ve reduced your prices by half already, instead of charging for the value you provide.
Let’s call it what it is:
Your deepest fear isn’t failure
Because if we’re being brutally honest here, you and I, you already are failing. Ouch, I know.
What you’re really scared of is getting everything you wanted and still not feeling safe. Not feeling worthy. Like you don’t deserve it.
Because I imagine things being easy. Like you didn’t sacrifice or die for what you want. Sounds dreamy at first, right?
But to your system it feels like a threat. A hidden danger. Something too good to be true. So where is the disaster hiding?
Well in you.
The truth is: It was never about the results. It was always about your (current) identity.
The one who hopes success will fix everything, love will silence the self-doubt, and money will validate your ideas.
But it’s also the identity that freaks the fuck out when it gets it all because it doesn’t feel safe being in the receiver role (yet).
Sex: You’re not really turned on because you’re still performing
You’re in bed, but you’re not in your body. You’re in the performance. Narrating. Monitoring. Watching yourself be watched.
You’re checking for danger:
“Is he really into me?”
“What if he’s judging my body right now?” “Am I enough for him?”
“What if I make a weird sound or random gesture?”
You’re reading micro-expressions and giving them meaning (negative ones, of course). You’re scanning for signs of rejection, boredom, disinterest anything that could prove your body, your need, or your pleasure is too much and not enough at the same time.
Ironically, that’s why most people end up choosing partners (for life or for bed) that are wrong for them the ones who confirm their fears and insecurities.
Because remember: You don’t attract what you are. You attract what your identity qualifies you for.
You say you want to be ravished. But the truth is, you can’t receive healthy love.
The second someone tries to give without taking, you tighten. You shift. You question. You avoid. You disappear.
They might touch your skin, but they still can’t reach you.
Because you’ve built your entire sense of safety on staying in control of how you’re perceived. In control of what and how much you’re feeling.
You don’t actually trust being wanted for who you are without having to curate it. You trust being chosen for how well you perform intimacy.
So you only initiate when you’ve done the full-care shower, right? Only open when you’ve prepared the narrative. Only surrender when you’re sure you can recover (quickly).
Because letting someone in, fully, unfiltered, unrehearsed? That would mean being seen in the moments you can’t control.
And that’s not just about trust. That’s about power. The power to let go. The power to just be.
The power to release. The power to be desired just because.
But because that still feels nerve-wracking and uncertain, you stay in dynamics where you're either the giver, the healer, the savior. Never the one who’s simply wanted. Raw. Messy.
Unedited. Deserving without explanation.
And until that shifts, sex will always feel like a scene you’re directing, not an experience you’re having. A transaction, not a transmission. A role, not a home. (Sounds familiar? I bet you feel the same in your business but we’ll cover that in just a second.)
Even when your relationship looks like a connection, your body knows the difference. And that’s why relationships can look good on paper but feel unfulfilled as fuck (until we changed that)
Business: You’re selling from a wound, not desire
You say you want ease, but you still don’t know how to receive without guilt. (Because who are you to receive so much while the rest of your family suffers, right?)
So you build more. Prove more. Show more.
You overcompensate in your launch, in your pitch, in your client calls.
You overgive in the name of “service” and “helping,” but really, you just want people to stay. To see your worth, your skill, your genius, and decide it’s finally enough.
Because a small, scared part of you still whispers: “If I don’t give more, they’ll leave. Criticize. Attack.”
You don’t believe you are the product. You don’t believe it’s safe to be the main character. You don’t think you are the best investment. So you still think you need to build it. Do it. Create it. Prove it. (And yes, we love structure and systems in our business, but the kind of results you crave? Success and fulfillment? Strategy can’t give you that. Believe me, I tried hard.)
You keep calling in buyers who need convincing.
You keep attracting people who reflect your subconscious fear of being “too expensive,” “too much,” “too big.” And even once they’re in, you feel like you have to babysit them, take them by the hand and do the thing for them (not with them).
Because deep down, you don’t trust that your presence is enough. Your frequency. Your embodiment of what you stand for.
Ironically, no matter how hard you try to prove yourself, your product, or your service, you never get the praise you deserve. In fact, the more you do for them, the more they end up resenting you.
And as long as that’s true? Your income will cap at the level your nervous system can tolerate being seen. Not what you’re capable of receiving, but what you believe is enough for “someone like you”.
And that identity? Still chasing approval after stating facts. Still feeling shameful for wanting more. Still feeling guilty for outgrowing people you love. Still doubting after acting like the most confident person in the room. Even while wearing Chanel.
Self-worth: You’ve spiritualized your performance wound
You’ve made growth your personality. You’ve made healing your currency. You’ve made your own evolution a product you’re still trying to perfect.
