Digging Into Fear – What It's Really All About
Written by: Dr. Tonia Winchester, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I read this quote recently by Gabriel Bernstein, “Thank you, Universe, for guiding me to perceive this fear through the teacher of love.” It got me thinking. What if below our fears was a deeper, more significant need that was trying to be met?
Early on in life, a client experienced an event that changed the course of her life.
A drunk driver hit the car her mom was in. Her mom’s brain was injured and from that moment on, my client started to be the caregiver for her mom. She was seven years old.
Fast forward a few decades…
…When we met, her body was filled with pain, and she was jealous of her relationship with her boyfriend and it was really affecting them. He was a good guy and she didn’t want to mess it up. But it was like there was this beast inside that she just couldn’t reign in.
Early on in our coaching process, I ask them to check in with their unconscious mind by listening inside for the first and fastest answer that comes up, “Is there a purpose for this problem?”
Inevitably the answer is yes, even though the conscious mind is wont to rebut:
“Of course, there is no purpose. I’m miserable. Why would my brain do this to me? Why would it want me to suffer?”
Why indeed.
And I personally choose to believe the opposite. I hold on to the belief that everything the unconscious mind does and is doing is actually designed intelligently for our highest good. I believe every behaviour is trying to meet a specific need, a deeper intention or purpose.
I don’t think I’d be able to go on in this life if I was convinced that our minds wanted us to suffer.
Our body and mind want us to thrive, not just survive. Sadly in our modern world, due to various physical and emotional stresses, we get locked into a revved-up nervous system as the unconscious mind attempts to keep us in fight or flight. This serves a purpose.
When negative things happen to us at a young age, our unconscious instincts change.
Where we were previously free to feel joy and peace, now we’re on high alert. Where we once (literally) slept like a baby (who sleeps), now we toss and turn, unable to calm down our overactive minds.
“Stay awake.” the unconscious mind urges. “We must remain alert.” These reactions are trying to meet a need because it believes we need protection.
A noble cause. Indeed.
Interestingly there are different Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques that I use when working with my brain-based transformation clients that uncover deeper and higher intentions of these problem behaviors.
Often the surface behavior and the superficial intentions are about safety and protection. That’s just the top later. And it’s easy to stay locked there.
“My anxiety is here because it’s trying to protect me.”
It’s instinctual.
But we can explore more and learn about deeper instincts that are trying to do much more than just keep us safe.
I ask, and you can ask, “And when that part has safety, what does it get through having that?” Often the next tier of intentions are things like approval or respect.
I ask, and you can ask, “Those things for what purpose?” Commonly the deepest core intentions are things like wholeness, love, joy, peace, and oneness.
Nobler causes. Indeed.
After my client and I cleared the trauma of that day she found out her mom was injured, she said, “I’m considering looking up that driver now.” As a client who paid attention and was committed to the coaching process, she wasn’t surprised when I replied, “So if every behavior serves a higher purpose, what would be the intention of looking him up?”
We both shed a tear or two when she softly said, “To see if he is okay.”
What a beautiful transformation. Her instincts had changed. Where she was once angry and resentful, driven to try her darndest to control what she could through jealous behavior, now she was compassionate, curious, and kind. Intriguingly her pain disappeared.
Going back to the quote at the beginning of this article, fear is a surface emotion that causes us to behave in a certain way – a way that could be considered a problem.
And if that problem is trying to meet a higher/deeper intention, then love is the perfect teacher to help us change our instincts.
How would things be different for you if you were convinced unequivocally that the purpose of all your problems and your problem behaviours were not to create suffering but were actually trying to change your instincts for joy and peace, energy and ease?
And that’s exactly what I do. I help people reprogram their instincts so they can truly get over the big things in their past and create vitality and connection in the here and how and into the future.
If you’re wanting more information about this, I recommend checking out my book: Smiling in the Shower: The Surprisingly Simple and Swift Way to Break Through Burnout and Create Happy and Energized Days. Head on over to toniawinchester.com to get your copy.
May you choose to make all your dreams come true.
Dr. Tonia Winchester, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Tonia has been practicing as a Naturopathic Doctor since 2007. With contemporary neurological reprogramming techniques, she helps women overcome burnout, stress, anxiety, and fatigue. Essentially she helps them calm their minds, sleep deeply, and find joy and energy in their lives again. Guiding clients through a "Breakthrough" process, they recode their unconscious minds for change, self-care, and success, priming them to create new, healthy, sustainable habits. Dr. Tonia has been featured on CTV, the Costco Connection, The Elephant Journal, Conscious Nutrition, The Autoimmune Simplified Podcast, and the New Generation Entrepreneur Podcast. Ultimately she helps everyday people create exceptional lives for themselves and their communities. To learn more about her brain-based coaching breakthroughs, head on over here!
