Emotional Detox – How to Stop Carrying Other People’s Feelings
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 11
- 5 min read
Written by Valeriya Kovbuz, Mental Well-Being Coach
Valeriya Kovbuz is a Mental Well-Being Coach, writer, and researcher focused on emotional literacy, self-worth, and inner balance. She is the creator of the TREE of Balance Method and a regular speaker at international events on mental well-being and personal growth.
Man is by nature sympathetic. In our design, we have been created to relate, to share the feelings of others, and to feel them. But this gift itself may become a burden when we start to digest what is not ours to digest. Instead of compassion bringing us closer to other people, it weighs on us. This is where the practice of emotional detox helps us return to ourselves. It is about learning to see what is and what is not a part of us, and also how to make space to be clear, balanced, and present.
Why we absorb what isn’t ours
This tendency to hold on to emotions that do not belong to us often has a silent beginning, long before we are aware of it. For many people, it starts in childhood. Growing up with moods constantly shifting, children may learn that the only way to fit in is to feel and adjust to the emotions of others. This warning turns into a habit, a habit that follows us into adulthood.
Later, the same pattern may be reinforced through our roles. Family members often serve as peacekeepers or the strong ones, expected to shoulder what others cannot. Healthcare workers, leaders, and coaches, in their professional roles, are more likely to take on the stress of those they support and see it as their mission. The need to listen well can silently transform into carrying another person on one’s shoulders, even within friendships.
Biology also plays a role. Mirror neurons are built into our brains, and they automatically reflect what others experience. A smile can lift us up, while grief can weigh down our hearts. These small reflections can begin to feel like our own emotions without us realising it.
Then, there are cultural messages that promote self-sacrifice, the notion that a loving parent, faithful friend, or loyal partner must always bear the burdens of others. Without clear internal boundaries, empathy becomes absorption, and the line between what is mine and what is theirs fades away.
When this happens, we lose connection with our own feelings. We begin to live vicariously, not as a form of true association, but as a kind of leeching. This is when empathy, instead of bonding us, silently turns against us.
The cost of carrying too much
Initially, it can be an act of kindness to carry the emotions of other people. You hear, you internalise, you occupy space, and maybe you even think this will make you stronger or more supportive. But in the long run, the price begins to show. Emotional exhaustion accumulates silently, and you feel drained after basic interactions. It becomes unclear whether the burden you experience is truly yours or baggage you picked up along the way.
All the emotions become personal to your body, and the stress accumulates until it appears as tension, restlessness, or insomnia. Carrying the emotions of others also makes it harder to cope with your own problems. Small issues that would normally be manageable feel overwhelming because you are already weighed down.
Relationships are also affected. Paradoxically, being overly involved can create distance rather than closeness. When you are absorbed in another person’s emotions, you no longer meet them as yourself. This can even generate silent resentment, as you give more than you can handle. One of the most subtle sacrifices is the loss of joy. When your inner world is crowded with feelings that are not your own, lightness, creativity, and peace have little room to grow.
Practicing emotional detox
Emotional cleansing does not require dramatic rituals or extended retreats. It begins with something much simpler, awareness. The first step is to notice when an emotion enters your body and question whether it truly belongs to you. This pause alone can create the space to see more clearly.
There is also the practice of gentle release. Some people find it helpful to visualise dropping a heavy bag or returning an item that was never theirs to carry. Others use small rituals, such as washing their hands after a difficult conversation, stepping outside for fresh air, or writing down their feelings and leaving them on the page. Each of these gestures signals to the mind and body, I can let this go.
Breath is another anchor. One or two long, slow inhalations can restore your natural flow, reminding you that your feelings and energy are your own to manage. Over time, this awareness strengthens your inner boundaries. You begin to sense where your mind ends and another’s begins, and this clarity allows you to care without carrying.
What changes when you let go
It is truly amazing when you stop carrying emotions that are not yours. You begin to feel less detached and instead clearer and more grounded. Your own feelings rise to the surface, no longer hidden beneath the stress and sorrow of others. With this clarity, you can finally introduce yourself to others as you are, steady, calm, and present.
Letting go also transforms the way you relate. Instead of being pulled into someone else’s storm, you can remain on your own ground and offer supportive assistance from a balanced place. This does not make you less caring, but rather more available, since your energy is no longer consumed by confusion.
The most significant change may be the return of joy. Once the borrowed emotions are no longer crowding your inner space, lightness begins to flow back in. Daily life feels easier. Small details, humour, creativity, and relaxation become more noticeable and enjoyable. What remains is not distance, but something deeper, a way of living rooted in authenticity, not sacrifice.
A gentle reminder
You are not here to shoulder the burden of all the feelings around you. Absorption is not empathy, and sacrifice is not love. Presence arises when you stay connected to yourself, even while extending care to others.
Emotional detox does not mean closing your heart, but ensuring that it stays open in a sustainable way. It allows you to love and be loving without losing balance, to be helpful without being depleted.
So the next time you notice an unexplainable heaviness, pause. Ask gently, is it mine to keep? If not, let it pass through you like a cloud in the sky. What remains is your own steady light, grounded, calm, and ready to shine.
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Read more from Valeriya Kovbuz
Valeriya Kovbuz, Mental Well-Being Coach
Valeriya Kovbuz is a Mental Well-Being Coach with a background in psychology and special education. She is the author of the TREE of Balance Method – a structured self-reflection tool for reconnecting with one’s internal resources. She helps people facing emotional overwhelm, self-doubt, or life transitions restore clarity, confidence, and inner balance. She writes a regular column on mental wellbeing, serves as a peer reviewer for academic journals, and is a member of multiple Transactional Analysis associations and other professional communities. She is also certified in The Science of Well-Being by Yale University, which informs her evidence-based approach.
