Embracing Happiness Without Guilt
As a Life Mastery Certified Coach®, Susan integrates spirituality with practicality, guiding women to discover their unique Soul Goal™ and chart a personal path to success and happiness. Unlock your inner wisdom, align your heart with your mind, and uncover actionable steps that resonate with your authentic self.
Happiness is a wonderful feeling that we all strive for, yet there are moments when, even amid joy, we catch ourselves hesitating. We question whether we deserve to feel happy or begin comparing our joy to others’ sadness as if there’s a limit on how much happiness the world can contain at any given time. But why do we do this? Why do we sometimes feel compelled to shut it out when happiness finally knocks at our door?
The guilt of happiness: "Why me?"
One reason we resist happiness is guilt. We might ask ourselves, "Why am I happy when others are suffering?" This question often stems from comparing our experiences to those of others. If someone close to us is going through a tough time, we may feel that it's inappropriate for us to feel joy, as though happiness is something to be shared equally, like a finite resource.
Imagine a sunny day when you're feeling great, but your friend is dealing with heartbreak or loss. You might tell yourself, "I shouldn’t feel so good when they’re hurting." In that moment, you discount your happiness, almost feeling as though you’ve stolen it from someone else. But happiness isn’t a zero-sum game. Your joy doesn’t diminish another person’s ability to find their own moments of light.
The "undeserving" complex
Another factor that holds us back from fully embracing happiness is the feeling of being undeserving. This is often linked to deep-rooted beliefs we’ve been conditioned to hold about success, luck, or even joy. We may believe that we haven’t "earned" happiness, or that it should only come after a series of challenges and hardships.
This mindset is particularly common among people who have experienced long periods of stress or struggle. For instance, if you've worked hard through a difficult phase in life when a moment of peace or happiness arrives, you might instinctively feel like it's a mistake, as though you’ve bypassed some unseen test of worthiness. This belief can cause us to stop the flow of happiness before it can even settle in, dismissing it as fleeting or undeserved.
The power of comparison: "Why should I be happy when others aren't?"
Comparison is often the thief of joy. In a world so interconnected through social media and constant communication, it’s easy to see snippets of others’ lives and feel conflicted about your happiness. Maybe you’ve just had a fantastic day, but then you scroll through your feed and see someone posting about their struggles. It’s not uncommon for this to trigger a reaction where you begin to question whether it’s “okay” to feel good.
While empathy and compassion are wonderful traits, they shouldn't lead us to undermine our moments of happiness. It’s important to remember that each person’s journey is different. Just because someone else is going through a tough time doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to enjoy your joyful moments. Holding onto and acknowledging those moments can help you be a better support system for others because happiness replenishes emotional resilience.
Happiness is fleeting, but that’s okay
Happiness is often viewed as a goal, something to achieve and hold onto forever. But the truth is, happiness is fleeting. It’s not meant to be a constant state of being but rather a series of moments that come and go. Just like any emotion, it ebbs and flows, sometimes arriving unexpectedly and leaving just as quickly.
What makes happiness so beautiful is its impermanence. The fleeting nature of joy is what makes it so precious. When you experience a moment of happiness, embrace it fully without worrying about how long it will last or if you "deserve" it. Recognize that it’s okay to feel good, even if it’s just for a short time. It’s okay to let joy flow through you without hesitation, and without feeling the need to justify or downplay it.
Recalling happiness in tough moments
One powerful way to combat the tendency to discount happiness is to rely on those joyful moments when life becomes challenging. Think of happiness as a bank account where you deposit memories of joy, gratitude, and lightheartedness. During tough times, you can make a withdrawal from this account, reminding yourself that happiness exists, and it’s something you’ve experienced before and will experience again.
For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress at work, think back to a recent moment when you were completely at peace, maybe it was a quiet walk in nature, a deep conversation with a friend, or simply enjoying your favorite hobby. Reliving those memories helps you to not only shift your mindset but also reinforces the idea that happiness is always within reach, even in difficult times.
It’s your birthright to pursue and experience happiness
The phrase “pursuit of happiness” isn’t just a lofty ideal; it’s a birthright. We all have the right to seek out, experience, and cherish moments of joy without feeling guilty or undeserving. Happiness is not a reward for having a perfect life, and it’s not reserved for people who seem to “have it all together.” It’s a fundamental part of being human.
The pursuit of happiness is often what helps us navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience. It’s what motivates us to connect with others, to learn, to grow, and to keep moving forward even when things get tough. By permitting yourself to experience happiness without guilt, you’re embracing a vital part of the human experience.
The wise woman says
Happiness isn’t something you need to justify or earn; it’s something to be experienced and celebrated. When moments of joy come into your life, let them flow without hesitation. Don’t stop yourself from feeling good just because someone else is going through a hard time, or because you feel you haven’t “earned” it. Happiness is a gift, and it’s okay to accept it, even if it’s fleeting.
So, the next time you catch yourself feeling happy, don’t discount it. Let yourself fully immerse in that joy. These moments are fleeting, but they’re also transformative. And when life becomes challenging, these memories of happiness will remind you that joy is always within reach, waiting for its next moment to shine.
Susan F. Moody Intuitive Business, Life, and Success Coach
Susan F. Moody, Wise Woman, is dedicated to empowering women to tap into their own inner wisdom and discover the power of intentional living. Along her personal journey, Susan became a wisdom seeker looking for ways to connect with the divine for inspiration and guidance. She started working with the I Ching, angel cards, wisdom cards, runes and pendulum work over 20 years ago and now offers these spiritual insight tools as an option to her clients. She has also developed a tangible technique, the Soul Goal™ finder, to help clients answer the contemplative question “Why am I here?”
