Falling Apart – How To Do It Faster
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 20, 2023
- 4 min read
Written by: Laura Di Franco, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I think about healing a lot... it’s what I was born to do.
I dedicated my life (and a 30-year career) to the process, the seeking, the knowledge, the wonder, and the adventure of it all.
This week I surrender to not knowing anything.
Ever get to that point?
“What do we even know about this?” she said and paused.
I sat across from one of the healers I respect and frequent and thought: Oh, right. What DO we know, really?
I felt the weight lift. That responsibility to figure it out and get to some destination of clarity that helps you feel complete. That’s my ego wanting that.
That’s never coming.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve felt moments of clarity so clear I was blinded by the light.
This aha, however, was about the fact that the ultimate clarity about life itself isn’t one big moment. It’s many tiny moments strung together, one after the next, until we’re done with this lifetime and move to another.
At least that’s my story today. I’ll stick to it for the moment. I get to change my mind, maybe even by tomorrow.
And this gets me to falling apart faster.
Some of you know that for the last three and a half years, my family went through a severe challenge and trauma. Well, I held it all together so well, even I was amazed at myself. Most of my family did the same—hung on the best they could while supporting.
Good for me (us), learning how to survive and all. I used my tools. I came out on the other side of it pretty well, if I do say so myself. So did all involved.
Yet, I knew I wasn’t even dipping a toe into the healing process I needed to dive into to clean and clear my energy for the next adventure. I knew I needed something but couldn’t seem to figure it out. I couldn’t access the entry point.
How did I know?
Physical pain and the inability to move.
Wow, what the Universe will do when it’s time to stop your ass from “going” and “doing” anymore.
So, I decided to fall apart faster (she types and grins because you can’t really speed it up, but you can surrender to feeling a lot faster).
But I was afraid that if I opened myself to feeling it all fully, I wouldn’t come out of it okay.
Most authentic healers know a little secret about this: When you’re in the darkness, it seems like you’ll never get out, but you always do.
So much time passed with me in survival-not-breathing-clench mode. I wondered why I felt like I couldn’t access the pain. I felt numb. I felt that thing people talk about. I was beginning to understand a level of this healing journey I never experienced.
This, by the way, wasn’t a case of me not trying. But there was the issue; I was trying to force the process, trying to speed up the healing and get to an outcome.
It’s not the healing you can speed up; it’s the feeling.
This is a subtle but really important difference.
You can surrender to feeling immediately if you’re aware. With awareness, you get a choice.
What the body-mind does in terms of the healing process will happen on its own time and in its own way. It’s the feeling that’s the most important thing—the door to the healing and freedom.
Before I came to this clarity, I did the following million self-care things:
Laid on the floor and meditated (for hours and days).
Listened to sound healing music
Spent time in nature
Journaled
Read books on the topic
Had physical therapy, chiropractic, acupuncture, biofield tuning, energy work, and ancestral healing sessions.
Talked to psychologists
But, during most of those moments, I wasn’t slowing down long enough to feel my actual body without attempting to attach a meaning to the feeling and figure it out.
I wasn’t simply giving myself a chance to just feel.
And numb, by the way, is there to be felt. That is tricky, though, isn’t it? Many incidents of depression are this numbness and, probably, some kind of survival mechanism.
I had to fall apart faster. I had to give myself permission to cry, scream, or....
... just feel numb/nothing.
I had to stop trying to heal.
Yep.
Healers get in their own damn way so often! Darnit!
I’m still on my path of feeling. If you’re one of the people who’ll be joining me in Egypt in a couple of weeks for our author adventure, this is a gentle warning – I’ve given myself the challenge to let go completely, even if it means crying for two weeks. I promise I can still teach you amazing things about writing, even if I’m crying. Ha!
And if you’re one of the people who wants to join us on our author adventure in upstate New York in May next year, this is also a warning – get ready to be held in a safe space to do your own work of feeling as we write and then publish our stories together.
Whoa – this feels amazing. And scary as shit, right?
Well, we’re not doing this alone anymore; at least I’m not going to.
We’re partnering with our friends at Freedom Folk & Soul to give back with partial scholarships to those who need the resources to access authentic healing experiences that help you feel. I’m very, very, very excited about this partnership. Our author’s journey in New York will the the beginning of leaving this legacy and helping people access authentic healing.
Holy moly, this feels like big-potatoes stuff.
And it is. And I’m grateful to those in my world doing it with me. You’re not alone.
This is how we change the world.
Laura Di Franco, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Laura Di Franco, CEO of Brave Healer Productions, an award-winning publisher for holistic health and wellness professionals. She has 30 years of expertise in holistic physical therapy, 14 years of training in the martial arts, and her company has published over 50 Amazon bestselling books. She's a spoken-word poet, lover of dark chocolate, and has a contagious passion for helping you share brave words that build your business. BraveHealer.com
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