When Seeking Change – Move from Right V. Wrong To Effective And Ineffective
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 30, 2021
- 3 min read
Written by: Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Choice is a tricky thing. We are raised with the beliefs that we should “do what is right”, choose the “right” career, the “right” path, and the “right” partner. Choice can feel heavy because it can come with the obligatory feeling that choosing what is not “right” leads to very undesirable consequences.
When we seek change in our life, whether that is a change in ourselves, our thinking, or in our life circumstances we can often feel weighted with the pressure to choose one versus the “other” choice. This can also be compounded with the amount of choices that could be possible; leading to a great deal of stress and anxiety.
What if we approached decision-making from the perspective of seeing choices and decisions as effective or ineffective attempts towards our larger goals? This gives us far more flexibility in being a creator, innovator, experimenter, and shaper of our life. It takes away the finality of feeling that making a choice comes with a finite set of consequences that are labeled “good” or “bad”.
Being aware of the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of our choices can foster the ability to create solutions to life’s dilemmas rather than stay in a fixed mindset that constricts our willingness to choose – or believe in – a new path. We can pivot and course-correct based on how effective that choice was in contributing towards a greater result or path unique for ourselves.
For example, if there is a friendship, partnership, or work collaboration that feels heavy for you; maybe it is time-consuming or complicated and you are struggling with the decision whether to continue with it or break free. You may feel it is wrong to quit or break the commitment, but the desired result of your decision is to create more space for yourself or other areas of your life or work that need-or deserve- more of your attention. Try looking at it from the angle of how effective this choice is for your life, your goals, and where you are at. If the results gained from the decision to step away from the situation creates feelings and circumstances that lead to benefits in the quality of your life or helps you to achieve goals that are important to you, then that decision was an effective choice for you.
The burden of guilt or obligation can often cloud our willingness to think of the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of our choices. Recognizing and releasing these attachments or limited beliefs can free you and create the space to make decisions that allow you to grow.
Regardless of whether we choose what is effective or ineffective, we have the ability to gain insight of ourselves and our circumstances to inform what feels right for us. Seeking answers from external sources can shadow the insight we hold within ourselves. We are creators and writers of our human experience; with that must be the companion of the mindset that allows us to grow.
Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a Personal Development and Marriage Coach, Kristen Bilodeau leads women through their own personal journey of finding their voice, healing their marriage, and releasing their inner wild woman. As a woman who struggled in her own journey to self-awareness and truth in her life and marriage, Kristen uses the power of a woman’s story as the tool and catalyst for change, healing, and growth. She helps women uncover their truth through questioning and reflection so that they are able to be the creator of their experiences and thrive as the woman they were meant to be.
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