Written by: William Rees, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If you’re anything like me and the diverse clients I support in my work as an Inspired Life + Mindsetcoach, then I’m guessing that you, too, have subconsciously been convinced of this common but crippling lie: “The harder I am on myself…the easier my life will be.”
This lie makes sense. Early on, to protect ourselves from rejection and vulnerability we subconsciously install a judge and 12-person jury box inside our heads to render verdicts on nearly everything we do, say, and feel. Day after day, we then repeatedly sentence our souls to lives imprisoned by paralysis, pessimism, and/or perfectionism.
The near-constant gavel-pounding in our brains prevents us from tuning into the empowering truths inside our gifts and greatness, which takes a significant toll on our mental and emotional well-being over time. Studies have shown that depression, anxiety, and stress-related symptoms are significantly lower for individuals adept at keeping judgmental thoughts in check.
Here are Four Key Concepts I offer my clients as liberating alternatives from the confines of judgmental thinking in order to increase their feelings of confidence, clarity, and contentment.
1. SELECT
Select, intentionally, who and how you want to be in regards to a particular situation. Perhaps you’re dreading a difficult conversation with a loved one or co-worker. Select precisely how you want to show up inside that challenge.
Perhaps you want to commit to being more assertive during the conversation, or more flexible, or perhaps more playful.
You need not be bound by how you’ve tended to be in the past or what you’ve previously told yourself that you’re not skilled at being. You can Select, now, any quality or trait you choose to call upon and commit to.
Judgment is reactive – and as such it lacks authority. The immediate power of Selecting who and how you want to be in relation to a certain challenge, goal, or relationship propels your thoughts into the proactive and empowered realm of endless possibility.
2. SCAN
Our brains are hard-wired to observe and evaluate information constantly. Once upon a time, this scanning was to keep us safe from predators and protected by our tribe. It’s a long, sturdy wire woven from biology and evolution – a wire we can’t now afford to snip or remove, but one which we can definitely learn to work with more effectively.
The many uncomfortable feelings and experiences we’ve hoped to protect ourselves from by engaging in judgmental thinking has, unfortunately, narrowed the range of information our busy brains now bother to register and record.
So readjust your scope and assign your brain healthier information to Scan for. Perhaps:
The supportive smile your husband always gives you when your mother tries to guilt trip you.
Or the new piece of insight you gained about yourself by trying out a new hobby you often feel intimidated by.
Or the moments in your stressful workday you feel the most valued and vital.
And what information might you want to free your mind from having to Scan for and meticulously catalog, moving forward? The aggravations, assumptions, or eye-rolls that’ve commanded an abundance of your mental energy but which continually prevent you from witnessing the gifts and growth inside your journey?
3. SORT
There’s a rigidly binary, “black or white” structure to Judgmental Thinking. It’s severe, it’s unforgiving, and it makes winners and losers out of everyone, mostly ourselves.
For instance: We consider our take on an argument with our spouse as either Right or Wrong. Our interviewing skills are either Good or Bad. Our response to that stressful email that we’ve been procrastinating writing will either be a Failure or a Total-And-Complete Failure.
This stringent Pass/Fail, Good/Bad, Right/Wrong approach to evaluating our thoughts, actions, and experiences stymies our ability to innovate, experiment, and evolve.
How could any of us dare to take any sort of creative or courageous step forward in our lives when we’ve ascribed such a stringent Good/Bad and Success/Failure metric to our endeavors?
So, how else could you Sort your thoughts and actions? Perhaps:
Done or Not Done
Meaningful or Not Meaningful
Authentic or Inauthentic
Informative or Not Informative
Soothing or Not Soothing
To clarify an impactful Sorting System for your unique goals, link back to discoveries you made during Concept 1: SELECT, and remember how/who you are striving to be in a given situation. (For instance – Assertive, or Flexible, or Adventurous, etc.)
Now which new, unique way of Sorting other than Good/Bad would be valuable to help you clarify which action steps could move you closer to honoring that bright vision of yourself?
4. SPREAD
A spectacular side-effect for individuals who team up with me on personal coaching adventures is that the lives and dreams of the people near and dear to my clients are soon brightened as well.
It’s a key reminder as to how connected we all are; how our actions, moods, and challenges impact those close to us in incredibly profound ways. And so, another trusty escape-hatch from the dreary darkness of judgmental thinking is to consider how your endeavors will Spread positively and influence others’ journeys.
Imagine if you aligned with the optimism and courage to restructure your position at work, or to sign up for that improv class, or focus on your occasionally aggravating mother-in-law’s sense of humor – How might these shifts and steps in your own thoughts and actions Spread over into the hopes and habits of your friends and family?
Which ripples, big or small, might you witness within your world by releasing yourself (and others) from judgmental thoughts and honoring your true hopes and happiness?
Wanting to rescue your mind from the broken record of judgmental thoughts and work smarter (not harder) on achieving personal success and wellness?
Book yourself a Free 1:1 call with leading Life + Mindset Coach William Rees HERE!
William Rees, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
William Rees is a leading Career and Wellbeing Coach and the founder of Keylight, the top-tier coaching practice renowned for empowering individuals and duos to cast their endeavors in vibrant and visionary light. Drawing upon his two decades as an award-winning filmmaker, Rees instills a cinematic sense of adventure and wonder into the personal and professional pursuits of his diverse roster of clients. Honoring the idea that The Greatest Art Form is Life Itself, Keylight’s poetic and powerful approach to self-development quickly unlocks clarity and creativity for uniquely inspired living.
