Creating The Admirable You – From Mistakes To Milestones
- Aug 2, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Jan 18, 2024
Written by: Reah R. Hagues, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Throughout life, I have experienced many things that led me through ups and downs. After sulking and questionable decision making, I put experience and education to work and created a business. With my guidance, workbooks, and sharing of life experiences you can learn how to turn your experiences into a guidebook (or how not to) for others!
Introducing me
My parents divorced when I was little, and my mother moved back home with me to North Carolina while my father stayed in South Carolina with his family. I grew up as an only child at my mother's and a big sister at my father's. My mother was a little more lenient while my father and stepmother tried to enforce rules. However, this power imbalance led to me making my own rules as I felt I was grown and independent enough to do so when I was with my mother while she was working on weekdays to take care of us both. This demand for independence and grown-up decision-making led to me making multiple life choices that landed me in tough situations and forced me to be the adult I craved to be so young, and not in a healthy way! I was the victim of sexual assault multiple times from infancy into my teenage years. These violations made it difficult for me to trust myself or any man I interacted contact with. My father was probably the one man I knew would not sexually assault me, but he had an alcohol addiction leading to me having other doubts about his love for me. I would later realize this doubt was more my perspective of his life decisions and lack of understanding of addiction coupled with our brain's impaired ability to make accurate or healthy decisions in even the least complex situations. I realized as an adult my father had addictions because he was trying to run from or bury something traumatic that happened in his own life and that his addiction did not dismiss his love for either of his daughters.
The mistakes
Between my decision-making and my struggle with my relationship with my father throughout life, there were many things I wished I could go back and "fix". It was not until I started writing my autobiography that I realized that rather than dwelling on the past, it was better to use it to help and guide others through their struggles. Thus, "Dirt On My Cloth" was born. This autobiography is about a woman who has experienced "issues" in fatherhood, motherhood, behaviors, relationships, sexuality, placements, emotions, and reactions. Before writing, I was emotionally unavailable, irresponsible, and impossible to focus on a different life path.
Many things we experience in life can be used as tools in one way or another. Whether it be intentionally to change our lives or others' lives for the better or unintentionally to continue unhealthy patterns that we picked up through negative experiences. Many life experiences and lessons led me down a dangerous path. Although I spent too much time on this unhealthy journey, I still have plenty of time to spend on a healthy one. My hope in writing my autobiography was to tell my story and to help others through experiencing similar situations. Part of growing up is growing out of the behaviors we displayed as a child and into adult behaviors that ideally are healthy and positively impact those around us. However, we cannot successfully display behaviors we have not learned. Life coaching and education on healthy/unhealthy behaviors benefit those who experience it and those around them who their behaviors impact.
The milestones
Upon completing "Dirt On My Cloth" I understood and experienced emotions and understand that I cannot change my past, but I can control my future. I may have started as a traumatized little girl, but I have become a successful mother to the world's best kids/young adults, wife to the man of my dreams, co-parent, business owner, author, holistic health striver, divorce`, and so many more to come! In addition to helping people work through their difficulties, I used my story to build and grow a life coaching business and write other books in my areas of expertise! If you take anything from this article, I hope that no matter where you have been, you can go anywhere you put your heart, mind, and passion into!
I decided to turn my mistakes into teachable moments, and you can also. With the right guidance, education, support, and patience, you can start to heal from your past and build a better future. In life coaching, we guide our clients side by side often to undo the unhealthy behaviors and tools they have learned through their lives and help them learn and understand how to turn their life experiences into healthy tools. "Dirt On My Cloth" additionally explains how you can do this through discussing her life experiences, telling what she did wrong, and explaining how you can handle similar situations in positive ways rather than the ways that have not been working in the past or similar/relatable situations. As long as we are still on this earth, it is never too late to grow and improve!
Reah R. Hagues, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Reah is a wife to Quintin and a mother to 5 humans and 3 pets. She is the daughter of Kim (or Ma to her), and big sister to Raven. Reah has earned multiple degrees including a Bachelor's degree in Christian studies, Master's degree in Psychology, Master's degree in Holistic Mental Health and Wellness (with emphasis on family dynamics), and a Master's level certification in Life Coaching.
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