Fatherless Father
Written by: Sue Burhoe, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
This Father’s Day has had me thinking a lot about my dad's loss and my partner-the father to our three kids. Without them around, why even bother to celebrate Father’s Day? The day without them seems meaningless. Or does it?
The upcoming summer has my dad on my mind more than usual. He loved the warm weather and any excuse to have his family over and eat together- especially on Father’s Day. We usually had a cookout with heaps of delicious food. He always wanted a big hunk of cake and lots of ice cream. Usually, I took a small piece to watch my calories, to which my dad usually responded, “live a little, Sue!”
I don’t know who I would be without my dad. He helped shape who I am and taught me so much about what family means. He even passed on his height and green eyes to me. We both also have what my family calls the “soft and mushy side.” I thank him and miss him every day.
Anyone that knew my husband would tell you that he was always bragging about his kids. He loved being a dad and truly adored his children. We were an incredible team when it came to parenting. More than once, we would look at each other and say, “Can you even believe they are ours?!” with a laugh with pure joy and excitement. How can I even think of not honoring the man that made me a mom and gave me the most incredible love?
This was when I started to re-evaluate my thinking. Was it easier for my heart to ignore this day because they are not here in the physical? And am I denying myself the joy of celebrating them?
My job as a grief coach is to help people integrate loss into their lives. One would think I would know all (most, some) of the sneaky ways grief can show up. I unknowingly, yet a part of me knew that I put myself in the camp of this holiday doesn’t count anymore because my person is not here to celebrate. How silly of me to think I could outsmart grief and that I could outrun it somehow. Grief is incredibly clever and wise. Grief knows the love we feel for our person did not die. The sacred memories, the laughter, the wisdom from our loved one is still ours to cherish.
Whether our person is here in the physical or not, they are worth celebrating—every damn day.
How are you going to honor the father figures in your life today?
Happy Father’s Day, Dad & my Honey.
Sue Burhoe, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sue Burhoe is a Grief and Loss Life Coach, Holistic Practitioner, and a Licensed Massage Therapist. Her wisdom runs deep from her personal and professional experience over the past 30 years. In 2014 her partner of 30 years died by suicide, leaving her a solo parent to three children. Less than two years later, she was by the bedside of her dad as he passed from surgery complications. Professionally she spent 25 years working in the medical field.
She eventually left that field to obtain degrees in holistic health, massage therapy, and energy medicine. In 2015 she was certified as a Holistic Life coach, now specializing in grief and loss. Sue uses her vulnerability, warmth, humor, and skills to help clients integrate grief and loss into their life.
Sue is a volunteer with a non-profit for grieving children & families and a healing conversation peer-to-peer volunteer with the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention.
