From Exhaustion to Empowerment – How Black Mothers Can Reclaim Rest Without Guilt
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 24
- 6 min read
Updated: Sep 25
Rahma Farah is widely recognized for her expertise in using behaviour analysis to empower neurodivergent individuals with socially significant skills for a meaningful life. She is the founder of Prospering Minds Consultancy, a service offering dual behaviour and sleep support for children.
Mothering constitutes a complex and demanding endeavour, characterised by repetitive cycles of caregiving responsibilities such as maintaining bedtime routines, settling children to sleep, and undertaking domestic labour. These daily practices can contribute to significant maternal fatigue. Within the UK context, Black mothers encounter a disproportionate burden due to the convergence of cultural expectations, systemic inequities, and the pervasive social narrative that positions them as embodiments of strength and resilience under all circumstances.
Such cultural scripts often reinforce the notion that “good mothers sacrifice themselves,” thereby normalising exhaustion and marginalising the importance of rest. However, rest is not a form of indulgence but rather a critical determinant of maternal and familial well-being. Evidence demonstrates that chronic sleep deprivation adversely impacts both physical and mental health, increasing the risk of anxiety, depression, and reduced quality of life.[1] For Black mothers, these challenges are compounded by structural barriers and the underrepresentation of their experiences within maternal health research.[2]
This article is presented in recognition of Black Maternal Mental Health Week 2025 (UK), organised by the Motherhood Group, with the aim of advancing dialogue on the underexplored but urgent issue of Black maternal exhaustion. Centring rest as an essential practice, rather than an optional luxury, is a vital step toward addressing these disparities and fostering more equitable maternal health outcomes.
The toll of exhaustion
Parenting cultures frequently normalise parental exhaustion through colloquial expressions such as “That’s just life with kids.” However, the empirical literature demonstrates that chronic sleep deprivation extends beyond mere inconvenience and constitutes a significant public health concern. Sleep insufficiency has been associated with increased risk of depressive symptomatology, anxiety, cardiovascular morbidity, and reduced cognitive functioning.[1] Within the UK, Black mothers face a particularly acute burden, as the experience of sleep deprivation is exacerbated by intersecting structural and social determinants of health. Research has documented that Black women are disproportionately exposed to chronic stress, poorer sleep quality, and elevated maternal morbidity because of systemic racism, socioeconomic inequities, and the relative invisibility of Black maternal health needs within healthcare services.[2, 3] The normalisation of parental sleep loss, when considered alongside these inequities, emphasises a health crisis that significantly undermines the mental well-being of Black mothers in the UK.
Emerging research highlights that insufficient sleep profoundly disrupts emotional regulation, impairs executive functioning and decision-making, and heightens susceptibility to illness.[4] For mothers navigating systemic stressors, these effects are compounding, magnifying both immediate and long-term health risks. The consequences of maternal sleep deprivation can be conceptualised across several interrelated domains such as physical health, including poor perinatal outcomes and heightened risk of illness, mental and emotional wellbeing, encompassing perinatal depression, chronic stress, and heightened anxiety, healthcare system factors, such as inadequate cultural competency and systemic inequities, and social outcomes, including stigmatisation and diminished capacity to provide optimal care for infants and children.
These challenges are particularly acute for Black mothers in the UK, who face entrenched disparities in maternal health. The most recent MBRRACE-UK report (2022) reveals that Black women are four times more likely to die during pregnancy or childbirth compared with white women.[5] Asian women also experience significantly elevated risks, being almost twice as likely to die, while women of mixed ethnicity are three times more likely to die compared with white counterparts. Crucially, these inequities do not resolve with the birth of a child. Instead, the combination of chronic sleep deprivation, structural stressors, and insufficiently culturally sensitive maternal care exacerbates long-term risks for poor mental health and overall well-being.[7]
Lived experiences further illustrate the cumulative impact of these disparities. During my own labour, I recall being told, “Back home, you women should be able to withhold the pain.” Although I focused at that moment solely on delivering my baby safely, the comment resurfaced years later, underscoring the enduring psychological imprint of such dismissive and culturally insensitive remarks. These narratives highlight how systemic inequities, when intertwined with personal experience, deepen the toll of maternal exhaustion and emphasise the urgency of addressing Black maternal health disparities within the wider framework of perinatal inequity.
Why black mothers feel guilty about rest
Despite knowing the consequences, many mothers still struggle with guilt around rest. Here are some of my experiences as to the reasons.
Society’s expectations: Messages from the lovely aunties that would say “good mums always put their kids first” could leave little room for self-care.
Judgment and comparison: Subtle (and not-so-subtle) remarks from family, friends, or online communities fuel feelings of inadequacy, which turn into mothers working extra hard to appease others.