You say you’ve done the inner work. You say you understand life (and entrepreneurship) is a journey, but you’re still trying to arrive. Still trying to “make it,” not seeing that you’ve made it this far.
Now let’s go to the next level, not because we desperately need to, but because we choose to.
Because we want to.
I see it way too often: The second your shadows are exposed, your ego justifies your lack of results, strengthens your self-sabotaging patterns, and finds comfort in staying the same. But for as long as you spiritually bypass the blind spots lying beneath your “problems,” you’ll never overcome them.
And yes, your struggles are real (and I take them seriously), but they’re not permanent (unless you attach your identity to them).
Let’s drop the external work for just a split second and land in the inner world.
Let’s normalize implementing a strategy by aligning our identity with our desired outcome first.
Because right now? If your worth isn’t embodied, it’s externally verified. And that addiction is sophisticated.
It knows how to rationalize itself. It dresses up like ambition. It posts like empowerment. It preaches embodiment while running from your own truth. It presents itself as “having enough,” but is really just the fear of not deserving more. It makes you (and others) believe you’re further ahead than you are because the online version looks so curated, but the reality feels messy as fuck.
This is your blind spot.
You’ve traded hustle culture for high-vibe hustle. You’ve swapped corporate pressure for quantum pressure. You’ve gone from a 9-5 to a 24/7, from a toxic relationship to an unfulfilling one.
But your nervous system hasn’t changed, so your outcome can’t really change either. So you provoke old cycles. You keep manifesting a lack of results in a prettier container.
It’s still working for a gold star from a system that never really fed you. And until that dies, you’ll keep building a life that reflects your old reality. Only prettier (but never better).
Sex, money, self: They rise and fall together
That’s the secret link no one ever talks about. (So I will.) Business coaches teach you strategy.
Social media coaches teach you content. Therapists teach you healing.
But if you want the empire, you need to become the queen of the castle first. And who teaches you that? Huh?
I’ve combined my academic psychology background with coaching lessons and business experiences to help entrepreneurs get the results that strategy can’t give them. Scale their businesses beyond what seems realistic. Improve their relationships faster than thought possible. And the best part? Without burnout, sacrificing your needs, or abandoning yourself.
Because I was once you.
So if you wonder, how the hell does she know all this about me? Is she in my head?
Well, yeah, I kinda am. Because I dealt with all of this once too. And God, I wish I had a psychology mentor who understood the depth of my patterns (not just my problems) and the pressure that comes with business while respecting my soul’s mission and desire to impact the world.
So here I am now.
I’ve built The Legacy Club for people just like you. Hungry. Ambitious. Driven.
Ready to change the world (but also their own life). People who care about their career just as much as their love and family life. Who are done choosing. Done sacrificing themselves and still getting nowhere. Done chasing success that feels empty.
Because you deserve more, and my Identity Transformation® method is the missing piece (and vehicle) that will help you get there.
So if you’ve felt seen and attacked by this at the same time, just know you’ve landed in the right spot. (We love us some sassy truth that actually moves the needle around here.)
Here are your next steps to finally break through for good in love and career
Download the Dream Life Accelerator (Free Guide) Discover the 5 secret rules high-achievers actually follow to get the big career and the love they crave (without burning out, playing small, or selling their soul). While everyone else is still stuck asking, “Why isn’t this working?”, you’ll be one step closer to your dream life.
Watch my unrealistic dreams to reality training (free masterclass)
Inside this free training, you’ll see what’s really holding your big, ambitious dreams at arm’s length and learn exactly how to finally break through those barriers once and for all. Because what you want is real and absolutely possible for you (yes, you!).
This is for the high-achievers who are done with polished BS and ready for raw, unfiltered Kyra-level truth. Think identity, love, power, healing, success, and the kind of wisdom you wish you had found sooner. Ready to make it your new obsession?
Ready to take your life to the next level?
The Legacy Club invites you to make a fulfilling career and to love your new normal. Because you deserve more than hustling with no results or succeeding with no soul. You deserve a high-level space where 1%ers in the making come to actually elevate their lives.
Let’s connect
TikTok: @kyrabolzan
Read more from Kyra Bolzan
Kyra Bolzan, Psychology Expert & Transformational Mentor
Kyra is a psychology expert and transformational mentor with a master’s degree in psychology, specializing in deep healing, mindset mastery, and personal growth.
As the founder of Healed Baddies, a global community for ambitious women, she helps individuals heal from the past, overcome mental barriers, and create a life that is both fulfilling and peaceful.
Known for her bold, no-BS approach, she challenges conventional self-improvement methods, turning inner work into lasting transformation and tangible results.