The “strong Black woman” stereotype: This cultural narrative celebrates resilience but can make vulnerability and rest feel like weakness.
Internal dialogue: Many mothers equate rest with laziness or neglect.
The truth? Parental guilt robs you twice: first of sleep, then of self-belief.
The empowerment shift
It’s time to flip the script. Rest is not a weakness. It’s a strength. Empirical evidence confirms what lived experience often suggests. Adequate parental rest is associated with improved emotional regulation, reduced irritability, and more positive parent-child interactions.[5] Well-rested parents contribute to the creation of more stable, nurturing family environments, in which children also benefit from improved sleep and well-being.
For Black mothers, the act of prioritising rest carries additional significance. In contexts shaped by systemic inequities and cultural expectations of unrelenting strength, the intentional modelling of healthy boundaries such as prioritising rest functions not only as an individual strategy for recovery but also as a powerful counter-narrative to prevailing cultural scripts. When repeatedly enacted, this modelling communicates to children that rest is valuable and legitimate, embedding it as a core principle within family dynamics.
In this way, rest surpasses its role as a personal health behaviour and emerges as an intergenerational practice of resilience and empowerment, with the potential to disrupt cycles of exhaustion and affirm the wellbeing of future generations.
Practical steps to reclaim rest without guilt
Change doesn’t have to happen overnight. Here are practical steps to help reclaim rest:
Reframe rest: See rest as part of parenting, not separate from it. When you rest, your children benefit.
Start small: Protect 10-15 minutes daily for downtime. It can be as simple as a quiet cup of tea, journaling, or a short nap. Personally, I have tried to implement writing on my gratitude journal 5 min before bed and 5 min when I wake up, meditating, walking in nature, praying on time, and reading to fuel my brain.[6]
Build consistent routines: Predictable schedules help both parents and children sleep better.
Ask for help: Collaboration isn’t failure. Whether it’s a partner, family member, or community group, leaning on others is a form of strength.
Seek professional support: Sleep consultants, behavioural strategies, and coaching can provide tailored solutions for both parents and children.
A community effort
No mother should navigate this alone. Black mothers in the UK are supported by powerful organisations like The Motherhood Group, whose outstanding work continues to amplify voices, break down stigma, and provide safe spaces for Black maternal mental health. Your work is needed and appreciated, always.
Conclusion
You’re not failing. You’re human. Rest isn’t selfish, it’s strategic. When Black mothers reclaim rest, they reclaim joy, patience, connection, and strength. Rest becomes a radical act of self-preservation and empowerment.
As a fellow Black mother, and as a dual-certified behaviour and sleep consultant, I understand both the cultural and personal challenges of prioritising rest. That’s why I now offer culturally sensitive sleep support for your little one.
If you’d like to learn more, check the link in my bio to book a free assessment call, let’s explore how you can move from exhaustion to empowerment.
Read more from Rahma Farah
Rahma Farah, Board-Certified Behaviour Analyst
Rahma Farah specialises in behaviour analysis and in empowering neurodivergent individuals. With years of experience, she has developed tailored approaches to help children build socially significant skills and lead fulfilling lives. Passionate about creating meaningful change, Rahma has dedicated her career to supporting families through practical, compassionate, and evidence-based strategies. She is the founder and CEO of Prospering Minds Consultancy, a pioneering service offering dual behaviour and sleep consultancy for children of all needs. Her mission: Every child thriving, every mind prospering.
References:
[1] Walker, M. (2017) Why we sleep: Unlocking the power of sleep and dreams. New York: Scribner.
[2] Nash, M. (2019) ‘Invisibility of Black mothers in maternal health research: A UK perspective’, Feminism & Psychology, 29(2), pp. 227-244.
[3] Saunders, V. and Byrne, J. (2021) ‘Racial disparities in maternal health: The role of sleep and stress in Black British mothers’, Journal of Maternal and Child Health, 25(3), pp. 345-356.
[4] MBRRACE-UK (2022) Saving lives, improving mothers’ care. Oxford: National Perinatal Epidemiology Unit, University of Oxford.
[5] Tikotzky, L. (2016) ‘Postpartum maternal sleep, maternal depressive symptoms and self-perceived mother-infant emotional relationship’, Sleep Medicine Reviews, 29, pp. 19-28.
[6] Medic, G., Wille, M. and Hemels, M.E.H. (2017) ‘Short- and long-term health consequences of sleep disruption’, Nature and Science of Sleep, 9, pp. 151-161.
[7] Slopen, N. and Williams, D.R. (2017) ‘Discrimination, other psychosocial stressors, and self-reported sleep duration and difficulties’, Sleep, 40(1).
